I found these 4 basic questions online and thought its better to know only a few than to know tons.. Talk a LOT but about only a few things and only when there’s silence bring one of these up. Otherwise you can always listen to what a woman is talking about and converse about that.
Here they are:
What are your hobbies and interests.
What would you do with your life if you never had to work?
What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done
4). What traits do you look for in a man? (When ordering desert or coffee) sit beside her.
This is over lunch or dinner. Now guys and women do you think this would lead to some kissing at the end of the date? these are supposed to be entertaining questions and not your traditional “what do you do for a living, etc etc” questions.
I think its fits well ina restaurant bar. If shes not up for desert there’s always coffee or drinks.
Any input? Or anything you’d like to ad.
P.S. i have a date coming up in 1.5 weeks and want to try this new approach out.. Its not from any PUA material. i think its fairly simple 70% listen and respond , 20% talk and initiate conversation.
Personally dsouza, I think you may be trying to impress, (which may come across as false) foreseeing too much into your interaction with this lady causing you to think to much into your upcoming interaction & you may be getting TOO nervous about your situation but honestly, just ease, calm down, be yourself & just have flirty fun & don’t take things too serious (have a good time like your going out with an old friend) & enjoy your time with her on your date.
Remember FUN FUN FUN
Be YOU! your original self, let your true PERSONALITY shine
If she likes you she likes you & if she don’t, well, don’t worry yourself over it, just let your personality shine, & don’t forget, she’s agreed to go on a date with YOU! & YOU, is what you should supply her with.
Remember, she is meeting you, as you are RIGHT NOW. Be you, & never change the ‘original you’ just to impress ANYONE.
She likes me for who I am because I am seen with another girl and I am a challenge to her.
However, as soon as I go on a date with her if I act like how I act with my SO , a MUTE, I really don’t think being myself will help the interaction.
Being yourself may be ok if you have the personality of a Johnny Depp etc but if you don’t and your a complete mute who doesn’t know what to talk about except gibberish I will be obliterated by the end of the first date with her.
I need to know how to act on a date. What to talk about. How to have a conversation.. how to escalate to physical means.
When I was 20 I had the body and didn’t approach women.. In the end women approached me and I felt them up and had sex with them.. they were usually easy girls.
But not that I think about it my personality sucked back then . I was more a man of action (good job, young, in shape, high sex drive)..
Now I’m older, my body is not as good, I don’t have a great job, and my sex drive is in the dumps.
So you still say be yourself..??? I say forget be yourself and fix things!!!
That includes how to talk to women on a date.
Hey dsouza, sounds like you may have an insecurity issue here, (this is about you & not about her) why do you seem like you have to impress her???
you used to be the MAN, but somehow, you seem to have taken a back seat with you ‘manhood’ but, you have answered your own question, she sees you with another girl &, she want’s you. So, she wants you because of who you already are, wouldn’t you agree? So, go for a date with her &, be, lust like you are. the way you act, when your with this other girl. (who you hang around with)
In fact dsouza, treat your date as if you are going out with ‘this girl you already go around with THAT MAKES YOU SO CHALLENGING’ nothing more, nothing less! She is a lady & you are a man, & during your date, you will tell her interest in you after a while because you will feel the interaction as positive & she finds you INTERESTING, then, as you say your goodbyes at the end of the night you must MAN UP once again, & take the lead, take her hand, shake it, then, without too much FUSS, just reach over & kiss her on the lips
Dsouza, your over thinking it. It will come off weird if you sit there and ask her a bunch of questions out of the blue. Compatibility and rapport means your conversations just flow. That connection can not be rehearsed.
To converse you need to find some commonality. Talk about your day, ask about her day, Use the keyword system.
Example >>>>
You ask what she did today and she says “oh I took my dog pookie for a long walk it was lovely” (Lame I know but its just an example LOL)
Your keywords dog pookie walking. Ask about her dog, Ask how she came up with the name. Share a personal story about dogs. Don’t over ask questions without sharing something about your self or an opinion. Its not an inquiry its a date.
