Okay I need some female advice

Lounge
1

Alright, so i know this girl right. Shes great and all, but theres this little problem. First, i would like to present you with a situation. and tell me what you think would cause the person to act this way. Followed by that, I will give you some background and some more info, then tell me what you think of everything put together.
I guess im asking for two answers, but really, any answers, advice would be good.

Part 1:
Alright. There is this girl. Whenever you see eachother in public, such as the hallways or classrooms, shes always looking down or avoids eye contact. However, when alone, such as in a car or something, she can easily strike up a convo.

Part 2:
Alright, So that girl. Lets say you asked her out last month. She said no. However, you find out from one of her bestfriends that she liked you 2 weeks prior to asking her out. What you do know is that she also liked this other guy since early last summer. Now your really confused. In october or something, you two really hit it off at a party, joking, laughing, and playing footsies on her best friends bed. At another party later that month, she completely isolates herself from you and hangs with another guy. Its quite confusing from there on. So you leave her alone and hang out with the group. As it gets later, you sleep on her bestfriend’s bed and her bestfriend crawls into bed with you. Now there was nothing sexual or was there any intent of doing anything happening. Theres another party now, except now its January, a month after you asked her out. You go to the party and shes with that same guy playing with his hair as his head is resting on her lap. Your in the corner working out, just observing. Your bestfriend needs a ride home, so you leave the party a little early to drop him off and then you come back. You find out that the guy is alone now, his hope of cuddling with her at night never materializes. She says she was “not feeling well.” So now your angry at her for leading the guy on because its against your values. You ignore her and she knows your angry at her for a week. Lately however, you see her glancing in your direction every now and then. You may think you see a twinkle in her eye, your not sure.

So you go around and ask her bestfriend what are your chances. Bestfriend 1 says: You have no chance, im sure she doesnt like you. That gets you down.
You you come up with a hypothetical situation that actually did happen, which is Part 1. You give that situation to Bestfriend 2, without any background info or any info on the person’s personality.
She states that there are two possibilities:

  1. She only thinks of you as a friend and when you are alone she thinks of you as a brother
  2. She might possibly like you but is too afraid to admit it to her self because she might like someone else. She can only talk to you in private because when your alone, she can open up to you but in public, she doesnt want to seem like your dating.

So after hearing statements from Bestfriend 2, you wonder how she could come up with such a complex analysis with the hypothetical question given. Sounds fishy to me.

So then, you contact another friend. A female friend that does not have any relation or familiarity with the person and you give her all the background information. You tell her your not sure if you should do anything about it because she has screwed guys over before. The female friend tells you that it reminds her exactly of the story she had. Of how she used guys to get the one guy she did like jealus. She also said that when the guy did ask her out, she said no because she didnt want to seem like she was vulnerable and dependant. In the end, the guy she liked… and actually still likes, lost interest in her and now she feels terrible for screwing up big time. So the female friend tells you to not lose interest and that everything is a cover. She says not to give up no matter what or else it’ll destroy the girl.

Now your in quite a predicament. The facts stand as this:
Bestfriend 1 is very very close to the girl and will divulge any info IF she knows it
Bestfriend 2 is also pretty close, however will not tell any secrets. The girl and her have been hanging out frequently lately
Female Friend is a smart girl, but her advice my affected by her past history.

So, now your confused.

I specifically used refrences such as “you” and “your” so the reader can place themselves into my shoes, so dont take that as bad grammer or anything oO

I dont know what to do. What do you girls/guys make out of it. I know it seems like nothing, but its been weighing me down for awhile now and i just want to get some external advice. Any would be appreciated. I love how my life is so confusing. sigh :frowning:

2

OKay, I’m the worst at giving dating advice, but I’ve pulled a couple of those tricks before ( saying No when I really wanted to say Yes). Supposedly, it gives the impression that I am not waiting around for anyone. Instead of asking friend 1 and freind 2, why don’t you ask the girl if anything is the matter?

3

The girl im going for is actually fairly intelligent, She’ll just disregard the question and if i come on too strong, i think there is a good chance we’ll have another period of no talking to eachother. I dont think i can repair it a third time. The fact that im going to college is also putting everything on a clock. no fun =

4

You need some female advice according to the header, but according to the sentence above a guy can answer too. So here I go…

I grew up with a girl that E-V-E-R-Y guy who ever met her - permanently fell in love with - 'till she married.

She used to tell all the guys “we’ll see … let’s be friends and see what happens” Most of us just held out hoping she’d decide at some point to be more than a friend. The guy that married her was the one that chewed her out and ignored her when she fed her standard line and went to the next guy.

We scratched our heads about that one. It wasn’t 'till I read PUA materials that I realized that she’d been giving us all sh!t tests (unconsciously, of course), and we were too green to know that we wouldn’t scare her off if we grew a set, told her off, and said it like it was.

Lesson learned.

Anyway, I see some similarities to your story and mine.

Bottom line: Best friend 2 is no dummy, and option 2 is correct. Remember that women can read body language 10x better than men.

When you were ticked off at her for leading another guy on, she read your body language and thought “Maybe there’s a set of testicles there!”

