See, this is again where there is this HUGE divide between the way people in different countries around the world do things as regards dating and mating.
Perhaps it is because Scots people as a rule are gregarious and very friendly, but the disinterested people in bars and clubs over here are few and far between.
I’ve read exactly what you have described as being a typical scenario on a good few “advice” sites for relationships 101, but again, they have all been based in the US.
I think it seems that you have to put in an awful lot of effort Across The Pond just to gain someone’s interest in the first place, and I really feel that’s a terrible state of affairs.
I hope you do get a chance to travel to Scotland at some point, as you will see that what I am telling you is not just my experience, it’s the way things ARE over here.
Just walking into a club here, you would see what I mean.
I have a friend who was pursued relentlessly by a pretty ordinary guy over here for about 18 months, and she really wasn’t interested in anyone, when he started on his “mission,” but eventually he wore her down, and she decided to go out on a date with him. Guess what? She had the greatest time she had had for years. They’ve been together two years now, and she’s expecting in the Autumn, and had she never given him a chance, she would never have known how happy she could be.
Sometimes, hanging in there, IS the way to go, and there’s none of this, “You’ve struck out from day one” attitude. It simply doesn’t exist. I think perhaps there is too much analysis of what works and does not work, in the US, and certain people in London and other big English cities have this problem too, but it gets a lot of people nowhere very fast.
There appears to be an awful lot of play-acting and role-playing in some other countries in the relatonship ritual, but trust me, if you can just be yourself and never attempt to come across as something you are not, it gets you so much further. Never feel someone is unattainable to you. Always have the mindset that you are every bit as worthwhile a prospect as the next girl or guy.
Again like I said, “The Man” laughed his head off at some of these “rules” in online dating e-books, on how to act in a way they suggest will garner success, as to use these “techniques” over here, would actually probably result in the opposite of what you set out to achieve.
Everybody obviously works in different ways, but I think that being as open and forthcoming as we Scots are, it definitely helps.
We don’t role-play, we don’t try to impress, we just ARE.
Popular people here in the club scene are not those who are followed about endlessly by men or women, they are those who are open, friendly and will chat to anyone, regardless of looks or status.
You can meet a great-looking guy or girl and know within 5 minutes that it’s never going anywhere, because while the packaging may look nice, what’s inside has about as much depth as a saucer, and you can meet a very average-looking person, who turns out within seconds to be the salt of the earth, highly-intelligent and great to be with.
I read somewhere recently that in the US both genders focus greatly on looks on initial contact with someone new, and I’m trying to find statistics for that in other countries, because again, it’s not always the case here at all.
If someone you are talking to isn’t that great-looking, but has a fun, vibrant outlook, and makes you laugh, then don’t preclude them as a possible partner, because if you do, you might just be missing out on the person who is just right for you.
On the other hand, if you meet a superb-looking person, who also has a great personality, never feel that trying to get further is a bad move, because they are “Out of your league,” - that’s nonsense.
As you said, confidence shines out of people, and I know a good few people who are much larger than many people would find acceptable, but they are extremely successful in dating very good-looking people and why is that? It’s because confidence radiates out of them in abundance. They put themselves out there, and say with their very being, “This is me, and this is how I am. Don’t rule me out just because of my size!”
Some of the women I know who are large, and set their sights on someone that perhaps you would feel they have no chance with actually DO get nowhere at first, but knock-backs are something that don’t stop them, and often, once they find a way to get across the brilliant personality they have, and how much common ground they share with the person they are interested in, things change. I’ve even seen it go the opposite way, to where the pursuee, becomes the persuer.
I would have said this is an age thing, but then, you’re not much younger than me, so it really does seem to be that different cultures behave differently in the mating game. No one culture is right or wrong in what they do, it’s just fascinatng to see how MUCH it varies.
To that end, if it works for you, fair enough, but as I said, all these mind-games and play-acting and not letting yourself shine through, seem like so much hard work to me.
Be yourself - always. Don’t over-analyse, don’t try to do what works, just be yourself - and NEVER say never.
Ail 
