Dammit ScienceStudent, would you stop agreeing with me. You are making this very difficult 
HMMMM is that an ox and a moron? Just a question.
Ok so I have 2 qus for u guys,
- my work mate n I like each other but she has bf ans she flirts with me, also sometimes back we had some miss understanding and she was mad at me and wasnt completely ingnoring me it was on n off. After sometime I explain the reason and we both were good and next day I ask her out for a drink and she say she will let me know and she didn’t.
So now scene is I m confused and we both r ignoring each other and dunno what to do any help?
- yesteday I was wearing 1s Ammo on chest, 2s is on side of neck, and. Very lil a1 on wrist. So I was going home in train n there was one seat vacant near very cute girl and i took it and after few minute she was like playing with her hair continually and few times touch my leg.
So guys my Qus is in this situation what should I do as the journey is not so long?
Open up a conversation and see what happens
Should I approach or wait till she comes back?
Okay, listen up, I’m gonna tell you a lot more than I feel like I should. I hope it helps a few of you out there. I’m not talking to the guys interested in yet more one night stands, you guys can just skip this entire post. I’m sure you have enough success already.
For the rest of you, use any info you find on these boards with respect, please. A woman’s heart can be fragile, hence why some can be so protective of it.
Also take everything I say with a grain of salt. All women are different, and will react differently according to their own beliefs, values, and ideals. Depending on what they want out of life.
Just be real. Be genuine. Be happy and confident. Don’t do anything that you don’t feel comfortable doing. If you think something sounds sleazy, don’t do it, because a girl that you might be a perfect match for might agree with you, and think it’s sleazy also.
I’m another girl that couldn’t agree less on these points.
If some guy I liked winked at me, I would tense up and frown in distaste/disappointment. It would bring my attention back to the fact that guys are always hitting on me, and make me embarrassed. More so if I liked the guy doing the winking. If my crush had winked at me, my first response would have been to cringe and withdraw. It would have put the idea of interest in my head, yes - but the whole action is kinda sleazy. Don’t judge her interest in you based on her immediate reaction to the wink. A wink says “I like you, but I’m not confident enough to come up and tell you directly.”
The body check test. Seriously? I feel violated already. Okay maybe I’m overreacting. A little. If it’s done in less than a second, it’s kinda quick. But I would still withdraw. Withdraw does not mean lack of interest, it means you made her self-conscious. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, depending on her mindset, as long as you don’t think it is. Be aware, though, that doing this could suggest to her that you are a player, and only interested in that one nighter. You did just point out that you like her body, after all.
The eye contact test. I will look freely at the guys I like. I won’t stare, and will try to be discreet, but I will look his way lots. Until he notices me looking. Once he does, if our eyes meet, it scares me. I don’t even know why. I pull my chin to my chest and curl up. And then I am more careful, sometimes even avoiding even the chance at one more look. The more I like the guy, the more scared I am, and the more chance I may not ever look at him again. If she pulls in her chin (and maybe even raises her shoulders some) as though to protect her neck, like she is insecure, she is either embarrassed or scared. This could mean attraction, or just social anxiety. If she stays relaxed and looks away, or gives you a closed mouth smile before she does, that doesn’t sound interested. She could have just been lost in thought and her eyes ended up staring vacantly off in your general direction, and the closed mouth smile could be an apology.
Don’t use a lack of eye contact as a judging factor. There’s a lot more that ties into it.
The compliment test. The most attractive guy in the world could give me the most flattering compliment ever, and I would still look extremely uncomfortable. Maybe that’s just me, maybe I don’t take compliments well. Maybe it’s because I’ve heard it all before, and I know that when a guy compliments me, he is just trying to get into my pants. It’s just a matter of convincing her that you meant it, so that it doesn’t come off shallow. It really needs to be genuine - and if it is, great, but be careful. If some guy told me he liked my eyes, I couldn’t look at him again until I removed the compliment from my head. It might take a minute, unless you can help (I’ll get to that in a minute). Safer to compliment their personality, or something the players probably haven’t noticed. Something a little deeper, maybe like, the way she does something… the way she thinks… her attitude. Maybe the way she avoided that subject you tried to broach. If you don’t know her, this can be hard, granted, but if you do know her, tell her she is beautiful. On the inside. And then watch her glow.