Or suppose she says she went to the gym today to workout. There is a commonality.
The point is you dont want it to come off like an interview. Women hate that. Just take a deep breath, relax and let it flow. You can do this.,
Escalating… Conversation wont do it unless of course your talking dirty which I dont suggest till your more comfortable with her.
Use body language first. Eye contact, impish grin, face your body towards her, spread legs slightly apart. Lean in when you talk to her. If your legs are not covered by a table rub your thigh.
Then move onto Kino, touch her hand when you talk, If her hair falls into her face fix it for her, stuff like that.
You know men of the past generations were pretty darn clever. People think “what a gentlemen” when they hook out there arm for a women to loop into when walking or hold the seat out or door open. Snort… They may be gentlemen but they didnt do it for that reason. Its an opportunity to use kino and create intimacy and sexual tension.
So if you walk her to the door offer her your arm.
Open the car door for her and hold her arm or hand as she gets out
Open the restaurant door for her and as she enters put your hand to the small of her back to lead her in.
Pull her chair out for her and as she settles in it touch her shoulder or better yet if she has long hair run your finger along the back of her neck to sort of move the hair from between the chair and her body.
PUA’s wil say your treating her like a princess. Nope not really LOL Your using these opportunities to create more intimacy so by the time you walk her to her door she will be itching for that kiss.
I believe your response has some merit and is valuable in many ways (physical escalations before kissing, communication etc), but what about a sense of challenge and mystery?
The girl I am attracted to and pursuing right now works as a waitress and she is showing interest. However, she is USED to people talking to her and very used to approaching people because of her job. If I act too needy I will just be another one of those people… I have to make her chase me so I stand out DIFFERENTLY from the pack. Do you see my point?
What I do is learn something about her each time I go into the restaurant then use what I learned about her to continue the conversation and create humour and teasing. I only see her atthe restaurant 1 x week so there is no neediness.. I have yet to ask for her phone number which is 3 weeks in now so I am being a challenge.
This weekend will be my third visit with her .. i figure I’ve built enough of non neediness with her to ask for her # and not appear like I am falling all over her. When I call her it will be once a week or so no more.
I am not interested in a long term bond with her (for example marriage as we are too different) , just some fun, romance, and challenge, fascination and lust. It is my responsibility to create those states in her.
I’ll use some of your tips ESPECIALLY kino , but in the past when I have been nice to women it has made them walk over me.. I’m telling this from experience. When I paid for expensive dinners etc women were more likely to use me for money than be attracted to me.
I’ve learned a lot about not appearing needy and I rarely give out the same compliments over and over. I have always been quiet and now over the years as I talk more its working to my advantage as I say more but not too much to come across as a gabber.
This is where a little bit of teasing and negging come in. I know your familar with PUA tactics so you know the ins and outs of negging. You dont insult, you just leave them sort of guessing as to what your about.
Asking preselected date questions will come off needy. Your going for smooth not needy. This is where the keywords to conversation comes in handy. You could go for visual ques as well. Suppose she is wearing something unusual or did her hair different for the date. Practice it on everyone.
You could neg to add mystery at the same time here. Suppose her hair is up you could say. “your hair looks nice, I like it down” See this leaves her guessing whether you like her hair or not.
When we say “mystery” that doesn’t mean like James Bond where you keep your true self a mystery. . The trick is to leave a mystery as to what your thinking and your intentions.
I didnt tell you to pay for dinner or buy them anything. There is a difference between being nice and being a doormat. You can be a gentleman and use that opportunity to create sexual tension but you dont have to buy her shit. You can be nice without cost just dont be a doormat. Dont solve her problems, listen to her whine, be a shoulder to cry on etc etc… I know there is a fine line, dont confuse politeness and gallantry for niceness. Its gallant to hold the door open and cop a feel as she enters LOL. Its not nice.
I know your not. Its both your responsibility to create those states. But since your the pursuer the ball is in your court.
