Hey guys, I’m back after a while. Nothing has worked out regarding my older threads, but I have a question regarding women.
In general, if you want to reconnect (as a friend for now) with a girl you have not spoken to in months because things ended badly, what is the best time to do it?
A. When she’s in a good mood, seems to be going out a lot and seems more receptive to people and friends.
B. When she’s at rock bottom, doesn’t go out and needs more friends in her life.
The basis for A. is that when you’re at a time in your life when you party all the time and go out every week with your friends, it puts you in a good mood and creates a positive environment to make her more receptive to you when you wish to enter her life again.
The basis for B. is that maybe when a woman has nothing, she is more prone to accept you back into her life. If she already has friends and goes partying weekly, maybe she would be less likely to accept you. Like a girl who gets hit on by every guy at the club, she’ll be more prone to reject you as she has other options. If the same girl doesn’t get hit on for a few weeks, she’ll be more receptive to you.
I can see pros and cons to attempting a reconnect at both times. This is just a general question.
I think that has a lot to do with how you define “ending badly”… did you come to an impasse where what you valued and what she valued were no longer compatible ? If things ended… well or badly… what is the reasoning that they should be repaired ? What do you want out of a relationship, and how does that contrast with what she wants, or thinks she wants ?
Like tacitus said it will depend a lot on how and why things ended inthe first place. Were you guys dating? Did she break up with you? Generally speaking it is best to re-conect in a fun social atmosphere and how things go will depend more on you than her. You should have a fun carefree vibe that shows you have moved on and just want to be friends. Dont talk about why or how things ended, just pretend she’s and old friend you havent seen in a while. Side note if you can arrange it to where you are with an attractive girl that would be best. Nothing gets the hampster wheel inside a womans head moving like seeing an ex with a hot girl.
You’ll know when the time is right but if you need a number I think you should wait three weeks before talking to her again thats when she’ll miss you the most.
Don’t initiate conversation with her and if she talks to you then only talk to her for a minute then say you have to go.
Don’t talk about the relationship at all unless she starts to talk about it then it’s safe to talk about.
Make sure you seem happy and act like everything is good also try to flirt with some girls on facebook or something if possible that will make her jealous.
Delete her from your phone and remove any contact with her except for things that she will know you deleted her from like facebook or myspace.
I don’t think being friends with her would be good if she says she wants to be friends just tell her you don’t want to put a label on the relationship.
Being friends with a girl helps her heal from the relationship.
When is the best time to turn a book back several pages and try to read it again hoping it will turn out better?
My advice is to move on, force yourself to do so. The fact that you’re still thinking about something that in your own words “ended” badly or otherwise shows that you’re feeling needy and clingy and borderline obsessed with the girl. Until you get into a headspace where you don’t “need” her anymore, you’re not right for her.
The problem with your question, that answers far more than it asks is that you’re asking about HER state as a factor in your decision rather than YOUR state.
Option B frankly sounds exploitative, do you really want a woman to go for you so desperately that even if the only reason you got her was because she hit rock bottom and is needing to be rescued from her life? That’s call codependency and it will result in a relationship that won’t be healthy for either of you.
The question you should have naturally asked was when do you know if YOU are ready to go after the girl again?
Work on you…focus on upgrading yourself and your lifestyle. Find goals and ambitions that are so meaningful to you that if the woman said you had to choose between her and your goals; you’d walk away from her without looking back. When you can focus on yourself enough that getting a relationship with the girl is nice, even preferred, but not absolutely necessary, then you’ll be ready. But if you’re needing her so much that even considering her being desperate and alone as a favorable situation for your own personal gain…you’re not ready and what you’re feeling is too needy and obsessive.
Let it go, move on, focus on yourself and try to grow as a man and a human being.
very well said Radman! If youre not in the right mental space than theres no point trying to get back with her, or find a new one for that matter because you will probbably blow it. When you are happy with your life, can offer value and good feelings and are happily single is when you are ready. Work on yourself and the women will follow.