Now back to the eyes compliment. If you see her get uncomfortable because of your compliment, call her on it. Ask her why, tell her it was genuine. I know you hear apologizing can be bad, and a sign of weakness, but sometimes that can be a good thing, especially if you think she is shy - but only if you follow it by a justification. “I’m sorry, was that offensive? I meant it, though. (Then reinforce / restate the compliment) Your eyes really are stunning.” That way, you’re apologizing only if you made her uncomfortable, not for saying what you said. And, congratulations. You’ve just gained points for confidence, assertiveness, leadership and empathy.
You were confident that there was nothing wrong with what you said, you asserted yourself in saying so, leadership because you led her mind away from an uncomfortable place, and empathy because you care that you might have made her uncomfortable. You also showed her that you can make her feel good. That’s pretty powerful right there - that you can cheer her up. Girls want to feel good. They want you to help them feel good.
You’ve made her feel better, and in so doing, met with her on her level and gained some trust. See? Easy.
(With that said, if you make them feel bad first on purpose, they will know it, and remove points accordingly - probably a lot more points than you would gain with the recovery.)
BTW, if a girl doesn’t like you, after you have done any of these “tests”, she will generally frown, or give you a dirty look, or a look like, ‘wtf?’ I would hope you can tell a good uncomfortable from a bad uncomfortable. Think about the most disgusting thing you can, right now. How does your face move? Your top lip curls up, right? Okay, maybe I should try a different approach. You’re guys. I’m sure you’ve tried to disgust, or ‘gross out’ a girl at some point, just to see her reaction. Her top lip curls up in distaste, and a frown crosses her forehead. Watch her expression more carefully the next time you do it. If she makes that face at you, even slightly, she’s not interested.
~
You can act on it. By act on it, i don’t mean seduce them, or try to steal them away. That would be immoral, and the girls themselves might even frown upon that move.
If you like them, tell them. “You are both insanely hot. If anything changes between you and your boyfriends, look me up.”
Yes, it will change the way they look at you. If they saw you as a friend, they sure would see you as possibly more than that after you tell them that. It may also stop them from talking to you until they decide what they want. But, you need to choose what you want. Them as friends, or the chance at more. They could be simply trying their hand at having a male friend. I wouldn’t know.
I had a boyfriend in school. I also had a huge dilemma - a major crush. It just didn’t occur to me to leave my boyfriend - I didn’t want to be alone and I didn’t think my crush even liked me. My boyfriend was a safe choice, in that I could always tell him no, no matter what, and having him there meant I could concentrate on my studies - it fended off other guys. But for some reason I was majorly attracted to my crush, to the point where I couldn’t even talk to him. I was totally helpless in his presence - this terrified me, so I avoided him like the plague. I wouldn’t even look at him - even when I had good reason to, when the rest of the class was. I was scared of getting pregnant because I couldn’t have told him no, but there was a lot more to it than that. I am shy, and he made me - not shy anymore. He was the first person to see my heart in years. It was powerful, and had never happened before.
If he had shown any interest at all - if I had even suspected that he might like me, I would have dumped my boyfriend in a second. If a girl is willing to dump her boyfriend for you, then the boyfriend didn’t mean much to her anyway. FYI, I ended up dumping my boyfriend a few months after school ended anyway, I just had nowhere else to turn.
As it turns out, I am happy I didn’t hook up with him, because of how my life turned out, I love my man.
But the choice was there at the time, and it was his to make if he could have read my cues. I physically could not have chased him, when he posed such a threat to my own self, but if he had made first move, I would have been helpless to stop him, even to the point of doing everything in my power to encourage him and partake in my own demise. (Yes, I am skirting around saying I would have ravished him.) After losing the boyfriend, of course. 
