SITUATION: Date with Gaming Guy (43 years old)
This would be my third meeting with this guy, but this time it’s one-on-one. We’re meeting immediately after work at an expensive fine dining restaurant. He chose the restaurant!
PHEROMONES:
1 drop A314 (Royale)
1 spray Ammo (2x)
1 spray P96 (50 mcg/spray)
My goal for the evening was to establish an emotional connection for friendship. I prefer to get to know a guy first before being physical with him. From our communications via email, he seemed like the kind of guy who would be a fine friend.
I used Ammo since he was exposed to it the previous two times. I wanted a sense of continuity with my scent. I also used A314 to add a bit more status since we were meeting at a fine dining restaurant. P96 was included to buffer the enone in Ammo and A314, but mainly to add warmth and encourage emotional connection.
OBSERVATIONS:
I arrived at the restaurant early. He arrived about 10 minutes after me. I was a bit nervous going into this date because of the restaurant he chose. I could afford a meal there, but I was mostly concerned of status issues. Fortunately, he actually meant the bar section of the restaurant, which was a lot more casual and had happy hour specials going on. I felt much more relaxed about the date.
We got a place to sit at the bar and sat side by side; I was on his left. After ordering drinks and food, I started to feel more confident, so I positioned my body to face him directly. However, he seemed nervous and perhaps felt awkward. We were sitting on stools, and his body was turned towards the bar.
We talked about our personal histories - coming out, relationships, boyfriends, and escapades. I made a point to share my personal history first to help him feel more comfortable about sharing his. I also made a point to sip my whiskey slowly so I didn’t get to blabby. Eventually, he seemed to settle and started to share his story.
He shared something that threw a monkey wrench into the evening. He had broken up with his boyfriend about 9 days ago. They had dated for only 3 months when he called it off, but he still left the door open for a possible reconciliation with the guy. He also shared that he has a tendency to establish relationships with guys who are emotionally unavailable and who tend to bulldoze over his boundaries, something he wants to change. Not a big deal to me, but I knew I had to treat this issue with respect and finesse. Despite the serious tone of some of our topics, we still joked around and laughed.
Eventually, we left the restaurant to go to a gay bar where we could talk more candidly. By that time, we both had two drinks each.
When we got to the bar, we ordered a round of beer and found a secluded area to chat. As we settled in, we continued our talk about past relationships, particularly his.
At one point, I was very silent because I was thinking about his comment regarding emotionally unavailable men. I don’t think of myself as emotionally unavailable, despite being partnered. In fact, I ended a relationship during the summer because the guy I was dating thought I was too emotionally available; I had strong feelings towards the guy, and he didn’t like that.
While I was pondering this, my friend asked what I was thinking about. I told him I didn’t think it was appropriate to share it with him, but he assured me that he wouldn’t reject me as a friend, if that was what I was worried about. I made several attempts to get the words out of my mouth, but I couldn’t. He then grabbed my hand and held it. From that point on, the words flowed and I expressed what was on my mind. I also told him I thought he was attractive and his overall vibe worked for me.
He acknowledged what I said and stated that he can’t guarantee that that is the direction our friendship would go in. At that moment, my fear was realized; it was too early to have had expressed something like that. I immediately quipped, “So, you’ve been watching the World Series?” We laughed and changed topics.
After another round of beer, we left the bar and we walked to my car. Since he took mass transit to work, I offered to drive him home. When we got to his house, he invited me inside. I accepted. Inside his home, we stood around and chatted about home renovations and house projects. After a few minutes, I fell quiet again. He asked what I was thinking. “I’m wondering about the appropriateness of asking you for a kiss.”
He said he was tempted, but probably wouldn’t be a good idea since he hadn’t fully resolved the breakup with this previous boyfriend and needed a bit more time to himself. But, he said he would give me a hug. The hug was very firm and long. He buried his face in my neck where I sprayed Ammo and kept it there throughout the hug.
After we hugged, I asked if I could see him again. He responded with an emphatic yes. I also reassured him that I would respect his boundaries as a friend, which he was very pleased to hear. As I walked out the door, I quipped, “Unless you want a rebound fling.” Before he could say anything, I quickly told him I was joking. I reminded him that I would respect his boundaries.
ASSESSMENT:
I would say I accomplished my goal - establish an emotional connection with him. P96 definitely assisted with this process. A314 may have made him nervous in the beginning, maybe some slight status intimidation. Ammo, however, kept the conversation light. Even when the topic got serious, we managed to find elements of humor and brevity. In time, I will know the extent of the impression I made on him.
The highlight of the evening was when he held my hand. That gesture really melted the blockage of my sharing. Besides that incident, conversation flowed very easily and readily. While I was bummed that I didn’t get to kiss him, at least I got a hug, which was a welcomed surprise. I never experienced that type of intimate, yet non-sexual, hug from a guy on a first date before.
This morning, I sent him a message to thank him and express my appreciation for certain elements of the evening. I also suggested that he and I get together to listen to classical music and perhaps attend a symphony concert. (We are both classical music buffs.) Given his situation, I will likely let him dictate the pace of our time together, but I will also use pheromones to encourage him to act on his feelings.