Fell in love with a colleague while I was involved with someone else.
Had a parallel relationship for about two months, she knew about my old girlfriend, never lied about it to her.
She expected me to break up, which I couldn’t do at the time because I was guilty although I really wanted to be with the new girl. This was at Christmas.
Broke her heart, but we still had contact without anything romantic going on again. She was still showing interest.
Finally broke up a month after Christmas, new girl seemed happy at first, then started getting distant.
Had a talk, bottom line she told me that she could not trust me and she was afraid I would break her heart again although she still has some feelings. Now we are not in contact, only about business matters.
We will see each other in the future for business reasons. I don’t want a hook up or a one night stand with her. I want her to trust me again and feel attracted to me again. Then I can take things slowly and rebuild the relationship.
So am I right into looking at pheromones here ? I just want to built up some attraction on the few occasions that we will meet so I can try and start everything over. Does this sound doable to any of you ? If this is of any help we had amazing tension between us and we were really crazy and all over each other all the time.
It seems to me that before you go for outright attraction, you may need to consider something to help restoretrust/confidence between you and increase your status. Then start steering it for emotional engagement and ultimately attraction.
‘Parallel relationship’ is the term people use now?
Anyway, any physical attraction wouldn’t need to be rekindled; it’s the emotional barrier that she has put up to you. So you need to look into products for warmth, trust, fun and bonding.
Well, parallel relationship is not as harsh as affair…
So this emotional barrier is a real bitch. Might never go down I guess…
So what would your advice be on that ? And please feel free to give more advice that does not include pheromones if you think it can help my situation…
It’s hard to say, because from her point of view, like in many of these situations, the lack of trust stems from the fact that you had an affair with her, and she can’t know for certain you wouldn’t do it again with someone else. So you need to separate yourself from the rest of the, forgive me for saying, cheaters, and make her believe that she was worth ending another relationship for, and that you’ve set her apart from any other girl in existence. Usual bonding products are P74, Instant Openness, Instant Honesty etc. So give them a little search on the forums, and I’m sure something on the topic of resparking trust and emotional attraction will come up
Thank you for the info. Well I did try to distinguish myself. I went through a horrible time with my breakup (4 year relationship) just for her…
I really can’t pinpoint what changed. One day we were happy, the other she is drifting apart… I know her friends trash-talked about me a lot because they knew she was very hurt when I didn’t break up over Christmas… Anyway it will be hard but I don’t want to give up that easily. We barely talk so I have to make the most of it…
How would you say she responded to you at best? Is she a “party”/fun/highly social woman, or is she more prone to responding to masculine/in-control/status type gestures. Also if you have any idea of the sorts of guys she went-for before, that may help give us some clues to what she goes-on.
Also, when things changed, were you being more attentive/involved in her life compared to before?
The answer, as well as pheros may wel involve some other bahavioural/attitude factors. Pheros work in support of these, so it is often best if you approach this from several angles, not pheros alone.
I agree with Dream Brother above - There will be more suggestions but P74 and IH will probably be involved somewhere as these two are the base for many re-connecting/bonding/trusting sharing mixes. IO however can work against this but it is usable with other mones and different personality types. Personally I’d suggest Instant Shine instead.
As much as you wanted to be with her, you’re not an emotionless robot who can simply break-up with someone that easy, especially over a time of year that’s meant to be filled with happiness. She should try and see the good in that, and see that it was compassion and respect for the woman that made it so hard for you.
I know and I try to focus on this as a positive aspect of who I am. This doesn’t mean I am not a cheater and I wish I could take that back. But life is not black or white. I am just a guy who fell in love with a girl…
Let’s hope I can get a positive feeling from her from the pheromones and then I can prove what I really am to her… Maybe hoping for too much but never give up hope…
Here is the thing. She is a very independent girl. She is social and very smart. She was always telling me that she fell for me because I was confident and I was also very smart and sexy at the same time, telling me that my looks normally didn’t go with someone being smart. She hates being told what to do and for the short time that we were together she was doing all she could to spend as much time with me as possible, while also making big plans for the future, like living together, goind on regular dinner dates, etc…
It sounds to me like she is very much attracted to status and possibly challenge in a man and she saw all that in you until you gave yourself wholehartedly over to her. Then, spending all the time you could with her and the making plans plus the regular dates all served to take the mystery away, normalise your relationship and remove challenge/frisson of danger from her - “Stolen time” if you will and yes, quite a number of women are very much turned-on by the idea that they are turning the head of a high status man who may never be theirs.
To some extent it is worth considering what might happen if she does come to “trust you” again and rekindles things - Will she move-on to falling for another unattainable man, or will you have to forever keep a certain distance in order to maintain a relationship/attraction. IME women in this position will often fall for one unattainable man after another, even when all they think they want is delivered.
Phero-wise, I’d not hesitate to reccomend A314, IH and P74 as your base mix, with maybe Instant Shine, Ammo and TUTH for attractive steering in more social/sexual situations.
And the good thing is that A314 is a superb professional trust and status product as well, IH only serves to deepen the trust/connection aspect and P74 adds a close, sharing, emotionally bonding aspect.
