Incredible non response

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Journals
1

Hey people.

Hope all is well with you and you’re enjoying life. Do you think it is ever appropriate to chase a girl?

I always felt that if a girl showed u some lack in interest for whatever reason, there was no point in chasing her further, you might probably aggravate your relationship and set yourself up for embarrassment and frustration.

I ask this because i recently went on a date with a women who i believe is a good candidate for a long term relationship but seems not to display the keenness that would encourage me to continue courtship.

Her names is kat for short and she is a postgraduate anthropology student in her mid twenties. She doesn’t drink much and loathes the clubbing scene, preferring instead to spend her time tucked right into a good book or painting.

Now, after some research with my spies. I learnt that she did have a boyfriend who seems to have disappeared like magic out of existence in her life.

BTW - we live in the same block of student accommodation. So, seeing as she had previously been very friendly with me (would go out of her way to initiate conversation with me, when i’m in the kitchen minding my cooking)

i decided to add her on FB as a hands of way to get in touch, invite her to something and get to know her. She added me then removed me a few days later. Which i typically reserve for people with whom i don’t want to associate.

so, after a few days she came into the kitchen again to say hello and i asked her about it, i thought maybe she didn’t know my name (i couldn’t remember hers) as i do not keep pictures on FB, to which she replied that she accidentally removed it etc.. bullshits.

anyway, she subsequently added me and i accepted her request. So, i thought well. invite her to something and follow it with an fb personal email invitation, keeping it open and friendly, with carefully selected language to suggest an outreach for closer friendship and nothing more.

she didn’t reply. Ok. so a few days later on my birthday she sent me a message to congratulate me and i replied, saying that i was doing something with friends and she was MOST welcome to join us.

No reply.

ok. Well i have a 2 strike policy on facebook so i ejected her from my friends list. I mean i just feel it’s damn rude to ignore peoples correspondence; if you don’t want to go to a gig or event, simply say so.

Despite all this, I still decided to give it a final crack, when we bumped into each other again I asked her if she was single. She said “boyfriend in australia, hasn’t been around for some time, not sure how things are going”

she was flirting, pushing her hair back, fingering, twirling it and giving off some IOI’s.

ok, so i thought. looks like that’s fizzling out - i asked her if she was free and she said yes and i invited her to dinner she said cool.

we went for dinner and chatted for a while. then back to our shared flat where i made some dessert. Now, i could have suggested we go eat it in her place or mine, i think that would have been perfectly ok by her but i thought maybe it would better to have it in the shared kitchen instead, so not to put pressure on her and make her feel comfortable.

so we carried on talking, altogether from 5pm to 1am. So we got on well. I found out that she’s quite shy in group settings but likes 1-2-1 chats. anyway, the night set in and some male mutual friend (my spy) game into the kitchen and a group conversation ensued - mostly about anthropology - My jaws were starting to ache so i took this time to relax and not talk so much.

after a few moments she said “i’m tired, want to go to bed”

cool. now i took the serving plate and was walking out of the kitchen(to my kitchen downstairs), but then i decided to wait for her as she was washing the other plates and also talking to mutual friend.

I kind of had already walked out then stopped and turned back in sight of her, thinking that i would escort her to her room and wish her goodnight.

at this moment she looked at me and say “Ok, See you about!”

erghh…right.

I went to my place, she continued to talk with mutual friend for some 15 minutes then went to bed.

so. despite our long chats IOI’S and getting on well, Tuth x2 to the neck with sufficient time and proximity to take good effect. I rather felt coldly extinguished like a spent matchstick.

And i have the view that this was intentional, not a social error. Please tell me your thoughts

2

I’m not really surprised!

Apart from her maybe being taken and pretty clearly blowing hot and cold about even socialising with you, you then hit her with a fairly hefty dose of a very overtly sexual product.

You might as well have taken your cock out and asked her to have a shoogle there and then.

Overt sexuals when starting to get to know someone are often the very worst thing you can wear - especially if you are not being keen or demonstrating sexualised behaviour/interaction along with it. That can get you taken as aggressive/standoffish or even outright creepy.

She’s already indicated that she may not go on into overt sexuals - not into clubbing/prefers more sedate socialising/talking etc.

In my mind, you might have done a lot better with something much more social and engaging with an underlying layer of sexuality - Something like Ammo, IH and IS

Ammo - Balanced social/sexy/mascuine

IH - You two can already converse, so rather than IO, IH makes for deeper more engaging conversation and promotes interpersonal bonding with a sense of shared experience.

IS - Happy/feelgood and socially confident, it will steer interactions with its happy/playful feel and personally I like it in combo with IH for a quality fun conversation vibe.

In fact, it may just be enough to begin with IH/IS and take it from there. Again esp as you reached out to her with a “friendly” invite rather than for a date.