~
Fidgeting alone might not be an IOI. Fidgeting could also be an IOB - an indicator of boredom.
~
What you guys seem to fail to understand, is that we humans are animals. In the mating game, you men are the predators, women are the prey. As prey, we get tons of predators launching their attacks on us every day. So we learn to fight back, somehow. We learn to fend them off, kick them off our ankles.
We women (or, fish) swim through shark infested waters whenever we walk outside. We become accustomed to many attacks on our virtue every time we do so. It is women’s nature to try and protect ourselves. We need to fend off the smaller sharks, and steer clear of the bigger sharks. Unless we are more daring by nature, in which case we chase down the bigger sharks. There are all kinds of fish in the sea, from shy to wild - but we are still the prey.
You need to be the bigger predator, in some way, to make yourself stand out. Be nice about it, show respect, and you will earn respect.
As strong as we are, we have a weakness to those we find attractive. Weakness is insecurity. If a girl is unusually insecure around you, scared of you, seems confused around you, or flat avoids you, then ask yourself why. If it continues, or if you can’t come up with an answer, then ask her why. It’s only talk. If she has no reason to be afraid of you, but she acts like she is, then chances are she isn’t - she is probably scared of her own reaction to you, because it is so different from her own ‘normal’ strong mindset. If her reaction to you is strong enough, she may not be able to reply. Men can fry women’s brains just as women can fry men’s. Except that as prey, women are more likely to run. (Or fight back, depending on what their ‘front’ is.) Some women (the forward, or confident ones) handle fear better than others (the shy ones).
In my opinion, all girls, no matter how strong and confident and forward they may be on the outside (their ‘front’), they are much softer and more vulnerable on the inside, and need your strength to help support them. Maybe that is why we go after the ‘stronger’ guys. (When I say ‘strength’ it doesn’t have to be physical strength, it can be emotional as well.)
Be confident. We know it takes guts to come up and talk to us. That is part of the test, man or mouse. If you go into an encounter with a woman trying to analyse all of this stuff on the fly, you’re going to appear distracted. You don’t want that, it takes away from your aura of confidence.
Simple answer - don’t. Focus instead on her. Care. Be confident in yourself, be proud of yourself, but not to the point of arrogance. Be friendly, and happy. Smile lots, because you’re having a good time. You are, aren’t you, when you’re talking to her?
In the end, it takes guts to get the girl. Women want men, not mice. If you want the girl, you’ve got to earn her. If you want to find out if someone likes you, the only way to do that is by talking to them. If in doubt, converse. Women are let down and disappointed so often by men who don’t have the courage to start a conversation, or even approach them.
You can’t win the race if you don’t enter. If you don’t talk to the girl, you will likely never have a chance to be with her. A man has to believe in himself before he can expect a girl to believe in him. He has to lead his own mind before he can lead anyone else. Know yourself, know your own mind, know what you want and what you expect, (and if it is honorable!) then chase it with all your heart.
(Now, do I really want to post this? ;D hah.) Hope it helps. There’s a lot here. Maybe I should write a book.
“Smiling with the lower row of teeth only”
Trust me if I tried to smile like this I would be sectioned and in need of dental rescue asap.
All the other cues n clues Jasmine eludes to on the initial post is bang on through. Please do not assume that because we are playing with our hair or look you in the eye it is because we find you attractive.
For me I do look more than once, and there is a post on here somewhere showing a woman checking out a guy with a secret camera. For me its all about the biceps and teeth and maybe a sneaky crotch glance if I think you’re not looking 
Apologizing is never bad! That is, if you actually did something that warrants apologizing. Don’t apologize more than once for each offense. Make sure it’s sincere if you transgressed somehow, but not obsequious. Don’t apologize for things you can’t have known–you can say, sincerely, but somewhat casually, as if it’s easy for you, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know” like “I’m sorry that upset you, but I didn’t know appletinis reminded you of your recently deceased sister.” This does NOT mean you’re apologizing for offering her the drink, but that you are aware of your effect on people, and sensitive to their moods/feelings. Usually it’s best to quickly follow this with a change in topic to something light and funny, as if it wasn’t that big of a deal (as it wasn’t).