Obviously any reconnection won’t happen straight away, but the effect of these three together tends to build with repeated exposure and it can take a while to set-in, esp with any emotional mountain to overcome. So to begin with do your very best to be wearing this or a similar combination whenever you meet her for the forseeable future and don’t be anything other than strictly professional around her and keep any other contact to the absolute bare minimum - Hopefully the mix will be working on her subconsious to communicate all the right trust/status values and the exposure/removal/re-exposure cycle will only serve to reinfoce them and raise her interest/comfort. Eventually she should be getting more interested in seeing you socially/personally again and that’s when you introduce the steering - Instant shine is a good feelgood social, also good with IH, Ammo is a balanced attraction product but I’d be more inclined to TUTH as the rest of the mix is good balance for any sexual. But when she does show interest again, you will have to excercise self control and not go rushing to meet her - Keep yourself, your time and your interest in her high-value . Let her make the running and any future plans - and don’t be too quick to agree to then. She needs to really invest herself in you now.
I’d strongly suggest the A314 oil as it is the most subtle (and you do want subtle here!)/ wide ranging in effect as well as longest lasting on the skin and most cost-effective long term but the /b spray is a reasonable try-out. IH and IS you could get in either 1x or 2x versions to minimise the number of sprays but at 34/26 maybe stick to the 1x/standard strengths of any sexuals until you have found your best dose. P74 - try around 7.5-10mcg per spray but keep it below 30mcg total in any mix as going higher can be a little too “just friendly”, although that can be useful in professional situations - esp when you need to get very difficult people on-board.
I really likes your insights. The thing about her is that she was actually really hurt by me not breaking up. So there is a lot of hurt to overcome here…
Also her previous boyfriends did not have any high social status, and she was in serious relationships in the past. Also on one of our last discussions she kept referring to our sex as the most awesome she had so far…
Our next interactions will be very short. Like me going to return a book and having a small chat before a conference, etc…
Trying to give all the information I can think of here so you can help me optimally use my limited contact with her.
Thank you very much for all your advise, it really helps me feel better with this crappy situation…
Sometimes the more severe the hurt, the more she will be puled-back to you later, or sometimes not. Conventional logic tends to go out of the window here and it often seems that the more extreme the feelings involved, the stronger and more positive the inevitable opposite reaction becomes.
The main thing is that you draw a line under the past and make each interaction count in a positive, attraction/status/trust reinforcing direction from now-on. Don’t go dragging-over what happened and do not let her drag you down that road - In some ways its like her trying to get affirmation that she was right out of you and by doing that, you will kill any latent attraction dead. So don’t give her answers or apologies either way.
Short interactions are fine but it will help if you don’t hurry to see her again in order to let her emotions flatten a little and then - be polite, upbeat, adopt good positive, attractive, masculine body language or bearing (thread/links here if you search) If you can be noticably smart, do so - or make some changes she will notice, haircut, style - anything that says “he’s different now, why?” to her but don’t be too showy about it. The main thing is to reinfurce your status/stability in a positive nonverbal way. This in conjunction with your new phero sig will help stimulate interest over a period of time.
Are there any work/social events you will both be going to - If so don’t seek-out her company, give her space and ideally show interest in other women or other people but don’t be seen to be giving her the cold shoulder or making any issue of it. Be polite and engaging when she seeks you out.
You seem to know your stuff. Some of the best advice I’ve been given. Thanks a lot for that…
Let’s just hope that she doesn’t actually hate me… What I am also worried about is her losing interest while we don’t have any contact…
On the other hand if she really had any feelings and they have been held down by her thoughts, or her friend’s words about me, they will still be there in some form… At least this is my wishful thinking…
No - IG is a useful profuct but its another Androsterone-based mix but a light, smart/dashing/sociable status product, compared to the more mature/full-on values of A314 and for now, you need the properties of A314 unsullied. Also at 34/26, you are into the age range where A314 is most usable in relationship mixes and she is at the lower end of the range where A314’s values tend to become most appealing.
Similarly, IO is the product you would use to tone down A314 and IMO it just wrecks it comprehensively and for good measure, it also wipes-out the emotional engagement/connection properties of IH/IS and IH/P74. IH/IS is also a far better adult conversation vibe and the combo can be used effectively with A314 and P74.
That’s not to say these are bad products - IG will still serve you well in other situations and maybe around younger women, whilst IO is usable in other styles of connection/crushy mixes but these involve other pheros that are more difficult and not really beginners products as they have potentially negative self effects. So I’d only suggest going there if the current approach proves unproductive - by then, you will also have had more experience of pheros that will help you deal with the more potentially difficult ones.
Actually a bit of space will usually work quite strongly in your favour. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” etc. Its unusual and often very difficult for a woman to break an emotional engagement without a lot of self-doubt and regret. Unless she’s completely branch-swung to another lover or been on the end of exceptionally severe mistreatment but you don’t describe that. Brief contact, with impact, then removal and bare minimum contact, over a period of time (highly variable between individuals) is the way to start turning her feelings round if they can be turned.
Similarly, her friends will also more likely help rather than hinder you - She isn’t romantically involved with them and its amazing how often a woman’s love is that guy her friends hate.
So my first mix for initiating contact again would be something like A314, IS and P74 right ?
Why would I want to go for the oil A314 instead of the spray ? Would I not need a more immediate effect given that our contacts would be very short ? Isn’t this what the spray is better suited for or did I get this wrong ?
Strength isn’t always good with pheros and oil is far more subtle in effect - you are not looking for fast/high-impact/club or ONS-style hits here. More a subtle reaffirmation/restatement of solid trustworthy and connecting values over a period of time. The oil is best for that - and oil is best suited to the workplace overall, you may see other benefits unrelated to her.
I’d suggest A314/IH/P74 first, then add-in some IS if she’s warming to you. Or use IS in place of the P74.
If after a few weeks she is doing her utmost to see you socially - and yes, don’t make it too easy, then yes switch to the spray (and add a sexual) for out of work. That will hit her hard in all the right places with a greatly magnified effect.