A bit of IG may not go amiss here too - Suave and smart. Often far more interesting/attractive than “I wanna fuck NOW,” horny.

3

Maybe you’re right. I did squirt some IS but have to replenish my stock of socials - tuth and go was the knee jerk response in a hurry to an open drawer of empty phero bottles.

4

IS might have helped a bit but I’d really only keep that combo for the more raunchy clubs or someone I was already sexually active with.

A sedate date/outing with a friend is the very last place I’d use it - Made that mistake before myself! :o

5

what are your views vis-a-vis to pursue or not to pursue

6

Trying too hard to get to ‘know’ someone will put out a signal of desperation, that you’re friendliness is that you’re eager to please. Very few people like to have desperate people around them. The pressure will shut down any interest that may be there.
The harder you try to do force a relationship, the harder you’ll fail. Wanting something from someone else, too much. You can see that easily when you see a sales man try to pressure you, push you to try to like him too much, too quickly, you begin to back off and shutdown.
You’ll need to stagger your interest. It seems that she’ll be the kind that you’ll need to build on a comfort zone with her before you can continue. Then, pull back a bit.

I see it like getting used to a pool with cold water. Put your toes in, then, you pull them out. Then, you put you’re foot in, then, pull it out again. It becomes easier and easier to get into the pool as you get used to the cold. After several attempts, you may be standing knee deep in the cold water not minding so much.

You can’t force others to be in that comfort zone. Some will resist, as it seems to be the case here. My suggestion, if you want to continue, do social mones only, and build comfort slowly with things that SHE likes to talk about. You’ve done that unconsciously by talking to her about anthropology, but, you backed off a bit when it came to this subject. Even though, you may have been tired, she could have taken it as that you truly aren’t interested in her thoughts, and by extension her person.

1Alpha

7

I think she might have been odd because of the presence of the third person. I don’t see the point in initiating contact with someone and going out of the way to be friendly then pulling back when the person in question shows some interest.

sounds a lot like the kind of thing i don’t have time for now.

8

Mamba

What you mean is you don’t have time to play games with women… Because that’s exactly what reaching out and pulling back is.. A game. And its needed with young ones.

I find if I am in the same position and I don’t like games.. While they increase raw adrenaline the bottom line is you’re emotionally invested and you don’t know if that will lead to something you’ve worked so hard to sustain.

I think the advice here is dead on.. get some IH.. I am in the same boat as you. The girl I’m with shows signs of interest, approaches me to talk, is very friendly, but I wear IS AMMO and she basically dismissed me after 3 weeks… I feel like I would of rather been in a position to open her lips and get a response from her as to how she really felt about me from the start so I wouldn’t have to waste my time.

I have just put in an order for 2 IH togos.. I can’t wait for them to arrive.. Hopefully before Sat so I can try them out on her when I see her next.. At least this will cut to the chase and get her to state how she feels. bad or good, at least its not a waste of my time.

9

IH and IS sound like a good shout. it seems that the more expensive mones since the price increase work the best. I tried IS with an old girlfriend of mine who came over a few weeks back and the results were fantastic; just like the first day i tried IS - she was on the phone everyday asking us to retry our relations again.

But sometimes there is no self effect. You’re right about the gaming thing, I just finished a relationship with a girl that was very enthusiastic about playing games and a skilful operator too. If I had a clear impression that there was good interest at least in forming a close friendship with potential for more, then i might not necessarily mind putting up with whimsical behaviour.

But as you say with the emotional investment and following the initial thoughts in my post; It’s an ego issue yes, but also a value one I think. I’ve made myself clear as to my position on her so perhaps it’s best to leave it her to take further steps or not. And even in the case that she does, it would probably be better to be cautiously compliant in subsequent interactions and also field other, new candidates. She might be the type to encourage then blow off for the attention and from what I can gather she receives a lot of interest from guys. I don’t want to be another joker in that deck of cards. And i can’t help thinking that she hasn’t had sex in a long time - probably.

10

You and I must be dating the same girl j/k!! It seems the one I’m after gave me all sorts of IOI when I was ignoring her, and then when i talked to her once she would talk nonstop to me, smiling, ioi’s like crazy.. Finally, when I started pursuing her , telling her to look at my youtube channel etc, I got little in return. Eventually though I asked her if someone’s taken her out to dinner so technically I asked her on a date and she said her boyfriend takes her out.. So case closed. She mentioned her boyfriend.. But they WHY THE F*CK was she wanting to talk to me so much and giving me signs of IOI… could just be I’m her attention blanket in the meantime or a challenge for her.. I don’t understand women.