YIKES! Don’t say THAT–you can have the same effect as the wink and body tests, i.e., repulsion. Plus, you look shallow!
Then she’d likely be willing to dump you for the next guy who tickles her fancy.
EGADS! This attitude is half of the problem. If you are both interested, you should be chasing each other equally, taking turns, and being silly–it’s not really a game where there’s winners and losers, it’s supposed to be playful where you bothhave fun and both feel like you won (each other).
This is true of ALL people! Don’t try to “be strong” all the time, and don’t insist she always be helpless/weak all the time, either; show her you are human, that you need her support, too. This is supposed to be a team effort–you two against the world, together.
It’s honestly not a “test,” a “race,” or a matter of “earning” me.
Personally, I assume people who talk to me do so just because they enjoy the pleasant conversation. If you don’t speak up and signal your interest, I will never guess. It does take courage for anyone to talk to anyone, but if you do talk to me, I will just assume you’re that confident, that it wasn’t that difficult for you (because you were able to do it, see?)
If you want to “earn” or “impress” me (for lack of a better phrase), be confident in yourself, but not egotistical, and BE yourself. Try to have fun together. Dating or wooing is showing me the life you want to have together, and there will be severe disappointment (and unhappy endings) if you change your methods once you think you’ve “won.” Be a true friend to her, while showing her you are interested. This means if she’s sick, you don’t mind giving away your concert tickets and making soup for her and watching a video together, while cuddling on the couch. (If she’s virulently contagious, you can still drop off deli soup and a DVD, with an extra box of tissues or cough drops, etc., then go to the concert with a male friend, or sell the extra ticket.) I, personally, would insist someone not spend time with me if I’m horribly contagious.
Being a ‘man’ does not mean always being confident, or always ‘knowing what to do’. Being an adult means knowing we rely on each other for help sometimes, and we must ask others for help and support sometimes.
I agree, absolutely.
I only meant that too much apologizing can be weak. I read it somewhere today is all - someone said something about apologies. I totally agree that if you did something that warrants it, then you absolutely need to, and only once. Nothing wrong with that at all.
It depends on the girls. Personally, I am more straight-forward. I would have appreciated the honesty. It’s not like telling them they are ‘insanely hot’ is crude or anything. But my point was more that he simply suggests to them that they have interest elsewhere, if they ever want it, and give THEM the option.
This, I am insulted by.
I’ve been married for more than 12 years, to the second guy I’ve ever been with. I don’t just switch boyfriends on a whim. I would only have left my previous bf in the situation I was in at that time. The relationship was flat, and I hadn’t realized it at that point. Like I said, it took me a few more months to figure that out without anyone else’s help, but it was headed that way anyway.
You can’t insult everyone who dumps their very first boyfriend when they find out he really wasn’t what she was looking for anyway.
**
(Addendum, now that I’m awake: I was looking for a good relationship from a guy. That’s why I hesitated - I was afraid that he would only be after a fling. When a girl is that easy for a guy, it devalues her, and I was so easy for him (only ever him) that he may not have stuck with me, if he thought I was like that with everyone.
Yes, I lusted after him, but there was a lot more to it, as I said. I saw something beautiful in his eyes when I looked at him, he stole my breath quite unexpectedly the first time. There wasn’t another time. I was too afraid of the overwhelming emotion I felt to allow it from my end. That’s not something that ever happens. It was confusing, and I felt shame because I had a boyfriend, and still couldn’t control it. But you can’t control your heart. I would have realized this had he tried to talk to me.
