It's Macho To Stand Up For Women..

[bronzie]

I wish there was a “zero tolerance” rule implemented in my neck of the woods, I have been slapped in the face by so many women in public that now I have developed a “battered boyfriend syndrome”. This psychological condition has affected every date I go on, since.

[Mohammad_Shah]

@Ail

Having been a victim for so many years, I would say NEVER look away.

Over here we have “Zero Tolerance,” which came into play far too late for me in many respects, but what it basically means is that action is taken on any and ALL signs of abuse reported.

It has worked phenomenally since its inception in 2000, and although abuse, which takes MANY forms as those of us who have been in that situation are far more qualified to state than those who have not, is still rife on a worldwide basis, “Zero Tolerance” certainly yields great results.

If you think something is wrong - step in.
If you hear an argument that gets heated WAY above the norm - step in.
If you hear or SEE someone being abused, beyond all doubt - step in.

Believe me, I wished many, many, MANY times people had stepped in

It’s usually very easy to tell in public for example, if events could take a nasty turn, and believe me, the woman or man who is the victim will be VERY grateful you did stop and look twice.

It will never make it worse, no matter what those women believe, because you make damn sure the victim is taken WELL away from the perpetrator, no matter what the victim says.

Abuse is largely about control, mind-games and power, and that cycle needs to be broken completely.

How did the cycle end for me?

Well, I was dead, and that’s the hard, blunt truth. Strangled with a PC power cable. Another minute and that would have been it, but my ex-husband knew what he’d done and bolted. Had it not been for his worried friend feeling very uneasy, and coming back to check after he witnessed a massive row earlier in the day, then reviving me - I would not be here today.

Since I am, I’m pretty sure it’s for a damn good purpose, and that is one of the reasons I live every day now as if it is my last.

After all, one day I WILL be right..

Ail

You’re absolutely right, Ail!!! Like your spirit!!

[Mohammad_Shah]

@bronzie

I wish there was a “zero tolerance” rule implemented in my neck of the woods, I have been slapped in the face by so many women in public that now I have developed a “battered boyfriend syndrome”. This psychological condition has affected every date I go on, since.

Bronzie, your case is not the same, my friend!!

[Lor]

i cannot even pretend to know or understand why that situation happens. i have seen it, know people that been involved, but unless i live it, i cannot make a statement.
every person should create a support system, for when we cant see it comming…

[Mohammad_Shah]

@Lor

i cannot even pretend to know or understand why that situation happens. i have seen it, know people that been involved, but unless i live it, i cannot make a statement.
every person should create a support system, for when we cant see it comming…

Strength, must always be placed in the correct place for the correct use, not abuse…

[Rbt]

Human emotions are some of the most powerful and dangerous things on Earth…

I’ve learned to be very careful when in an emotionally charged situation of any sort. Very very careful…

.

[Mohammad_Shah]

@Rbt

Human emotions are some of the most powerful and dangerous things on Earth…

I’ve learned to be very careful when in an emotionally charged situation of any sort. Very very careful…

.

and to control it is the most difficult thing to do!!

[terry0400-40]

@hapar7

So where do you draw the line between helping and budding in? meaning you see a couple that is arguing and you see the body language of the man start to turn violent, he hasnt hit her but he looks like he is about to. Do you interven or look the other way? the reason i ask this is because i know a couple of woman that were abused in relationships, and to them had someone intervened it would have made it worse..

I know of instances when someone has gone to the assistance of a lady in distress and both her and her antagonist have turned and assulted the good samaritan, its ok to help but you must be prepared for anything nowdays as there are so many sick people around.

[Mohammad_Shah]

@terry0400-40

I know of instances when someone has gone to the assistance of a lady in distress and both her and her antagonist have turned and assulted the good samaritan, its ok to help but you must be prepared for anything nowdays as there are so many sick people around.

That’s one of the reasons why most people do not want to interfere on the matter!