Your only met this waitress 3 times and as I mentioned before in another post waitresses and service people are hard to break. We get hit on all the time and after a while you sort of shield yourself to it. I am not saying dont go for it or she doesn’t like you. It just may take more time.
I know you go in there with your SO a lot. Do you ever go alone ? It would be worth doing so to see how she interacts with you alone.
Its not how much you say its what you say. I can create mystery often with one word. Have you read the book social intelligence by Daniel Goldmen (I think i spelled his last name right) I suggest you pick up a copy. It will help you with the conversation part and creating the image you want using words. It will also help you have a understanding as to where the person your conversing with is coming from which gives you advantage.
Its fine to compliment, its not to gush coddle or idolize. Use the compliment to create mystery.
Dont say your hair looks so pretty then grin like goof ball.
Say …
Your hair looks pretty, I like when you wear it down. Or if its down say the opposite. compliment + neg = mystery. I am not saying throw compliment after compliment at her or anything. One well placed one will help in the chase though. Make her want to find out what you meant.
This is just an example of course so you can get the gist of what I am saying.
Your response was really detailed… special thanks for that.. I will look up the book by Daniel Goldman!
One other question i wanted to ask.. Do you think as part of physical escalation giving a woman a high five is worth doing, or do you think its too friend zone touching and I should stick to arms, low back, face etc …?
No High five is to adolescent . When first meeting or parting touch her forearm.
For instance your walking out of the restaurant and see her, put your hand on her forearm (dont squeeze) make eye contact and say… “tell the cook dinner was outstanding, goodnight (insert name)” wink and leave.
Or you could say something else like " Have a nice week (insert name) … Till we meet again (insert name) wink.
Oh dont know if you read it but in this post a while back I explained the slow smile. (post 12) There are some tips in there that may help you on your quest as well. Of course the situation is different but the advice still applies. EPIC WTF - The object of my affection tells other women that I'm GAY
Talking in the car… some of us are not good multitaskers and have problems carrying on conversations in the car while driving (especially intelligent conversations).. Also sometimes we like to hear music in the car.
In the case of me I’m not the best at talking in the car unless women ask me a question first.. o.w. I tend to focus on the road.. this comes from years of habit.
Now my quesiton is suppose i decide to play music during the first date in the car.. Should I opt for my own created music which is just instrumentals: advantage it sounds great and is something I CREATED and has no words which could create a bad impression of me; disadvantage women may think I’m trying to impress them if they think I listen to my own music all the time and I’m more interested in me than them.
Any way I can play my music in the car and still get credit for it but not make it seem like I’m trying to be interesting instead of interested in her?
If your not a talker while driving just tell her casually but don’t make a big deal of it. Suggest music for the drive and let her pick. Leave your music on top so she see’s it. When her hand touches it, Nonchalantly mention thats your music. She will most likely want to hear it so she will pick it and then it wont seem like your trying to impress. Then act all modest and shit LOL
Its the art of making people think your ideal was really theirs. Comes in handy LOL
Asking a woman out.. of course theres dozens of ways to do it.. Let use the most simple… the direct verbal approach (No stalking here).
THE SPECIFIC APPROACH
For example with this waitress I plan on saying
After some general fluff talk and being served by her
Adrian: Hey D, Can I ask you a personal question?
Adrian: Would you be interested in going out to dinner with me this thursday night at Red Lobster?
D: option 1: I have a boyfriend.
Adrian: He’s a lucky guy… End of interaction and pursuing?
D: option 2: sure.
Adrian: I’ll need to get your phone number so I can make arrangements with you. Why don’t you leave it on the bill so your manager doesn’t see? (editors note: this is the anti slut defense since a woman doesn’t want to always be labelled as a slut )
D: option 3: sure.
Adrian: I’ll need to get your phone number so I can make arrangements with you. (Then I pull out a pen and paper and write it down right there and then).
D: option 4: Can I think about it?