I still feel that he was only after a fling. The only way he could have proven me wrong was to start a conversation and get things rolling, which he didn’t do, even though now, looking back, I realize from some of the things he did say, that he might have liked me. He seemed upset when I didn’t go to his party (because I had to avoid him). If he had started a conversation with me, he’d have found out pretty quickly what my problem was.
Hence why I say to these guys: if you like a girl, talk to her. Don’t let her slip away just because she has a boyfriend. Don’t try to steal her or make her cheat - but it can’t hurt to talk.
If you ask her a question, and she shoots you back a very short reply that you both know isn’t true, and looks more like it is borne out of panic, then it probably is. Panic is not an answer, don’t accept it. Trying to talk to her again is not unreasonable. Panic is fear, and fear without cause is a strong sign of attraction, especially from a shy girl.)
**
Yes, both chase each other. I was simply referring to the initial meeting, since the thread is asking about IOI, and the guys coming here seem to be interested in when and how to make that first approach. Not all games have winners and losers. The word “game” only implies fun interaction between people.
If the guy is looking to make that first approach, then he is acting as the predator. If this was a woman’s forum, and the woman wanted to make the first approach, the advice would be similar - they would be acting as predator. Every woman is different, and likes to go about things differently.
Of course guys are softer on the inside as well. Women like to see that part too. I only mentioned this here because of an impression I got from some of the posts I read. I forget what that was exactly now, I’ve slept since then. And I’m too tired at the moment to go back through and figure it out.
Again, I was only referring to the initial meeting, making that first impression that counts. And I did say to relax in there somewhere, didn’t I? If not, then I should have. It is, after all, a game…
Also, maybe I am more self-assured than most women, in that I already know that he is human, and needs my support, so I didn’t expect to have to mention that he should show that somehow… that other women wouldn’t just ‘know’ that. I am only one person, and not perfect, so of course I missed some things. Thank you for pointing that out.
I just think that it’s throwing too much into the whole thought process. The softer side might be what some women want to see in their first date, but that will likely come through naturally at some point if they are being genuine anyway.
Does this mean that if he did nothing to impress you, didn’t go out of his way at all to end up with you as his other half, then you would be good with that?
Of course not. This was what I meant. I was just trying to express myself in a way that might be understood better.
All good relationships take work. If they consider the initial introductory conversation as their work, and the relationship as their reward, then they have earned their reward by doing the work. Life doesn’t hand you everything on a platter. The most worthwhile things are the things you have to earn. If we are handed stuff freely, then we don’t appreciate it as much. (Yes, the girls have to work at it also. Not implying here that it’s a one sided deal, only mentioning the male half because of where we are.)
Exactly. I thought I had said that.
Nice additions. Agreed totally. This all falls under be yourself, be genuine. Don’t “fake it till you make it” because you’ll surely fail once you change back to yourself. (Which is bound to happen.)
Sorry if I offended you somehow ScienceStudent, it sounds as though everything I have said, you have a major problem with. I was just trying to state some opinions, from a shier girls perspective. Not trying to be the ‘be all end all’ of the entire subject. I was just throwing some ideas around that I didn’t see out there.
Wow, I wasn’t directing this at you, at all, just towards the generic male audience.
Straight-forward is awesome; I just meant, don’t say “you’re insanely hot” – it sounds like “Ur Hawt, I wanna GIT wit U” to those of us who’ve only had crude creeps hit on us.
(emphasis added)
I definitely wasn’t saying you, or any other lady, would leave a new guy for an even newer one, just that anyone should let the recently broken up have some time/space alone to sort themselves out a bit. It’s good advice for all newly broken up. Get over the last one, get back to being yourself, before even trying to meet new dates, never mind ‘dating’.
I agree, talk, but don’t even think of doing anything more than admitting you like her once in very short and simple language. More than that, and I’d lose respect for a guy, and might even stop being friends. It’s just unethical.
Unfortunately on here, to many guys, ‘game’ is read as The Game, and it definitely has goals and winners and is missing standard human respect for the most part.