You should be ticked off also that she doesn’t want anyone in public to know that you and her have some chemistry going. She wants real, but she doesn’t want to be real herself.

Cheers,

:cool: Quicksilver

Rep points?!?!? For me? Don’t mind if I do! :smiley:

5

Haha, i never thought of it that way Quicksilver. But yea, i see what your saying. Your situation is exactly mine. Except, with every guy that goes up to her, they say shes perfect and everything. I told her, when we were eating out, just us two, that I would NEVER marry a perfect woman. She said “well, we can be close right?” I have never called her perfect or anything, sure i compliment, but im the guy that ignores/compliments. She sees daily that i can get along with all sorts of women and that if i wanted to pick one up i can. But im really really picky. I guess im the only one that semi-passes her shit tests. Thats probably because i think highly of myself, and i dont want to sound egotistical, but rather, it gives me standards and when a man knows what he wants, he wants nothing less.

6

ive never been in to mind games. if i were you, the next time i saw her id tell her to give the games a rest for 60 seconds because i wouldnt be dealing with them or sticking around forever then ask her out. if she shot me down id start trying to accept that maybe that person who said i had almost no chance was right. i know someone else said to not lose interest in her since it might destroy her but why put yourself through this just because she wants to jerk you around? if she ends up destroying herself it was her own doing. basically, if she says “no” and you dont try moving on: 1) it may end up destroying you instead or 2) she really might not be into you. sure she appeared to like you before but as i said, i dont play mind games.

.. oh, but let her know that if she does reject you youll assume its because she isnt into you and isnt just playing games.

… and why did it do that to “the games”??

7

Oh my Lo- I mean, goodness. :open_mouth: So she’s decided she’s perfect? I would have said (in an exaggeratingly sweet voice) “After you take a year of therapy to work out that pride problem of yours, hun!”

But seriously, she sounds like one continuous stream of sh!t tests. Joke with her like you would a younger sibling, and don’t let her talk smack without at least commenting/calling her on it.

just my $0.02. Thanks for the rep point.

Cheers,

:cool: Quicksilver

8

Haha, thats probably what i like about her. Shes got a good ego. The thing with me is, im the most insensitive sensitive person ever. Depending on the situation, i can easily mold my responses to get the desired result. I guess i’m just insecure. But hey, whenever i get depressed or pissed, i just excersize, so its a win win for me =D.

And, np

9

wow thats almost more compllicated then my situation right now… props dude… man we men really know how to get into the weirdest situations with women that never seem to make sense to us but its perfectly simple to them… i love them though… they have me running for there love and i dont mind… im just a bad runner though

10

Blaze, I got to reply. Even though now I am mature and a few extra pounds I remember those days fondly.

Ego is not a good thing to admire if the person treats others like crap by leading them on. It obviously annoys you as well because it made you stop talking to her. When a woman/girl thinks they’re perfect the guy that tells her she’s not and points out her flaws (in a nice but manly way) is the one she will work hardest to change the opinion of to her favor.

Quicksilver was DEAD ON! Don’t take crap from anyone and certainly don’t let anyone lead you around. That type of relationship is DOOMED!

I have a friend Justin who has a daughter with this girl Amanda (changed names). When Justin worked at this one communications firm making $96000 a year everything was great. As soon as tough times came around the girl left him. The company went bankrupt. She told him that she couldn’t live with someone who couldn’t support her lifestyle. Sure he got another job in the interim, but it didn’t pay much. He used most of his money to chase her and buy dinner and gifts. She accepted everything and then took a trip to Vegas with a guy she liked. He found out through her cousin. After she comes back he grabbles for her to take him back. He would change his ways. (Remember the only thing wrong was that the company he worked for went bankrupt). One day I went to visit my friend to eat Sushi in the mall. He showed up with Amanda. What a surprise. During that lunch she actually told him that he would let her marry him if she pissed on him. He just sat there like a scared puppy.

I had had enough and really pointed out her demeaning manner and her flaws. She never worked, she was lazy, I even pointed out flaws about how she looked. (I didn’t mention this girl is smoking hot 10). When the bill came I asked her for her money and of course she didn’t have any. I really laid into her and Justin ended up paying for her. Justin went to the bathroom before leaving and this girl wrote her # down, her email, her address and her schedule and handed it to me. I tore up the paper and said I wasn’t interested in anyone like her.

Somehow she got my number from Justin and now she is my stalker. I still refuse to have interaction with her though. (Justin is a friend and she is not the type I would associate with)

I stress: Quicksilver is correct here. Every woman tests man to make sure they are not weaklings. I’m sure every woman on the forum would agree that no woman wants a man she can lead around by the nose. Just like it took me years to figure out that no woman who spent 2 hours a day in the gym working on million dollar body wants a man who exists on Twinkies and beer who wears 3X shirts in a feeble attempt to cover their obese size. Just remember it is you who she wants to catch!

Good luck

11

:open_mouth: That’s horrible about your friend, Steveo. I hope he finds a woman worthy of him – but I also really hope he gets a back bone. That beauty is wasted on her.