Adrian: (no idea what the fuck to say) Is this a no, is she brushing me off, does she truly need time??? Note time is on my side here as she is a waitress and its not a one time deal.. I will see her frequently.
Finally the big question, if she ask when I will call what is the verdict. Rememeber she is young (21 years old).. She may not like guys who are too easy (nice guys).. She may like a bit of a challenge. Also being a waitress she may be working nights till 10 pm and I won’t really know the days. If I don’t catch her it may look too desparate on my part to keep calling back. In a case like this its hard to know when to call and I don’t feel like playing telephone games for weeks.. Do you think leaving messages on answering machines work? Would you give her a call back number – that is a real loss of power…AND puts the ball in her court. Not good. What would you do? I was wondering if I should simply not play games and say I’ll call you later tonight… the mood is already set.. and I’m not going into long discussions on the phone (My phone game sucks as I have a monotone voice… I would rather just use the phone to set up a first date).
THE INDIRECT APPROACH
Here is a quote of the interenet on a search I did on how to ask out a waitress in particular.
In my experience women don’t call until they feel comfortable with you and/or are attracted to you. Most times it requires you taking the initiative to call and make dates. By giving out your number you end up handing over all the power to the server who gets hit on frequently and may not be that interested in you at first. If she doesn’t call it makes it awkward to return to the restaurant for you and for her. It may be better just to tell her that you noticed she works hard and ask her when is the last time someone took her out for dinner. Then observe. If she tells you her boyfriend took her out last week then you saved face by not asking her out. You can then respond by acting surprised and with a smile say, "Oh you have a boyfriend… Well I’m glad you have someone to keep you company when I’m not around. Make sure to smile and be confident when saying something like this. If she doesn’t mention a boyfriend, but says something like she’s been too busy working to get out or it’s been a while etc. Tell her you’ll take her out on her next day off. If she says, sounds good tell her to give you her degits and you’ll text her the details. This way she doesn’t have to worry about you calling her and wanting to talk and her having to say no over the phone if she decides later that she doesn’t want to go out with you. The bottom line is you don’t want to leave the ball in her court while she’s at the restaurant and in work mode. If you do she has 50 balls to choose from and she won’t choose yours. Chances are she won’t choose any and she’ll wait for a guy who knows what he wants and knows how to get it. One thing is for certain if she’s attractive she is likely seeing someone (and in some cases seeing more than one person). So you have to be ready for that. Have fun and be sincere, but keep your pride. I have never known a single guy who has left his number or bought a bouquet for an attractive woman he hardly knew and got a date or a call back unless the woman was nuts.
Ok people.. I’ve laid out the cards… help! This weekends the day I make the move.
LOL Yes I am sneaky. My hubby laughs because I do that to my kids all the time and they still haven’t caught on that it was my ideal to begin with. Truth be told I do it to him to and he never catches on. Its an age old witches trick really. Plant a thought and make you think its your own.
Well lets see, if it were me I would skip asking if you can ask a personal question.
Adrian >>> Hey D, how do you feel about lobster ?
D… I love it
Adrian >>>>>> Good, how about we go out Thursday night to dinner and have some.
D… Option 1 ( I have a boyfriend)
Adrian … Oh does he not allow you to eat lobster ? ( this will make her giggle but its a semi neg)
D… No I don’t date other men.
Now here you can choose to go two ways and see what happens.
Adrian … Oh ok He is a lucky guy, make sure he brings you out for lobster. This will leave it on a non awkward teasing note that will make her think about you later.
Or
Adrian… Is eating lobster dating ? (again teasing her) We can just call it dinner not a date.
See where it go’s
Option 2 D… Sure sounds good.
Adrian… Great, leave your number on the bill so I can call and set up a time this way your boss wont know you’ve been stalking me for lobster
(again teasing with a mild neg and making her think it was some how her ideal to begin with. LOL )
Better option would to set the date right then and there. Ask for her number in case something comes up and give her yours but don’t procrastinate on setting the date. It doesn’t mean your needy or desperate it means your a man who knows what you want. Saying you will call her later is sort of wishy washy in my opinion. Alpha males cease the moment.