The concept of ‘predator’ creeps me out beyond all others, and if I sense that I will ignore a guy, and spread the word, too. I’m trying to impress on guys that an internalized mentality expresses itself outwardly beyond most individuals ability to detect it in themselves.
I just want a guy to be mostly himself most of the time, and if he puts up an initial machismo façade, I will dismiss him faster than end-of-schoolyear in plaguetime. So, he should be generally kind and considerate to his date, the waitstaff, strangers, etc., treating them as equals, but not dividing his attention equally.
Oh, it sounded as many of your points reinforced the typical ‘play games’ as ‘predator/prey’ mentality, and I’m trying to get everyone to stop playing games. For instance, don’t say you’re ‘busy’ to toy with someone, just fill your life, and be busy. Don’t apologize obsequiously, but do accept responsibility for your actions, intentional or not. Etc.
I’m the ultimate of shy gals–I’ve never asked for a number, given mine unasked, approached a guy, or even noticed a guy’s approach. I’ve almost never flirted with a stranger. I just assume they’re not interested, and I miss even DefCon 4 subtleties. In fact I’ve said, the only ‘sign’ I’ll notice is if you hit me with a billboard! 
I, too, was tired, and wrote my response to the general (male) audience, but apparently didn’t make that clear, for which I apologize.
You’re probably right. It might be a better idea if he wants one, to choose one, also, rather than trying for both. If he’s genuinely interested, of course.
That was kinda my point - I had gotten over him, that’s why it was flat. There was really no big rush of feelings for me with him, ever, he was just a novelty, never done it before, so, I thought, why not. So there was really nothing to get over. I was young.
But I can see where you’re coming from with the rebound thing. It would probably apply in most cases.
Yes, once. Good catch.
That’s disappointing.
You mean like, “Make her all excited that you are headed over to her, and then don’t stop when you reach her. Instead, walk three steps past her before you stop, and then turn back and talk to her, but make it look like an afterthought” kind of games?
That is pretty pathetic, imo. If a guy did that to me, I wouldn’t give him the time of day. If I noticed any kind of “game” like that, same cold dead response. If he doesn’t want to please me, he can spend his night pleasing himself, no matter how attractive he was. I would probably be very disappointed if he was attractive, but - /shrug. His loss. I know how good I am. If he had been genuine and honest, respectful and nice to me, then he would have known too…
Saying you’re too busy when you’re not is just lying. I would just find someone who isn’t too busy. Apologizing obsequiously is a turn off. Why do guys do that to play a game? Goes into the same category as guys who try to make you feel sorry for them I suppose, but that is such a turn off for me I can’t even watch it being done on tv, let alone reality. It’s repulsive.
Almost never flirted?? Then you’re not as shy as me. What does flirt mean? lol. I guess not noticing signs and hints is a shy thing, coz I’m right there with ya on that too. If you want me to know something, you’ve really gotta spell it out for me.
But like it or not, those bad “Game” players are out there, which makes women more “The Prey” than they would be otherwise, making it harder for the guys who want a real date. (More than just a one-nighter.)
Yes disappointing but true. Read the threads. There are a stack of guys here who think its a game to bed women. Any guy who thinks of me as prey would be in for a nasty shock! Karma my friends. Treat other people as I wish to be treated and act with dignity & honour.
I’m lovin’ this back and forth!!! THIS is what Guys ALSO need to know about Indicators of Interest and Respect for women…
Continue on… I’m just voicing my support!
I’ve been there–my last ex, I realized I was over him before the actual end (there was a long history of “impending-nuclear” drama threatened to be invoked, and I just got tired of it). However, I was also damned happy to just be on my own for a while. After 8 months, I only started to force myself to start dating as I never before had dated, and it didn’t look like any connections would be made through my small, male-dominated field. If I had just started dating immediately, I’d never have realized how much financial stability and peace were more important than a relationship. (Somehow I was actually saving money after the split, despite keeping the two-bedroom apartment by myself.)
