As for the passive-aggressive confrontation, this used to be a problem for me because people who are really skilled at it know how to be just aggressive enough to let a sting be felt by their words, but passive enough that they could deny malicious intent if you call them on it and make you look like you’re the one overreacting. And if they’re really good at being passive-aggressive or you doubt your instincts in the slightest way, they can honestly make you wonder if you are imagining insults and being too sensitive. Or maybe you are overreacting.
I always hear other men complain about having to watch out for alpha males in social situations, but I think in our feminized society this is an outdated concern. You have more to worry about from a beta male sneakily chipping away at you in a social situation with subtle, cutting remarks calculated to make you look bad while looking somewhat innocent in nature. These people have spent a lifetime honing these bitch skills, and to compete with them on it when you are not used to being in that mindset is suicide, similar to being a weekend warrior who picks up a basketball once a month at the playground going up against an NBA player. People like this, the Mo Roccas and Stephen Colberts of the world, usually spend just about every waking moment looking for an opportunity to be sarcastic or snarky, and have also gotten the balance between passive and aggressive just right to the point they can always deny having done anything wrong.
There was a guy I knew that was filled with these subliminal cheap shots, backhanded compliments and stealth insults, and it drove me crazy for several reasons. First, that type of behavior is catty and not unlike a teenage girl. It’s true beta male behavior. Second, if you return in kind and start responding with your own sarcastic comments, backhanded compliments and stealth insults, you just end up with two people looking like bitches rather than one. Both of you lose, and neither of you impress anyone, or at least anyone worth impressing. It’s a race to the bottom. Third, if you let it slide, you get a gnawing feeling of being punked and having let a person get over on you. Fourth, if you call them on the carpet, you look like an overreacting brute in a society that penalizes a man for doing real man shit.
what works for me is just not focusing on what doesn’t help me.
if a guy is acting like a bitch, i ignore him.
If a guy says something that stings like you mentioned, i file it under “irrelevant” and move on. there is no point in dwelling on it.
if a girl tells me she has a boyfriend, I ignore this and continue until she either blows me out or we end up hooking up.(lots of times its not true anyways)
If an insecurity from my youth comes out in a social situation, i think of something I’m good at and think about that instead.
I’ve found there is literally no reason to think about that which brings us down. there is always a happier more helpful thought out there.
This is so true..and the really bad thing is its a self fullfilling problem. If we focus on the negatives our life becomes negative…I just hate putting that much bad energy into anything. I enjoy being happy and do my darnest to keep myself that way…
I went thru a really hideous divorce about 15 years go. Lots of really bad things going on. I thought I was about to lose it when I found out some of the things dh was involved with..So much so I went to see a therapist.. she told me one piece of advice that has been with me since then. she said cirlce your wagons and only let the people who help you and are supportive of you in that circle.. if your family or close friends dont fit that description… they dont get in your circle..Guess what.. it works…you just have to make the decision to do it and remind yourself when you arent to turn yourself around…and with time it becomes easier.. If there is someone like described above, I ignore, walk away, or start up another conversation with anyone else… good way to make a new friend…