And it’s ALMOST amusing that you didn’t take her crap, and she’s so enamored by the idea that someone can’t be controlled by her that she’s latched on to you. I can’t imagine you giving in, and I’m glad about that.

It is true that women don’t want men who are completely submissive. Leading by the nose! That to me, is a completely unbalanced relationship, possibly abusive, and no good for either the woman or the man. It becomes a game of power, and nothing to do with love.

I don’t like playing games, either. And it sounds like your girl, BlazingAzn, DOES. If it’s weighing you down, and you don’t like the situation, I say get out of it, and find a girl who doesn’t need her ego tied up and thrown into the closet.

If she’s that attractive, good for her, and let her torment other boys who are willing to take her crap.

Why pine over someone who is afraid to show she likes you because she’s holding out for someone else?

Seriously, there are other girls out there. Ones who are cute, and are gasp nice!

Out of curiosity – I take it you’re in highschool? What “clique” are you in, if you’re even one? I was one of those girls who free floated around the nerds, artists, and drama kids – never part of the popular set, but to me, as horrible as it sounds, people do tend to act similar… maybe you need to look elsewhere, find different types of girls…

Or even wait until college. It becomes a whole different ball game.

12

He needs a backbone for sure. I even signed him up for Mystery’s, DeAngelo’s and a couple of other email newsletters (PUA). He just don’t get it.

I would never date a girl like her either regardless of how good looking she is. She has very little self esteem (seems odd) to treat people that way. When people are mean to others they are usually trying to hide their own defects.

Anyway I wish you, BlazingAzn88, the best of luck with this girl. Let us know how it turns out. Please take the story about my friend to heart though.

13

Quicksilver, if you are determined to get this girl listen to everybody else. My opinion is that she is treating you like sh*& and nobody like that is worth your time. You have good luck with women and most likely had a fair amount of experience. You are off to college soon. Their is no point getting involved with your “Prize Woman” just prior. All it will lead to is a lot of emotional ties when you will be heading out on your own into the fascinating, stressful, exciting world of college.

Forget about her. When you make it to a university you will be surrounded by so many people bringing their own flavors to the mix. You will meet people from all around the country and world. There will be somebody better. I guarantee it. I’ve been at both Purdue and IU. At Purdue there are 30,000 students. At IU there are just as many (maybe more) and there is a 3:1 female to male ratio. (Purdue is 1:3, but still there are a lot).

Don’t worry about her, you’ll look back and see what types of relationships she’s been in, and how she gets treated and laugh.

Seriously, she isn’t worth your time.

14

Thanks for the advice guys. And thanks especially to the guy that took off rep points. I never said i praised and worshiped PUA and i never really applied it. Its my personality that makes me act the way I am. I impress girls by who I am, not fake crap. Im looking for a good relationship. If i wasnt, trust me, i would be quite the stud. Thanks Again for the deduction points in which all i was asking for in this thread was some simple advice to what the girl’s intentions could be.

PS. the girl IS nice. She’s just used to every guy sucking up to her, so it has some what desensitized her. Actually, she thinks she’s really really ugly and that no guys like her. She’s the kind of girl that is insecure about herself. Personally, i believe relationships should be equal and whenever we are out at a restaurant, i make her pay her share. Why should i pay for dinner? Both parties in a relationship should be equal for it to be successful. Thanks again for the advice everyone.

15

Me? In a clique? I dont think thats possible. I’m a very likeable person. Im practically THE paradox. I can fit in with any clique easily, yet, im not in a clique at the same time. Im the shy, quiet, nerdy nice immature kid thats also outgoing, a jerk, mature, well known and quite popular. I’m always the person people cheer on, and ive been told that im quite the eloquent public speaker. I know it doesnt make sense, but thats who I am. I dont make sense, and i guess thats quite mysterious. In short, im the asshole (well its what i call myself, people i ask tell me im not) that goes out on the limb to help the unfortunate if that makes any sense :stuck_out_tongue:

So to answer your question Sauranne, my clique would be people. :smiley:

16

Well, Maya Angelou has said when someone tells you who they are, believe them. :wink:

A helpful asshole… interesting.

17

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!!! im that same guy… shit i drove a good 50 miles in my gas hogging mustang becaus ea girl aske dme to pick her up and take her someplace… yet im the guyt who fucks around and does stupid shit yet still the nice guy… me and you we are a lot alike… do u like cheetos as well???

18

Always be yourself, if your not than who exactly are you?

I noticed someone took a point off me too… I wonder why? I came to this forum because it seemed like sincere people. It’s funny how they ask you to introduce yourself and here it is 3 days later and only 1 person took the time to say hi and advise. Oh well maybe my first impression was wrong!

Sorry Blaze, don’t want to hijack your thread, but how do you find out who neg’d you? I’d like to find out myself who neg’d me (deduction points). Seems a pretty crappy thing to do to a guy who is genuine in his request for advice.

And do let us know how you make out with this girl. I’m routing for yah…:wink:

19

I am sorry to hear someone took your points off. You have made great posts so far! Big welcome to you from my side! Hope to see more posts from you in future.

20

There appears to be some dipsh*t around who gets his rocks off deducting points. Don’t take it personally!!