I never realized apologies were sometimes part of a game. I was thinking more of my nerdy guys, who aren’t used to dating so much, who are truly ‘nice’, and yet maybe lacking the confidence that should go with it. Some of them apologize repeatedly for the tiniest things that are literally not their responsibility. I mean, come on, add a little hygiene to your routine, and be proud to be nice, and you’d have all the emotionally mature women! 
Almost never flirted. Only started to (again) force myself to actively flirt in this last ~18 months as part of my own self-edification. Actively flirt, as in ‘with that intention’ as opposed to my former ‘enjoyment of witty repartee with no expectation/understanding of actual interest from the guy’. Even now, it’s a rarity. I can occasionally strike up conversations with strangers based on some silly, innocent point, as I’ve naturally done that my whole life, but I can’t take it any further. 
I would take it as far as to say that any ‘game’ players are looking for anything casual of any duration. That is to say, something they expect/hope to end. (Not to be confused with unusual circumstances when it is known a relationship will end when one party must move away for a job, for instance, as long as all parties are fully aware of this.)
Yeah. Sorry for the misunderstanding, I guess those words are really charged up here. Prey isn’t always vulnerable to the attacks of the predator, they often have a lot of worthwhile defenses of their own.
Women looking for an honest relationship generally aren’t the vulnerable kind of prey that they think we are. We are strong, each in our own ways, and I believe smarter than some of the guys here would give us credit for.
Financial stability and peace are important, but you can have both of those AND a relationship, if you find the right guy. You need those things in your life to be able to relax, and the right guy can help contribute to that.
Maybe not all, but I see your point.
I haven’t ever flirted, I wouldn’t know how. And I can’t strike up those random conversations either. If I had to walk up to a guy I liked I probably couldn’t say any more than “Hi.” He could get me talking, if he was nice, but I couldn’t do it myself until I get to know them.
Yes, I’m happy I’m married. Haha!
I would think that there are plenty of female “Game” players around to keep those guys occupied. Personally, and sadly, I think more women play more games than men do. I hate games of any sort though.
After reading through all of our posts, I think it’s pretty straight forward. Basically, to sum it all up, I think a woman’s attraction to a guy comes across as fear. First, I’ll explain why, and then I’ll go into indicators.
When any human is strong, male or female, we feel strong. We have nothing to fear, or to be afraid of. Facing every day life is normal, and that is when we are at our strongest. That is ‘normal’.
When something happens to throw us off our game, to interfere with our own strong mindsets, it is confusing, sometimes scary, depending on how badly we need to be strong at that point in time. For instance, when a person of the opposite sex approaches us, we feel that we need to be at our strongest to put our best foot forward, and not be taken advantage of.
People approach us all the time, we are used to it, our emotions stay dormant, we deal with the request and they walk away. No problem. Normal.
When someone walks up to us and our emotions unexpectedly kick in, we are thrown. It is not ‘normal’ for that to happen. Our strong front is shaken somewhat, causing confusion which makes us weaker than usual. When we feel weak inside, it tends to show through our actions, expressions, and how we react to things. This weakness, right at the moment when we need to be strong, creates nervousness, or - fear.
Not necessarily a fear of the person who approached, but more of your own reaction, because it’s so different than your norm. Then different fears come into it, regarding what the other person might think, how they might react if they see you weak - basically how bad you believe it to be that this person sees you weak.
How bad that might be depends on the person’s values in life. Like: if they want a family, or not. If they are ready to settle down, or not. This is where it differs somewhat for men and women. Men can do whatever, and then walk away. Women don’t have that luxury all of the time. The timing has to be right. They need to have adequate contraception in place, or be presentable, for example, to make the best impressions. Then there is also their virtue to think about, and whether the guy is a “Game”-playing predator, or a legitimate love interest.
