Before and after birth to my son I could tell hormonal changes in his mother (sadly my ex), and she nursed for 13 months. She also had an I.U.D. put in and she is such a different person who rarely see’s my our 2 year old son. I read on the studies and abstracts about women during pregnancy, but nothing on post pregnancy, after breastfeeding, or postpardom depression. She had a very very harsh upbringing (sexual, verbal, physical, along with poverty). Recently she said she is trying to work on our relationship which I never asked if it was Co-Parenting or slowly getting back together. Instant openess seemed to work a slight bit and I keep my positive attitude (not bringing up her cheating on me or not being there for her son) told her she is a great mother and just want the pre-pregnancy girl back. I only used one drop A134 and instant openness 3 sprays, along with 2 sprays of instant shine. I wonder if a certain putative with instant honesty and instant gentleman woud be better maybe a little instant shine and female magic?
Does she have any history of drug abuse? Just curious. I have a six year old boy myself and his mother might see him once a month and never calls. She has a history of major drug abuse even though she appears to be clean right now. And when she does she is more interested in what I do than talking to him.
What I have discovered though is pheromones have made a drastic difference in my dealings with her. The divorce decree has several visitation stipulations in it which she has tried to ignore but since using pheromones, she listens to every word I say and follows the decree much more closely now when she does decide she wants to see him.
The only other issue is that when she is alone with my son, she questions him about my personal life which I wish would stop.
P74, MX274, and encouragement to seek therapy with a therapist who has training and experience working with adult who came from a traumatic family background. Also look into EMDR therapy with her for old childhood trauma. http://www.emdria.org/displaycommon.cfm?an=1&subarticlenbr=17
Don’t lie to her. If she is a bad mother or has been one in the past, she knows it, as well as you do. If you tell her she is a great mother, and she isn’t one, it is just going to make her feel manipulated and that she can’t trust you either. And it will increase her feelings of guilt and hopelessness. Even if she has been a good mother, but doesn’t believe it, telling her she is will increase her feelings of guilt and inadequacy.
It is better to say something like, “I know you have had (or have) problems with this, but I know that it can get easier for you. You may not feel this way right now, but you are a very important person in my life and in our son’s life. I’d like to see that get healthy, and I’m here for you in that way. I have faith in you. I believe in you. I’ll hold that vision for you until you can see it for yourself.” Tell her the truth, whatever you can tell her and still be supportive.
I’m not trying to be harsh, HADYOU. I’ve just been there. There is great hope, so hang in there. She is lucky to have you stand by her. One day she may know that.
Diane
I used to do drugs before I was in a coma 3.5 years ago, I quit all together and am not tempted to return to drugs. She has only smoked some green a couple times with me before she was pregnant and hated alcohol until we split up now she’s a bar fly, she’s slowed down a bit and my mothers an O.B. nurse and said that she’s seen many women go AWOL after childbirth if that woman has had a tragic upbringing. My son’s mother has had above and beyond tragic, I just want to figure a way for her to open back up to my son and myself would be great also but she is now following her own mothers footsteps, My home is with my parents since the neurosurgeon told me not to work especially after 2 children, severe trauma to my head (beaten with a bat), and just wants me to concentrate on my children with no stress or anxiety from a boss or customers having a bad day. I wish she asked about me as does your ex, but she makes all talk short.
Makes sense diane999 thank you for the input, I’ll start with using truthful input like that because when she see’s him she is great with him and she used to be such a great full time mother and also I am 25 and she is only 22 so being young also I imagine has added to it. Instant honesty and female magic along with shine? or will one of the putatives or experimone products be likely to add more to getting her more understanding. She was never up for anything in the medical department like counseling or antidepresents.
MX274 and instant honesty sound good for my situation? or P74 sound better, and on one of diane999 journals there was one that was an anti-depresent which may help my sons mother also.
I would never recommend a pheromone in place of therapy. Pheromones can help, but they aren’t a magic bullet. They can influence, sometimes, but so much of pheromone’s effects are determined by factors that are not defined. Some people who are depressed don’t find pheromones work. The same is true of some people suffering from anxiety. So much depends on the individual’s brain chemistry.
Pheromone technology and science is in it infancy. Too much is unknown at this time. What you read in one of my posts is not a recommendation to use pheromones for depression. Those were scientific articles and studies looking at the potential to use pheromones for that. The studies are inconclusive at this time.
I admire you for trying to seek help for her. But she has to take the steps to achieve health for herself for anything to be effective in the long term.
Diane
Your story sounds familiar. My ex went through a lot of abuse, primarly sexual, until she was in her early teens. Her mother was an addict herself (primarly alcohol and pills) and wasn’t a very attentive parent. My ex’s drug of choice was meth which I knew very little about until after we had married. By the way she is a nurse.
I felt a lot of sympathy for my wife for her tragic childhood but at some point “they” have to put it behind them or they drag everybody else down with them. She about destroyed me financially but have been able to pull through that mess. I have complete custody of our son and she only seems interested in visiting him less than twice a month.
By the way, I am not flattered about her questioning my son about me. In fact, I asked her to stop.
From what I have read from your posts. Trust me on this. Get on with your life and take care of your children. There is nothing and I mean nothing you can do to help her or to change her feelings. She will either wake up and realize what happened or keep going with what she is doing now.
Good Luck