Hmm…maybe the roommate likes you, and is trying to divert your interest…be careful when using go-betweens, it can backfire on you, words can be changed, “he said, she said, bla, bla bla”, you’re always safer to keep your business to yourself, too many busybodies…when did this happen? You did say that she texted you back and would let you know if she wanted to go out. If she wanted you to leave her alone, wouldn’t she just have said no?
Her roommate just got off a fling with this guy b/c she was getting emotionally involved, the other guy didn’t like that.
While we were talking about it, I told her before I left “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Going to the roommate is not me.” haha
I’ve asked her to dinner before, got a raincheck b/c of Hillel. Tonight I wanted to chill, she didn’t text me back (it was pouring though, and at this small college, you walk to parties. Also, I know she was in the library pretty late).
Maybe my best move at this moment IS just to leave her alone, don’t text, don’t call, don’t visit her, and wait for her to initiate contact?
Yes, I think that might be a good idea, maybe for a week. If you see her around, just be your normal friendly self, don’t avoid her either. If you pull back a little, it will make her think about you more, and wonder a little.
So next Wednesday, ask her out for a Saturday, make it specific that you’d like to take her out, have a plan of course, not a plan of something you were going to do anyway, with or without her, but a specific date, maybe dinner.
I’m thinking keep it simple, don’t invite her for a whole evening thing yet, because at least a dinner gives her enough time with you, let her learn to feel more comfortable with you first, then you can make longer dates. Its also a good practice to leave them wanting more. Be a little old fashioned, maybe kiss her at the end of the date, but don’t push for more. It will make her feel that you respect her.
I know you said that you “almost” did it with her when she was drunk, and I have a feeling that later on, the next day, she had that “oh crap, what the hell was I doing last night” moment, which caused her to feel a little embarrassed, and pull back from you a little because of that (I know this because I’ve been there myself). She may think that you think she’s ready to go all the way now, but she’s really not. In this situation, drunk doesn’t count.
You need to start fresh with her, let her know that its okay to proceed at a pace that she is truly comfortable with. She needs to get to know you better as a person, and she also needs for you to know her better as a person before she can truly let you in. This is also why dinner is a better way to start. Drinking and partying may lead her back to a situation that she knows she’s not quite ready for. Besides, people don’t really get to know each other at clubs and parties.
That’s a really good idea but this weekend is parent’s weekend (her family is here all weekend), and next weekend is Fall Break (both go back home).
There still is a slight chance something might happen this weekend, but she’s the type that wants to be fully rested for her family, so I may have to wait 2 weeks actually.
I just hope she doesn’t lose interest, or think that I have.
EXACTLY - Inviting a girl out clubbing is not a date, you only do that with a girl who doesn’t really know you and you want to catch her eye (similarly with inviting a girl to a party with a bunch of friends) - Basically those activities are ways to get a girl to spend time around you so that you can get her interested.
Once she is interested they are mostly useless for escalating a relationship.
Invite her out to go-karting or dance lessons or a book reading (well the last is mostly for bookish girls/older women). Even roller-blading/frisbee in the park… Something where you can create positive shared intimate (i.e. only the two of you) experiences/memories. The only way to escalate a relationship with someone who is holding back is by creating positive shared memories.
Right now she only has a memory of physical intimacy (one positive from your first night and one negative from when she was drunk - the latter is negative because she obviously felt some pressure to have sex with you when she wasn’t ready) and some memories of emotional intimacy (your conversations)… she really needs some positive memories of shared activities to allow herself to escalate the relationship.
No way, this is a perfect “natural” break, with those things going on. And I’ll bet she’ll appreciate the fact that you respected her time with her family, and didn’t give her pressure or be “something she had to deal with”.
And if this is a really true thing that’s meant to be, two weeks (or even longer) should not matter.
If you want my opinion, parents weekend and fall break is going to tell you a lot.
First, I don’t think you really have an option, you need to give her space. This doesn’t mean ignore her alltogether (that is the straigt way to loosing interest), but definitely stop inviting her places, stop talking about your feelings, and stop trying to get her. Keep being friendly with her, even flirty, but always keep to your own schedule. Make plans with your friends these following days, they’ll keep you mind off her. Thing is, you need to make her feel that your feelings for her aren’t changing, but that you are living your life as well.
Also, I I don’t think you should feel like you need to stop hanging out with other girls, your not in a relationship and the possibility of it right now doesn’t look too good, man. This seems like it could turn into the typical, “we always have sexual tension, but nothing ever amounts to anything” kind of situation. I’ve been there, and as close as you always think you are, it always seems to stay in the exact same place…nowhere.
I’m not saying sleep around and give her and everyone else the wrong impressions, but nothing should stop you from enjoying the company of other girls. One of them might end up being the one you’re looking for. What I mean is, you don’t have to wine and dine and hook-up with every pretty girl that shows interest in you, but if you need someone to go to a concert with, grab-a-date comes up and a girl asks you to go with her, or you simply meet a girl at a party and click, don’t miss opportunities to get to know these girls. Some of them might end up being future girlfriends, some of them might turn into best friends, and others might turn out to be the kind you want to stay away from, but if I learned aything in college it’s that you should never pass up opportunities because of possibilities. College passes you by very quickly (believe me I know).