When our heart reacts, we are afraid to let it go. When our body wants one thing and our mind knows it’s a bad idea. Internal clashes = external fear. (But no still means no!) When she feels overwhelmed by her own emotion, but doesn’t know how to properly or safely express it.
There are probably a lot more things to be afraid of than just what I’ve listed here.
How much ‘fear’ we show depends on the nature of the person, and how afraid they really are. Some people can’t control it, and it becomes obvious to everyone. Others get it back under control quick, and don’t outwardly give much to betray them, unless they want you to know.
So what you’re actually looking for, as IOI, are Indicators of Fear. Think about everything you might do, or have seen people do, when absolutely terrified. When you want the ground to swallow you up. For girls, that part’s easy. Since I am one.
I say when you’re terrified, because I’m just making a point. The lesser the fear, or the more she controls it, the less these signs will come into play. If she wants you and she wants YOU to know it, then her fear should take a back seat to her desire, in which case the IOI would be staring at you, to tell you so, and probably at least some of the following tells when you’re around, too, since the fear reaction can be a lot like the excited reaction.
Like, when a girl looks down (protecting her neck). Stiffening, shaking, twitching, goosebumps, breathing awkwardly/quickly, chest inflation with little to no deflation (breathing with the diaphragm rather than with their lungs). Even nostril flaring. My lips dry out too, probably from all the air circulation from my increased breathing. Eyes a little wider than usual, as though more alert. Fight or flight type responses. Maybe more jumpy, like, if you brush against her arm, she’ll either jump or retreat. These are all things that she can’t properly control, and may not even realize she is doing.
Things like eye contact are so obvious that it’s overrated. If she wants you, and she wants you to know it too, sure, she will probably stare. Everyone knows - including her - that the eyes are used for communication, and if you catch her looking at you consistently, you can bet she is trying to tell you something. Therefore, deliberate and total avoidance means the same thing. (Unless she just legitimately hasn’t ever seen you.) It means she has something to hide, and wants, or even needs you to find out what. (If you’re interested in her enough to care.)
To convince a girl that you are after a genuine relationship, you need to BE after a genuine relationship. You need to do what you feel is acceptable. It’s difficult to explain all the intricacies of this because there will surely be something I will miss, or will be misconstrued. It needs to come from your heart. Honest and honorable.
Chasing sex is something a player would do. The longer she makes you wait, the more she is testing you, to see if you’ll leave her because of the lack of it. If you like her, just relax, it will come. And then so will you, and hopefully she. (But not necessarily in that order.)
Nice guys finish last. (Because they make sure their girl cums first.)
Hopefully, I’ve been able to phrase this post a little better than my first. If not, then I will give up. lol. It’s too complicated to explain.
What do you think, ScienceStudent? Anyone else?
Much better. =) I’m just working to remind guys that eventually they mostly will want an honest relationship, and if they act any differently, their attitude will show through, and ruin their own chances.
I know I can have both, but I didn’t know that before. Now I know it’s more important to have stability than a guy, and if I meet a guy who has the same priorities…
Funny thing is, the façade of bravado is an indicator of fear (insecurity) as well. If ladies knew this, guys who act like that would never stand a chance. 
I value these discussions on here–I learn so much more about myself and develop my own confidence. I never intend any animosity, and I’m sorry if anyone takes it that way. I’m truly just in ‘discussion mode’ and have no feelings of aggression or defensiveness, but I realize that may not show in text. I only hope I can help others come to similar understandings, and respect for selves and others starts to spread faster than STIs.
Wow, I know my life went pearshaped right about this time, but I don’t remember winning the TOTW/F/M, and I want to thank everyone, since I don’t remember if I did already!
Deservedly so, for that TOTW! I enjoy your level headed, direct input on relationships as well as the mones.
Keep up the good work. Keep on fighting the good fight with all thy might.
Thank you! I’m afraid I have to give it up as the Neroli does not mix well with my migraines. 
EDIT: accidental double post.
Thank you! I’m afraid I have to sell them all as the Neroli does not mix well with my migraines.