So I’ve been talking to this girl a bit lately but she confuses the f— out of me lol. Little back story, she used to date a good friend of mine but they’ve been apart for 4-5 years now. Recently they’ve been hanging out a lil again but I don’t think he’s really looking for a relationship but a fling.
Where I come in to this… for whatever reason a while ago I signed in to my email and it started to auto sign me into my messenger as well. I hadn’t been on it in a while but she happened to be on and hit me up. She had some q’s about my business(hours,prices). She shows up and I set her up nothing crazy here. Next time she comes in we talk for a few hours, next time even longer.
That weekend a friend and I go out to have a few drinks. Almost didn’t go the place we did, she was supposed to see said ex that night but he ditched her(which he does often) and by chance ended up at the same place and we literally bumped into each other. We start talking again, she spends a ton of money on ME in drinks and we’re hanging out til about 5 AM. The next week she asked if I wanted to hang out, I did. We hang out again drinking she’s buy drinks again, this time we’re chilling on the roof of my car until 7-8 AM. Shooting stars and other cool stuff happening. She’s been flirtatious as have I and I was supposed to help her with working out and such(I’m a PT, she doesn’t really need to lose weight. very petite).
NOW, I haven’t seen or heard from her in ~a week. She’s been to my business though at times she knows I’m not usually there.
So wtf is up here? lol Is she saying ‘just be friends’ without actually saying it? I think it could be more than that. So where do I go from here to make that happen?
Thanks for reading all that. Didn’t realize it was so long lol
Now, I can understand what you’re saying. She didn’t buy any drinks for my other friend I went there with and she’s also taken drinks I have bought for her.
She also does the whole playing with hair and we have prolonged eye contact, flirting, hitting on the arm etc etc
I think that if you buy her something and she insists on reciprocating, then she’s saying “I don’t want to feel sexually obligated to you” because often guys buy girls gifts in order to get them into bed. I don’t think that’s what happened here.
When a girl buys a guy drinks or other gifts, especially without being asked or prompted to do so, it’s because she sees you as higher on the social scale and may be attracted to you. Women are driven to contribute to the man in her life. When she does stuff for you and flirts with you at the same time, she wants you. She bought you stuff, flirted with you and gave you hours of time to get her alone and “turn up the heat”. Twice. And you didn’t get it. So she doesn’t see any point in spending time with you, because you won’t take it to the next level. You rejected her, in her mind.
I didn’t actually understand this phenomenon until a very recently when I read some stuff on female psychology. Us dumbass guys usually won’t spot it in real-time, so the best thing to do is assume she’s naughty until proven innocent and try to escalate (without going too far too fast or ignoring negative signals) assuming that it’s socially safe to do so. MHarris touched on this when he noted that female brains are better at interpreting whats going on right now and male brains are better at making assumptions (or words to that effect) in a recent post.
I personally would pay for I guy that I was interested in as more than a friend… Especially if they paid the time before. I tend to feel really bad when someone is always paying for me time and time again… Try to take it along as just friends for now… Maybe it’ll turn into something more once the friendship is more secure…
What tezza23 said. Now you’ve gotta escalate. Call and ask her over for dinner. If she accepts, assume she still wants you. Meet her a the door with a big hug. If she’s receptive, proceed to kiss her. But let her know as soon as she arrives that you are wanting her. After dinner take her to the bedroom…
dude..heres my advice..dont think about it too much..just let it roll off the shoulder and keep doing what you’ve been doing..woman sometimes need their off days from whatever guys they are seeing..so just keep doing your thing and let her do her thing..one way or another she will come back..dont rush into anything..but instead make sure you plant your seeds wisely..dont come off as the clinger..but as the guy next door who’s chill and have the attitude of whatever happens happens..trust me it works alot..so just keep it easy going with her
I agree with joenaz…with a caveat.
We really want the men to lead. Please don’t make us initiate, it lowers our respect for you. We will definitely tell you if we’re not into the advances you’re making, but please, please don’t leave it up to us to make the first move.
If you’re really nervous and can’t work up the courage to kiss her, just hold her hand at first. If it is rather like a limp trout, she’s not interested. If her fingers twine into yours, take it as permission to try something else, like a kiss.
She will very likely not be offended by the fact that you want her. It does our female egos a world of good to know that we are desired. Just watch her for cues as to what she’s comfortable with.
Yeah, that’s pretty much what I’ve been doing joanaz. I’ll probably be out with some other girls this weekend, and hopefully testing some mones. So I don’t think I’m overly worked up just confused is all.
Oh yeah, she has to see me before long because she wanted me to watch a movie she had. So she’ll have to get it at some point.
I think Warren is dead on. If she’s intentionally going to your business when you aren’t there even though she was flirting and buying you drinks, she is waiting to see if you are gonna make a move or not. She may even be afraid you’ll reject her and is avoiding you to prevent having to face that.
So I don’t think I’m overly worked up just confused is all.