[terry0400-40]

@Mohammad_Shah

That’s one of the reasons why most people do not want to interfere on the matter!

Yes it is in instances like coming to aid someone male or female of what action to take on the spur of the moment as sometimes there really is no time for a lot of thinking, All i can say is that one must be in tune so as to follow the direction and guidance of the spirit of truth. Its not always an easy thing to deal with when its sort of all of a sudden in your face, but it is better to try if it is at all possable because an attitude of indifference is not going to help anyone in the long run.

[hapar7]

@terry0400-40

I know of instances when someone has gone to the assistance of a lady in distress and both her and her antagonist have turned and assulted the good samaritan, its ok to help but you must be prepared for anything nowdays as there are so many sick people around.

I think thats what alot of people are afraid of..it would be the right thing to do to just step in, but like you said people are sick..but hell if the guy would rather fight me I say BRING IT ON!..Ill choke him out and let the cops deal with him, we have zero torlerence law here as well.

[kathyG]

Sorry not to chime in earlier but just noticed the thread. By all means step in. I have been there on more than one occasion. I kept choosing men that would beat me and the progression was worse with each man. Somehow I had gotten the message growing up in my house (amazing what children pick up from their parents) that I asked for it by what I said or did or didn’t do. I also got the message from these men noone else would love me. The thought of being alone terrified me more than staying.

I never say my dad hit my mother but lots of pushes and the tone and verbage was enough to send a clear message. My dad learned from his dad and I’m sure so on. The amazing thing is usually these men dearly love the ppl they hurt. I went thru two years of therapy and got dad and mom to go to one. They still have problems but there is no more violence. I got alot from therapy but the two things I got most were the ability to stand up for myself (even against dad) and my dad had finally told me he was proud of me. All those years growing up I tried harder became the best athelete then I finally turned to drugs because those ppl accepted me for who I was, a dysfunctional kid looking for someone to love me because I couldn’t feel it from the man I most wanted it from.

People would try to help after the beatings and I never stayed for help because I didn’t have enough self asteem to help myself. BUT!!! Someone stepped in to help one night. A neighbor heard what was happening and had had enough and broke down my door to stop it. The details are not important but It planted a seed. I was finally able to pick myself up and get help.

One thing to note is even though I had therapy the very next man I chose ripped my rotator cuff. He begged and said sorry. I remember asking him what he wanted from me. I’ll never forget, he said “I want you to be okay with it.” HUH? But I had enough new messages planted telling me I didn’t have to take it. I was okay with being alone if that was how it was to be. But I DIDN’T HAVE TO TAKE IT.

So what Im trying to say short version long. Is step in. It may not take hold this time but then again it might. I have stopped the cycle. I am with a man would would never lay a finger on me. We are leading our daughter by example and telling her it is never okay. YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE IT!

[Mohammad_Shah]

@kathyG

Sorry not to chime in earlier but just noticed the thread. By all means step in. I have been there on more than one occasion. I kept choosing men that would beat me and the progression was worse with each man. Somehow I had gotten the message growing up in my house (amazing what children pick up from their parents) that I asked for it by what I said or did or didn’t do. I also got the message from these men noone else would love me. The thought of being alone terrified me more than staying.

I never say my dad hit my mother but lots of pushes and the tone and verbage was enough to send a clear message. My dad learned from his dad and I’m sure so on. The amazing thing is usually these men dearly love the ppl they hurt. I went thru two years of therapy and got dad and mom to go to one. They still have problems but there is no more violence. I got alot from therapy but the two things I got most were the ability to stand up for myself (even against dad) and my dad had finally told me he was proud of me. All those years growing up I tried harder became the best athelete then I finally turned to drugs because those ppl accepted me for who I was, a dysfunctional kid looking for someone to love me because I couldn’t feel it from the man I most wanted it from.

People would try to help after the beatings and I never stayed for help because I didn’t have enough self asteem to help myself. BUT!!! Someone stepped in to help one night. A neighbor heard what was happening and had had enough and broke down my door to stop it. The details are not important but It planted a seed. I was finally able to pick myself up and get help.

