Dating gurus, Where did I go wrong?

Lounge
1

I’ll try to make as brief as possible. A couple months ago my friend J introduced me to one of her friends H. Blonde mid 20’s, cute 8, we said our hellos and had a little small talk for about 5 minutes. She left with J and I didn’t see her agian for the rest of the night. About twoo weeks later she shows up with a couple more friends, we talk and flirt a little but nothing to serious. Another 2 weeks or so go by before i see her again. She see me runs over, gives me a hug and says lets do some shots. I’m thinking great she’s one of those “buy me a drink” chicks, to my suprise she paid. We had a couple more drink most of which she paid and this time there was a little more flirting and a little kino. Unfortunately she had one too many and wasn’t feeling too good and I ened up driving her home.
Another 2 weeks go by before I see her again. She’s talkig to a couple when she see me, She come over and give me a hug then walks me over to where she was. She continues her conversation with the couple and I talk to my friend K the bartender. K whispers “She likes you” I said "You think so? " K responds “OMG you should have seen how her face lit up when she saw you” Just as finishes talking H wedges half her body between me and the bar. I placed my hand on her hip, she interlaces her hand with mine then places my hand on her stomach. From that point we were pretty much in our own little world. When H went to the bathroom J comes over and offers me some advice “What ever you do, don’t rush her she hates that”. H returns and J says to me “let me see your hand” J takes my hand and puts it H breast. I immediately move my hand and apologize.

BC: I’m sorry but that was J
H : “I know, it’s ok”
J : “most guys would still be grabbing you,BC’s a good guy, he’s a keeper”
H : " I know"

H asks me about her padded bra, (she thinks her breast are too small) I told her she didn’t need one, she has nothing to worry about and that a nice butt was more important. So of course she ask me to critique hers, I tell it’s great nice shape and size. She asks me to feel it , I oblige and it’s spectacular. My friend L (the bartender from last time) walks by and see us.

L “how long have you guys been dating?”
BC “Were not…yet”
H “not yet”
L "what the hell are you guys waiting for? You guys are all lovey dovey, you’re grabbing his ass, you’re grabbing hers, you guys are so cute together.

Everything is going great I can’t do anything wrong. When were at the bar I would stand behind her with my hands in her jean pockets. One time after taking a sip of my drink while attempting to put my hand back in her pocket my aim was a little off. My hand went into her pants, I thought I’ve totally fucked this up. I apologized , she turned around said “its ok” and gives me a kiss. All our friends kept commenting how cute we looked together. The club was closing and she asked me to drive her
home. We talked in the car for about 30 min, kissed her goodnight and off I went. I texted her about 20 min later.

BC : Good night princess, I had a great time
H : me too , thanks for taking care of me. Good night
BC : my pleasure, We should hang out this weekend
H : Definetly
BC : sweet dreams princess
H : Sweet dreams prince

That was Saturday, Monday I texted her this

BC : Hey I know how we can make some quick money
H : Really. What?
BC : Let’s rob a bank, 2011 Bonnie and Clyde
H : LOL I’m down
BC : What time do you get off so we can make plans
H : 11 I’ll call you later

Everthing seemed to going well, but since last monday she hasnt answered any of my calls or texts.

2

Need RAD and Tish to weigh in on this one.

The possibilities and you gotta weigh the probabilities

  1. She’s probably been really busy
  2. She played you
  3. She met someone else
  4. You made all the wrong moves (unlikely)
  5. She really likes you but has some baggage/doesn’t want to rush things/ is taking some time to think about things
  6. Girls are rationally irrational (highly likely) and she’s a wild dice - There’s no better explanation
3

Blacky its only Wednesday. Dont jump to the conclusion you did anything wrong. It could be many things. Hopefully she is alright, maybe her phone broke. I once tried to call my friend Mare for 3 days with no response and I ended up driving over there because I was worried only to find out she dropped her phone in the toilet.

As far as your exchange I dont see that you did anything majorly wrong that would cause a turn around.