Hopefully she’ll come around and you can slowly get back into things, if not well there’s no place with more beautiful and smart girls than a college campus.
Last night, she went out. That’s fine.
She came back home crying with another guy. She stubbed her toe and there was a lot of blood.
I went after them 2, got some peroxide, cleaned it. While I was cleaning it, she was looking at the other guy, talking to the other guy, and holding the other guys hand to relieve the pain. I tried talking to her to no avail.
At one moment, I asked her if she had a fun night besides the toe stub. She said “Yeah” with a smile. The guy chuckled and said “yes you did.”
She held onto my arm a little bit, I was wiping away her tears.
She DID text me and thank me the next day, though. I responded “K.”
I hung out with the other girl after that.
I don’t know if I can ask her on a date anymore. I hate doing it, but I’m going to talk to her friend today (the one that’s been trying to hook me up with her. I need closure.) I need to know if these feelings are mutual, or if I’m wasting my time, cuz there are other girls that I can spend my time with. I’ve spoken to the girl I like once, I’m not going to bark up the same tree again.
I’ve been patient with her, given her space, and played this entire thing by the book, and it seems to me like she’s partying with other guys, but I’m not 100% positive. I even asked the other guy (I hate to say it, but he was really chill, and RELAX, I was drunk) if they did anything, lemme know cuz I would understand my situation with her, and I’ll know to cut it off. He said they did nothing (he actually took my number and wanted to party tonight. Throughout the whole situation, he told the girl to listen to me, I knew what I was talking about. REAL chill dude).
I was left in the room alone with her for a minute. I gave her an awkward hug goodnight (she was lying down in her bed), and stormed out of the room, kinda pissed off.
I really wanna re-respond to that text “u could make it up to me by hanging out tonight. Let’s pre-game in my room, find a party, then go dancing at 1 in the morning.” I’m going to wait though for this other girl to talk to me though.
The girl I hung out with last night, we watched a movie, we got a LIL intimate, and she wants to hangout tonight.
Thing is, I don’t like her. I like the other girl.
I called my boys from home, let them know the situation. Of course, one of them thinks I should just get with the other girl, the other one thinks I’m overanalyzing, and the other one thinks I should hold on to this girl.
OH the confusion of college and girls.
Hate bumping this, but I gotta.
I decided to talk to 2 girls that were in my dorm last yr about this girl.
The one illustrated my situation by telling me a story about how her and her bf came to be. She told me that she was dating a guy, and this other guy liked her. He was a very nice guy, and she kinda liked him. He stopped talking to her, she was questioning herself for a week, needless to say, she dumped the one guy and went for the other. Since, they’ve been dating for 3 yrs.
She told me that my best bet was to go to this dance with the other girl, play the jealous card (the girl saw me at the dance with the other girl), and not to talk to her or contact her for a week. If I see her, be nice, but not too edgy. Just like I’d act around any other girl.
I did that. I hooked up with the other girl (she’s a Resident Adviser. I’m now “the shit” in my dorm 
) too. The ENTIRE night, my mind wasn’t really in it though. I really like the other girl 
.
Just walking around the dorm, I saw the girl, and my friend (who hooked up with her before me) had his arm around her. They were sitting on the floor talking. I said “hey” to both of them, conversed a little, and wished them a goodnight.
Back in my room, I called my friend who is friends with the other guy (he assured me before that the guy wasn’t going to be a problem). I told him I wasn’t freaking out, but I was really caught off-guard by that (I understand this is Beta material. Normally, I wouldn’t act like this, but I honestly don’t remember the last time I actually liked a girl for more than just her looks. This is very new to me.) The girl called my friend with his arm around her a jerk and an asshole before and said I should beat him up, now his hand is around her.
My friend on the phone assured me they were “just friends.”
I’m going to continue this “not contact” her for a while. This weekend is fall break, she’ll be heading back to CT, I’ll be heading to my home.
Part of me still wants to ask her on that date, part of me doesn’t. Ideally, I’d ask her Wednesday and tell her I’ll set up reservations for the following Wednesday to give her something to look forward to over the break, and leave her with a bit to think about, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to break this ‘no contact’ thing (she does want her space, I’m giving it to her). Also, if I do that, I think it almost relinquishes the ‘jealous’ factor. She’ll still know she’s in control. (Of course, I can be completely wrong with all of this and over-analyzing).
BTW, talked briefly with her friend, and she said she wasn’t aware of anything.
A suggestion, have you considered starting a journal?
Actually, yeah haha.
NO idea how to go about it though.
LMAO, If I create such a device, I will give you a cut
I have done the drunk-texting and I think once I sent a 7 page text (didn’t realize until the AM). LOL I was labled as “Psychotic” for sending 7 pages of text at 4am. Needless to say, I lost her forever (she won’t even accept my apology).
Wait a second though…lol we are telling him to not text while drunk…lol are we promoting drinking to 19 year old? tsk tsk tsk
I agree with you there too Empath!!!
I just got done checking something by Vin DiCarlo called Pandora’s Box. It was a good read, and made me go back to certain people I dated to compare to what I read to their personalities…lol can’t say it was 100% accurate, but about 95%.
But non the less the things SillyKitty mentioned can work with 60% of women.