Option 3 D… Can I think about it. This is a stall tactic. Means she likes you but she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. People generally know what they want.
I would say " I can wait till you figure out how you feel but cant promise I will wait" Ok BL here … lean in slightly, eye contact, wink, impish grin and walk away. There you go a mysterious neg LOL This indicates your interest may be elsewhere by the time she figures out what she feels.
Wow dude your really over thinking it LOL. Seriously if she says yes or sure set the time and date right away. Dont give her time to think about it. Its harder to break the date once set then it is to just tell you on the phone she cant.
If you dont choose that option…
Wait 24 hours to call…
Before you ask her out see if you can pick up on her work schedule so you call when she is more likely to be able to answer the phone.
I wouldn’t leave a message its to easy to ignore it.
The beginning is good to find out if she in involved with someone.
I am not a big fan of texting. I tend to read people through body language, verbal tones, placement of words, facial expressions and while I can read people online in a forum type setting or by IM…texts are just to random and short.
I agree you dont want to leave the ball in her court which is why I suggest setting time and date right out of the gate. If she just said yes to going out she is not going to immediately change her mind once you indicate the time/day.
Try to find out ahead of time. For instance before you move into the hook up when you first come in say… Hey how ya doing, I thought today was your day off. Most people respond with… no thursdays my day off. So now you know LOL
If you use the “Good I will take you out your next day off” you will already know what day that is. This way you can say pick you up Thursday at 6pm and then get her number so you can get her address.
I was about to give the typical advice that worrying about ruining a date is the surest way to ruin it. But apparently everyone’s already said that so…
“What worries you, masters you” - Haddon W. Robinson
Today (Sat) afternoon i saw the waitress for the 3rd time.. i decided I’ve made her wait in anticipation long enough about me and now I will make me move.
So today I did.. First started off with a joke about music to create some sort of humor. She smiled and was very friendly.. Then I ordered my meal A lot of talk went on.
Finally when I was alone in the restaurant and no one else was around, I stated:
“D you look like you work so hard serving people lunch and dinner, when is the last time someone took you out for dinner?”
She replied:
“Actually just yesterday, my boyfriend and I went out”
I then replied with a sense of humor:
“I’m glad you have someone to keep you company while I’m not around”
A few minutes of fluff talk later I got the bill, left a good tip as usual and left.
Now I know she is taken.
Now WHAT CAN I LEARN FROM THIS? I feel maybe my approach to talking to her lead her to tell me about a boyfriend, and maybe had I asked her about going out in a different way the boyfriend excuse (If she really has one) may of never come up.
Thanks for all your help.. I didn’t lose much.. Not even a dime in dating.. I sure learned to confront my fear of approach , making it that much easier next time around.
Given the fact that I’ll be running into her repeated over the summer and she’s seen me with my SO there is no real drama to her having a BF.. In fact it puts us in the same bucket.
Any suggestions what I should do at this point when I confront her down the line , especially if there is strict criteria that I don’t want to be friended? I wouldn’t mind staying a potential suitor for her and her for me (while i pursue others).. however, I don’t think I can go there and talk to her in exactly the same way as before. For now I know she’s unavailable and that killed all attraction.. Perhaps the attractions was just from me towards her. In any case would you people think I should change up my mone signature around her now? I’ve been using IS AMMO exclusively the last 3 times I’ve met her. Is there any purpose to changing up the signature and behaving differently?
I wonder if its time when I go back to treating her more formally and waiting for her to initiate.. After all I did my part and now she knows after telling me she has a BF I won’t pursue.. So I wonder if its time for me to act differently?
What do you think? I say this because I will run into her on several occasions over the summer.
Is this a no, is she brushing me off, does she truly need time??? Note time is on my side here as she is a waitress and its not a one time deal.. I will see her frequently.