Just wanted to say hello and ask for help with an attraction issue with a coworker, which interested me in pheromones.
I own a bread route and in most stores I need to be checked in by a receiving associate or “scanning coordinator.” There is one girl in particular that checks me in that I have concluded has a crush on me after reading the IOI list. The only problem is she lives with a guy and has some sort of ring she wears though she’s not married. She’s also quite a bit younger than I.
I know. Run the other way! But it’s hard. I have to deal with this person face-to-face almost every day and the attraction is mutual. She doesn’t try to hide it at all and I just want to be “all business” but she won’t let me with her relentless flirting.
Should I have a talk with her about chilling out? I must admit this is tough for me because I’ve been single for a long time and am VERY attracted to this girl, but also know that this has debacle potential written all over it.
Thank you for your time and ANY help on this matter would be greatly appreciated.
That’s what I’ve already been doing. Cold, professional, distant. It’s almost like it encourages her even more. This is a full court press here fellas.
lol Funny thing is I used to have this really mean woman that checked me in before her. I never thought I would see the day when I would wish for her to come back.
That’s a real tricky situation you’re in. I applaud you for not encouraging her, and I’d suggest you amp up the “back off” vibe. To do this, you’d have to pay attention to any way that she goes above and beyond for you. Then the next time she does it, tell her to knock it off in a very factual, no-nonsense way.
For example, I knew a girl who worked at a coffee shop, and she had a big crush on a particular customer. He came in almost every day. Every now and then, she’d give him his coffee for free. Then it turned into a regular pattern, she would never charge him for his coffee. Then one day, she not only didn’t charge for his coffee, but she gave him the next size larger. He flat out said, “No. Take the money.” After that, she stopped.
You might feel mean when doing it, but it’s for her own good as well as yours. She hasn’t gotten the hint yet so far. Some youngsters take a little longer than others to learn that there are codes of conduct in life.
N2MU, Miss Dragon. It’s great to hear a female POV on this.
I think being the way I am, which is very direct and no BS, it would serve me better to just tell her what the deal is. But I must be honest and say that in the back of my mind I really want this girl, and want her to “drop the zero and get with the hero.” Rumor has it she’s been unhappy for a long time. But when you’re in a LTR and live with someone that doesn’t really happen overnight. She has to get her stuff together first and then maybe I would entertain it.
However, the fact that she’s pursuing me at all when she’s got a man at home makes me question her character. Or is she just “testing” me to see if I’m a good guy that doesn’t cheat? Do girls do that?
No, normal girls don’t usually function that way when they’re feeling out if a guy cheats. If she’s making efforts with you when she’s in a LTR, chances are good that she might be a cheater, herself. I’ve seen girls do that. If she is unhappy in her relationship and wants to move on, she needs to grow a pair and move out first.
She might be looking for some guy to take the heat so she has an excuse to leave the guy. So her ex would be mad at you instead of just mad at her. Don’t be the scapegoat.
I’m glad to hear that you are a no-nonsense kinda guy. That’s a wonderful thing.
So we finally had our showdown. All in all I think I accomplished what I set out to do, but it didn’t go smoothly and she got visibly angry several times. This is one little fireball this girl!
I get to the store and make like I need her to check something in the bread isle so we can have privacy. I got right down to it and told her the flirting had to stop and that it was too much. Immediately she went into denial mode and start sniffling and pouting like a 10-year-old. She said that the reason she was being so “nice” was because when she first started everyone told her how mean the last lady was and she didn’t want people disliking her too. I cut her off and said that what she was doing was way more than being “nice” and pointed out that most of my other receivers are women and they don’t act like that. I scolded her for flirting with a ring on and made it known in no uncertain terms that I don’t do that kind of thing. She said she wasn’t married and that the reason she wears the ring is because some creepo was harassing her at her old store. I found this somewhat believable because the ring looks really cheap. We did not discuss her live-in boyfriend.
I said all this doesn’t necessarily mean that I don’t like her but I have a business to run. She seemed to understand this.
I also informed her that I was 38 (I look 28) and I’ve been around a long time and I can tell when a girl is into in me, and that she has it “bad” for me. She said nothing.
Towards the end she was still in denial/pouty mode so I let loose. I rattled off the gazillion different things she was doing. She got particularly angry when I mentioned she was violating my personal space. She kept wanting to end the conversation but I wouldn’t let us check in until I got a verbal agreement from her that it would end. This is when I got about a foot away from her and asked very sternly, “are we going to have any more problems?” She yelled “NO!” and so we went to the front of the store.
I’ve spoken to over a dozen of my friends both male and female and they seem completely mystified by the situation. I’ve been dating girls since the 80s and I NEVER had a girl be this aggressive, much less a young girl.
I haven’t seen her since the talk we had, and I’ll keep everyone updated as things progress.
Wow! What an interesting time you had! I think it’s smart that you called her out. She needs to know that she’s not infallible, and everyone has to account for their actions. The pouty and shouting bit is pretty incredulous. Like this girl has skated by on her wiles instead of growing up.
The ring thing is totally viable, I know a few girls who do that. I’ve considered it, but then you scare off the good guys and only get hit on by creeps.
Exactly. It felt like I was talking to a little girl. Interestingly she never has asked much about my backround. She just sort of started bum rushing me after only dealing with me a few times. This makes me think she targeted me as a scapegoat. This girl is definitely not new at this. Her moves are too polished.