You did text her 20 minutes after saying good night on Saturday which PUA’s will tell you is a no no but it was a quick exchange and she responded to your Monday text. That text on Monday asking to get together may have been to soon but hell she just could have said Mondays are busy for me.

Your friends on the other hand may be to pushy. You mentioned one told you she doesn’t like to rush but they keep mentioning it and that may have caused her to feel pressured. Even though your not the one pressuring her that can make her back off if its true and she doesn’t like to rush in.

Give it a day or so and see what happens . Dont text or call or you will appear needy and like your pushing which she doesn’t like.

At this point you dont know for sure whats up and its premature to think she is not into you. If she changes her mind on hanging together this coming weekend then something may be up.

Oh and dont call her “princess” unless you want to serve her every whim.

Tisha

4

I wasn’t clear, it wasn’t this monday it was the one before. So it’s been over a week.

I thought it was light hearted text, nothing to needy. Oh well

I thought about this too, but most of the people commenting were mutual friends of both of us. Also a couple of times when comments were made she would give me a big smile, the puppy eyes and a really tight hug .

I usually don’t, but that was a little inside info. The last time I met her she was talking to a couple other girls about pet names. She said she loved when her BF called her by one. She felt it created a special type of bond. When I dropped her off the previous night, I said “Goodnight Princess” She got this huge smile then responded “good night, my prince”

I’ve moved on , but in the interest of bettering myself I figured I’d ask. My only thought is that maybe the comfort level she felt was a little overwhelming for some she in a sense, she barely knows.

That night i was wearing
2dr a314 2 sp Ammo, 2sp Shine, 1sp tuth, p83@30mcg, 25 mcg A1

5

You mean you said to her on the Saturday when you texted her >>>>>>

Then you didnt text her till the Monday after that weekend ? :open_mouth:

That’s probably it then. If you mentioned it and she was looking forward to it then you didnt get together on the weekend she may think you were playing her or she was being to forward.

Tisha

6

Let me try to explain better. The night we hung out was Sat. night @ 11 pm it ended 5:am Sunday. Monday I sent the text, When i dropped her off she let me know that Sun was a family day for her. So it was a just a bit over a day.

7

I can’t get into PUA specifics, again we’ll let Rad do that.

However, whenever that’s happened to me, I don’t text afterwards. I have before and I typically don’t do it. Even when girls I’ve driven home tell me to text them when I get home, sometimes I won’t and when they ask, I just say I passed out.

Tisha is right it coulda just been she got busy. This is me, but I usually try one more time, then I just let the situation go. It could be her firends were putting too much pressure on her, and women can back off even if their friends are saying it. Also look at the level of intoxication. Sometimes people say things, but because when they’re sober, they have a wall up and are afraid of certain things and feeling a certain way. She could have had a little bit of a slap in the face in terms of her own self telling her to slow down.

If I were you, there really is nothing to lose, if she likes you then you going to make the effort to explain to her your interest but with no pressure, instead of her thinking you’re every other guy that just gives up.

Don’t be always chasing, but don’t also just stand still.

8

Yeah, where is Rad?

Anyway I’m cool with it. Physically she’s really cute (looks like Kristen Bell)but I’m not really into blondes, but her personality rocks. I don’t think were compatible, J told me her last 2 BF were asshole, zero personality douches. My guess is the attention and affection I gave her isn’t something she’s used to without fighting and argueing first . Some girls like relationships like a rollercoaster constant highs and lows. I don’t think I did anything wrong but I’m asking if I did.

9

Look man if you don’t want to, just call coolkat over.

10

I was wondering that myself but then remembered him mentioning moving into a new place so maybe he is just not all settled in just yet.

Tisha

11

There’s this one girl I know that I don’t invest any effort into what so ever but shes into me. She would txt me every other week, even when I thought she would disappear she comes back…

Now if I was to txt her sooner, she still wouldn’t get back to me until that 2 week point. Some people just can’t be bothered it seems until it fits their schedule.

Also she would have any number of other things on the go including other guys shes considering. But I doubt she would find someone new in that short of time unless shes actually looking. Would most likely be any number of people she was talking to from before.