Luckily me and you may not have to for long.. you see by using IH it will coerce the woman into spilling the beans.. The closer bond she feels for you the more she will let you know her true thoughts… This could be good or bad depending on how you look at it, but it gives you something to work with.. You can gauge better what she really is thinking of you. If she is really confused she will act it, but it she’s playing games she’ll let something slip good or bad and all you have to do is listen.

I think with a social like IH its best to do more listening than talking. You mentioned you wanted to start out as friends with her and go from there. I kinda didn’t. I gave her a compliment and asked her when the last time she was taken out for dinner. I’m sure even if she didn’t realize it at the time by now she knows that I wanted a date with her.

She’s a waitress that means she’s not shy and probably has hordes of men she’s approached. Either way that tells me meeting guys for her is no problem and ones that show interest to early are seen as weak by her.

I kinda agree with other statements in this thread. To some extent you can’t always be at her beck and call. You should do something for her but less frequently.. Like compliment her but only once ina while, call her once in a week, ask her out once every 2 weeks. Text her by cell phone from time to time… Send her a Facebook msg. See her in person and say hi.

I don’t know I kinda am in your shoes too so the more people can shed light on how to invoke positive desire in young girls (20-25) without them blowing you off would be great. Especially for those of us who don’t look like Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt.

Older women are much easier to get involved with in my opinion… they are more apt to invest as much as they expect in return and less likely to play games. Also easier to have sex with. You may consider like me to not just pursue this one woman.. Open your options.. Still go after her but see potential in others.

11

I hear you and agree. I suppose the best way to appear not to be interested, is not to be interested. Life’s too short, women are plentiful.

For example, I today decided to consult the pherotalk.com oracle, for advice on mones and some useful independent views. I wonder if she has spent that much effort considering me? Plus, the whole “see you about” thing seems kind of childish to me, certainly not an appropriate way to end time spent with someone who has taken you out from relatively dull solitude for an enjoyable evening at their expense.

Whether you were attracted to them or not sexually is not the issue, afterall, the context was friendly and there was no obligation to accept the invitation.

12

I’m doing the same.. See my thread in the lounge area on “first date questions”. I found when women were attracted to me the most I paid the least attention to them (not purposely but because I was very busy) and was focused on developing myself. Spending time working out.. Spending time making money.. Spending time on my hobbies passions and family.

Now it seem (fast forward 15 years) I don’t spend as much time on my body, my job is not as good during the recession, and I’m older.

Sometimes it pays to make a better you instead of chasing women.

Think about it if Johnny Depp walked in and said hi to her he’d be getting her number after a smile and having to turn down hundreds of propositions for sex or casual dating well because he is so high up the ladder.

If you focus on developing a better you, you will automatically attract more women into your life without the chase.. So personally I would say develop a better you and initiate with a woman but don’t chase too much for it shows desparation.

If you only going to stick to chasing 1 woman and really want her and no one else use IH like I’m doing because you’ll find out sooner or later if she’s worth a relationship as she starts spilling the beans.

You seem like a good guy.. I think a combination of both of the methods I outlined above will get you to your goals.

:roll_eyes:

13

Funny you should mention Johnny Depp. We both met him at an event recently and were talking about why women like celebrities during our outing. She claims not to have any interest in them all that; too cerebral and all that, that’s not the impression I got. :wink: Who knows.

But it’s funny, I hear guys chasing and chasing and finally getting their girl. But there must be some understanding that she’s playing hard to get on his part surely. Or do you feel that she suddenly takes an inexplicable liking to him. and what if you can’t tell the difference and end up making a complete arse of yourself

14

Yes are women who don’t respond to chasing initially playing hard to get or does the guy who chases have a master plan from start to finish that finally gets her no matter if she see’s him as just another guy in the beginning.

15

No, I would not pursue.

I’d still be sociable whenever I saw her but I wouldn’t initiate contact or ask he out again until I got some clearer/more direct and persistent IOIs.

16

Another great rule of thumb I’ve seen is the man should always be the person to end whats going on, end a conversation. If you keep it going you can come off as desperate. If you wanted to walk her to her door, I would have straight up asked her if she wanted the escort.,not wait there which might come off as needy or creepy. Next time wear something like IO shine or ammo. TUTH is either to get older women or right before you guys have fun in bed or with drunk girls haha

17

Thanks guy.

10:20pm, faint knock at the door. who could it be. a bit of a mr.e.

look through the eye piece, oh. it’s kat.

too tired today, not open door. straight back to sleep.

18

If a girl is coming to my door after 9pm I’d def be answering the door…

19

Nah, really tired. literally no sleep the previous night. Plus i’m not a dog and she probably wanted to talk anthropology or borrow some sugar who knows.

curious though that she didn’t try to make contact on face book or something first. strange creatures.

20

You sound too nice, like I used to be. Ah well