One thing to note is even though I had therapy the very next man I chose ripped my rotator cuff. He begged and said sorry. I remember asking him what he wanted from me. I’ll never forget, he said “I want you to be okay with it.” HUH? But I had enough new messages planted telling me I didn’t have to take it. I was okay with being alone if that was how it was to be. But I DIDN’T HAVE TO TAKE IT.

So what Im trying to say short version long. Is step in. It may not take hold this time but then again it might. I have stopped the cycle. I am with a man would would never lay a finger on me. We are leading our daughter by example and telling her it is never okay. YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE IT!

Hi Kathy!
I’m sorry for what you’ve gone thru…I know it was a nightmare..but I’m glad it’s over now..and may God bless you and your family with all the happiness in this world and the after…

[Gem]

Mohammed, thank you for highlighting this issue.

Do MERCY take, or is there another place you can make donations that will be used for this cause?

[Richelieu]

@Mohammad_Shah

Hi Everyone!
The ‘White Ribbon’ campaign (in Malaysia) is about men standing up against voilence against women. The United Nations has designated November 25th as International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. The objective of the campaign is to encourage men to speak out, and not to condone, encourage or commit any forms of violence against women. The list of violence against women is long and it includes marital rape, domestic violence and battery during pregnancy. Among other cases are rape, child sexual abuse, incest, child prostitution, date rape, sex-selective abortion and forced prostitution.

Studies on such acts indicate:

• women are at greatest risk of violence from men they know,
• physical abuse in intimate relationships is almost always accompanied by severe psychological and verbal abuse,
• sosial institutions put in place to protect citizens too often blame, or ignore, battered women.

Men need to understand that this is an issue that affects everyone, not just women, but most men tend to think otherwise. In some cultures where the issue of masculinity is sometimes wrongly identified with self-centredness, aggression and seeing females as sex objects, which is why we need to change the perception. All men everywhere, need to appreciate the value of women, finest creation of God in a form of ‘true art’ which reflex beauty, grace and elegance, and worth so much more…

Thank you. May God bless us all.

Mohammad

• a volunteer of MERCY (Malaysian Medical Relief Society)

Whilst I agree that it is a good cause I do wonder what is being done about violence against men?

[terry0400-40]

@Richelieu

Whilst I agree that it is a good cause I do wonder what is being done about violence against men?

Thats an easy one. “OBEY THE COMMANDMENTS OF GOD” you can also pray for peace, if that is what you seek in truthfullness. Or if you are just trying to be controversial because you have nothing better to do, then i suggest you go and have a haircut.

[Richelieu]

@terry0400-40

Thats an easy one. “OBEY THE COMMANDMENTS OF GOD” you can also pray for peace, if that is what you seek in truthfullness. Or if you are just trying to be controversial because you have nothing better to do, then i suggest you go and have a haircut.

I do need a haircut indeed, but I cant say I really understand what you are saying?

[terry0400-40]

@Richelieu

I do need a haircut indeed, but I cant say I really understand what you are saying?

Sorry not to have been more specific, but i was just answering your query about what to do about violence against men, but i did not mean to be insulting, I really had a good grin actually when you mentioned that you need a haircut, its funny how a grin can stay on the face and alter our disposition towards someone as well in a positive way.

[Richelieu]

@terry0400-40

Sorry not to have been more specific, but i was just answering your query about what to do about violence against men, but i did not mean to be insulting, I really had a good grin actually when you mentioned that you need a haircut, its funny how a grin can stay on the face and alter our disposition towards someone as well in a positive way.

LOL I did not see your post as insulting Terry, I honestly couldnt understand what you were saying

[terry0400-40]

@Richelieu

LOL I did not see your post as insulting Terry, I honestly couldnt understand what you were saying

Sometimes i dont understand what i am saying, I never really had any schooling, so i am a bit of a Dummy at times.