12

Its really simple in my view. There’s a couple things that seem pretty off to me. One you didn’t really show discretion in the bar. You might have made her feel a bit slutty. On the other hand she seemed into you and yet you didn’t escalate and therefore if she was a little adventurous you showed her just how much of a nice guy you are. Nice guys finish last.

You’re initial text was OK and the rob the bank one excellent. You don’t elaborate on the rest though. How many times did you text her after the first?

When you text you wait for her to reply. So if you text and an hour goes by you wait about an hour to reply. If you keep texting and calling you sound desperate and not very busy. You are rewarding her bad behavior otherwise. Calling her princess was just out of the question, but it is what it is. Personally I see a lot of issues here. Apologizing for being a man and what your friends were doing was setting you off as a beta male. You might have said something like “If I wanted to feel your breast I would have done so myself. You didn’t need to have Bob put my hand on it. You two are so bad.” It makes it humorous and places the blame on her.

When someone says me and some girl would make a good couple I reverse it and move the person, especially a guy next to her, and say now you guys really make a cute couple. Again humorous and shows her you are not afraid of leaving her. Instead you called her princess and looked out for her?

All night long your friends and everyone else were calling you a good guy, the nice guy, the guy who isn’t going to take risks and she obviously wanted you to. Every action she portrayed said she was OK with moving along the interaction and yet you kept slowing it down. Essentially you entered into her reality. Women don’t want a nice guy “prince” they want a man to take charge and be the man. This might sting, but that night you weren’t the man. Her emotions did all the talking and you did all the listening.

You should move on and be seen with other girls. Let her friends and people you know that will tell her see you having a great time without her. Don’t mention her name, don’t call her, don’t ever call her princess and if she does call you be busy. Make this happen on your terms. Downplay her flakiness by saying oh its totally cool. I met (pause and then like an after-thought but with a sly grin) someone and we went to this incredible party. Then go hmmm, so what you been doing?

Every girl loves being called a nickname, but they have to earn it. You selecting a really cheesy one that puts her on a pedestal lowered your value by raising her up. Also you basically reminded her about the good things her BF did for her. Oh your BF was so fabulous so I’m going to try-hard and do the same thing. Nicknames should be spontaneous and reflect a fun event. Its a form of verbal anchoring. I fooled around with this one girl one summer a long time ago and she was bopping around the boardwalk at a summer concert we were at. I kept having to backtrack to find her. I was like you’re just poking along, so I shall call you pokey. We had such a great time that day so by me calling her pokey it reminds her of that day. You calling this girl princess tells her you value her bf calling her a nickname and simply reminds her of good times with someone else.

Yeah man lots and lots of stuff that could have been better. Go out and live your life. If and when she ever calls or texts take a looooong while to respond. Be busy doing other things. Even respond in a few hours that you were out with friends and it was so loud you missed the text. Make her wonder what she’s missing.

13

Thanks for all the advice guys. Sometimes we complicate issues and the answer is relatively simple. I spoke to her best friend the other night and got all the info I need. According to her friend I did everything perfect in her eyes. She lives at home and her parents help her out with most of her bills. So where’s the problem, Mom is racist and Dad is really really really racist. Basically told her if she ever dated a (racial slur for blacky chan) he would disown her.

14

That’s terrible.

But you know what they say when parents tell their kids not to do something.

15

UGH. Tell her parents that it’s 2011 not 1960! lol! (Well, don’t really tell them that, but sheesh, I feel like it.)

16

I definitively agree with Steve bro, I see many issues as well. Most importantly I think you didn’t escalate. You have to let her know you like her and that you’re somehow attracted to her, not in a cheesy way, but by complimenting her physique with some sexual tension in a humorous, confident and respectable way. So she knows that you are attracted to her, if you don’t show this things either in the first or second time you meet her then most likely will end up either in the friend’s zone or be dumped.

Best of lucks man, there’s plenty of girls out there! If she’s not the one for you, well, call it NEXT! Don’t waste your time and thoughts :wink: