I was wondering what your guys thoughts were on sleeping with someone who is in a relationship where their partner wouldn’t approve of them sleeping around. I ask this because last night girl stuck her hand down my pants (out of the blue) for a brief second, then said i’ll b right back dont leave (was wearing turn up the heat). Even though i wanted this girl i ended up leaving because she had a boyfriend and i felt weird (this hasn’t stopped me in the past).
My rules are usually
Don’t sleep with under any circumstance if she’s: Married, engaged, dating a personal friend of mine or my friends.
Do sleep with: She’s single, The guy shes dating is a douche bag
The fuzzy should i sleep with her or should i not sleep with her comes in when she is dating a guy i dont know. I can’t classify him as a douche bag or someone i have respect for but since the girl is willing to sleep around either she is just an unfaithful person or he isn’t really that good for her.
What are your guys oppinions as this stopped me from getting laid and i’m trying to figure out when it is and isnt appropriate.
I think its fine to sleep with someone elses girlfriend if you dont know the guy, but i wouldn’t want a guy attempting to sleep with my girlfriend because there is always someone with better game.
Yeah I can see where you’re coming from, and both sides of the argument make sense. To sleep with her, or not to, that is the question. Personally I would not, but that’s just me. Everyone is there own person and has their own values and what not so the decision is totally up to you. I find it admirable that you left, though personally I would have just told her “hey I can’t do this, you have a boyfriend.” Obviously she is not a faithful person so you wouldn’t want a relationship with her anyway if that’s what you’re looking for. If you were just considering hooking up with her, then that’s your call. I’m with you on what you said though, I wouldn’t want another dude sleeping with my girlfriend, so I would like to think I wouldn’t sleep with someone elses.
I dunno though, it’s totally up to you… Apparently you don’t feel completely right messing around with her in that situation so i’d say follow your instincts, they usually turn out to be right I think.
I have never knowingly slept with a women that I knew was involved in a relationship. But, there were 2 that I later found out were with someone else, and probably a few more that I never found out about. But at least I can honestly say that I never knowingly did anythig to hurt somebody elses relationship.
I have been married twice and both of my exes cheated on me, and probably a couple of the girls I dated too. But, both of my exes ended up getting dumped by the giuys that they cheated with, one of my ex girlfriends ended up marrying the guy she cheated with…having a kid and ending up divorced within 2 or 3 years.
Kharma is a bitch, and you really do reap what you sow.
I have had married women hit on me and I will not cross the line not only for the reasons stated above, but there are some jealous boyfriends and husbands and I do not need that, who will go to extremes
However, when it comes to girls that I know have a boyfriend but am not associated with then it’s a case by case situation.
I wouldn’t want a girlfriend cheating, on the other hand if she were behaving in such a way then she wouldn’t be a girlfriend for long.
The other consideration to take into account is that many women bounce from one relationship to the next with almost no break in between, and sometimes the most appealing ones are perpetually taken.
Which means you have to carpe diem.
One school of thought says that if she’s willing to fool around, she doesn’t take her relationship seriously enough, so it’s okay. Another says that if she’s that willing to cheat, she’s probably not very picky about who she chooses, and thus could be swimming with all sorts of STDs.
Me, I leave taken girls alone, regardless of what I think of her boyfriend. If he’s a douchebag, she’s either going to figure this out on her own, or learn to accept her lot in life.
My perspective is shaped by being that boyfriend at one time. I wasn’t a douchebag, though. She apparently was.
That first school of thought is a twisted rationalization which seems to be hugely popular among would-be PUAs. Some camps even teach you how to be a breakup catalyst. Hopefully they get what’s coming to them.
I won’t condone being a ‘break up catalyst’, but I feel that if a person is willing to cheat, then it wasn’t a very deep relationship. I guess it’s a little bit like saying if you gotta state that she’s with you, then she’s not really with you.
Please don’t take this negatively, I’m just giving my two cents but unless you know the boyfriend well (ie: personal acquaintance of yours), I don’t think you should be so hasty in calling him a douche bag. If you’re basing your judgment on what she tells you, buyer beware. There’s always two sides to a coin.
Whatever her reasons for sleeping with you, ultimately she’s the douche because she’s cheating on someone.
If he really isn’t that good, she should leave him and start afresh, instead of sleeping around behind his back. When girls can’t leave a guy and are willing to sleep around because he’s no good for them, the best stance to take IMHO (if you’re not friends with them) is to make it clear that you’d definitely do them if they were single. Sleeping with them doesn’t provide anything other than potential entanglements with the whole mess which you probably don’t want in the first place.
It’s a vicious circle too: he treats her poorly, she sleeps around therefore their relationship further suffers, he treats her the same or worse.
Encouraging a break-up’s not all that hot but if you both want the relationship together, then perhaps you can give her the support she needs to get out of her previous one.
Does it make a difference to you if you are the one pursuing or if she is the one pursuing. What if you both are?
It only makes the difference in who is to blame for “first step”. If she pursues you and you give in, she’s cheating. If you pursue and she cheats, she (or the relationship) is weak, but it’s still cheating.
If you both are, then WTF is she doing in the relationship anyways? Get her to break up first… otherwise you need to ask if this is a way for a pseudo-relationship with no strings attached.
-> She’s still cheating.
-> You shouldn’t encourage her or give in. Bad ju-ju, even if you don’t consummate.
What if she has cheated on him before and he’s too much of a pussy to find another girl (my case).
I find it odd that women are often expected to forgive affairs but men are seen as “pussies” when they do the same.
Is there anything wrong with this guy that would prevent him from ever finding another girl? If there’s nothing obvious, then perhaps he cares about her enough to forgive past indiscretions.
-> Just because she cheated before is not some “get out of bad karma” card that validates you doing the dirty with her.
Does it make a difference if you just want sex or you are interested in pursuing a relationship beyond sex?
It does not make the inkling of a difference in the long run. Cheating is cheating. Doesn’t matter why, when, who.
If you really want a relationship beyond sex, then you need to do a bit of fact-finding beforehand and find out for yourself whether they are truly happy together or not. If they aren’t, make your intentions clear to her and “sell” her your potential relationship and why it would work out if you got together once she’s single. LaPew said that many women bounce from one relationship to another. That is true but IMHO, you still need to make sure there is a clean, clear break between them, even if it’s just a matter of hours.
-> Sex-only’s classic cheating but who would want to be with someone willing to cheat as a relationship opener?
From a woman’s perspective, it’s always easier to rationalise by saying bad things about the person you’re with to justify sleeping around. It doesn’t help and when one does that (man or woman), they’re lying to themselves.
Just the way it’s easy to blame another woman for coming onto your man when in fact, he’s done all the pursuing.
Again, I don’t want to come across as a sanctimonious cow, I have no right to judge anyone for what they do, these are just my thoughts on the subject
I have been on both ends of this topic, giving and receiving.
I was in a relationship and started loosely dating another lady, (nothing serious, spending time together, talking etc) I terminated relationship #1 and started moving forward with the new relationship. my mistake, it went south quickly and I had trashed relationship #1 beyond salvaging.
But, Let me tell you there is nothing like walking in to your “GF’s place” and finding her in bed, actively swapping bodily fluids with someone you had considered your best friend. (no they weren’t kissing they had progressed from kissing through heavy petting to basic nudity)
If she is unhappy in the relationship I draw the line at she needs to terminate #1 relationship, before I will start #2.
I will give strong consideration to Separated and those currently seeking or going through a divorce.
The trouble is that if a person is currently unhappy in a relationship, how long until they are shopping around on you, should the grass be greener again across the next fence.
but then I am a 1 woman man, and expect a 1 man woman.
I have passed up several girls who would have been fun in the sack, because they were in a relationship, be them unhealthy, unhappy or just frisky.
I did draw the line at a fully clothed massage. during which they managed to orgasm… (likely why they wanted more, but then I stopped them at return physical intimacy, as much as it hurt me, but I was not emotionally involved or ready for a steady partner.)
**Don’t sleep around at all wait untill you find the one your Soul mate
Plenty of Single Girls out there why screw around with someone else’s Girl that just makes you look cheap and it makes you the Whore not her.
Just a statement not intended for anyone on board, You’d understand if you were cheated on soo you wouldnt do it to others if you knew how it felt, many Marriages involving innocent kids growing up without their fathers are a plenty because of Promiscuity it’s a shameful act and it’s quite Sad actually when kid’s are involved.
Thanks for your responses. I was just wondering what other people thought. My best friend has a tendency to be attracted to all the girls i’m with. He won’t make a move until after me and the girl are done seeing each other but it gets annoying so i try not to do something similar to others. However if a guy doesn’t show me respect i have trouble respecting him.
If I may, it’s not so much about respecting him or her, it’s about respecting yourself. You don’t want a situation where you’re devaluating yourself by being considered a cheat (regardless of whether you initiated or her).:o
hopefully it’s okay that a girl shares her 2 cents too lol
Like the majority mentions, it’s a pain, waste of time, energy, loosing good karma when you sleep with a lady who’s in a relationship. Plus, you don’t want her boyfriend or hubby chasin’ after you with a rifle…why would you do that? when there are many hott single girls out there checkin’ you out
