The last thing I am doing is chase her. What is going on inside me is a personal struggle, around other people I am my usual self. Upbeat, funny and charming. I do take care of myself as always, working out a lot more actually, just to stop thinking about sad stuff…
My time is indeed limited and this is what worries me. Attraction wise, at least physically I am not worried, I am more attractive then the guys she hangs out with, so it’s the emotional link that is important right now. At least the message a few days ago was a sign that even if not as a potential boyfriend, she still thinks of me. That can be good as long as I don’t raise any feelings of pity in her… She was afraid I would be jealous and pushy if we were in a relationship. I guess seeming unphased by the fact that we are not together might make her think that this is not the case and I am not the typical needy guy that tries to beg his way back (I really am not the jealous type anyway, that was a stupid misunderstanding between us…)
Well in about a month our time together might increase since she will be moving in the UK too. You got any particular strategies in mind or just talking about general stuff here ?
Well I did see her again today. This time some one-on-one time in the office. Chatted and laughed a bit with some jokes. Asked her if she is going to the drinks in the evening, also asked me if I would be going…
Some mild touching, like spanking her hand away from the mouse to show her something, and again touching her shoulder-neck when saying goodbye…
Well on the positive side she seems friendly, which makes me happy. I just didn’t want to drag the interaction anymore to see if there is any physical tension there anymore…
I don’t know if I can get my hopes up, and I think I should not because I will only get hurt again if there is nothing there… But I miss her terribly and just being close to her makes me so happy… Writing here I guess helps, as it is the outlet of my thoughts and hopefully my experience with all this could help other people from screwing up when they have such a wonderful person in their lives
Had some facebook “contact” today. Nothing much. She just likes a post I made in a group we are in, and also commented and thanked me for sharing. It was an event I will be going at…
I don’t really know what to make of these little things. They most probably mean nothing, but still my stupid brain wants to hope…
In isolation they usually do mean nothing but they can mount-up to something more. If she’s doing this more regularly, it could be a useful sign that her curosity about you is increasing again, possibly along with her interest and she’s trying to see what you are doing.
Best not to respond to it for now or recognise it in any way. Just wait till you see her again.
What pheros were you wearing on the last meeting and how much?
Well too late, i replied, but just acknowledged it. Not asking for an answer or anything.
Last time (yesterday) I was wearing
2 drops of A314
~15mcg of P74
3 sprays of IH
I also had a small spray of to-go ammo on my wrist, just for a small sexy vibe…
So you think I should not try and contact her again right ? And not acknowledge those little communication, “stepping stones” if you will…
The thing is, that after our first christmas breakdown (when i didn’t end it with me ex) this is how we started again, communicating a bit about common interest and then hanging out again a bit… But then it was the reverse situation, I was the dumper in a way so probably this should not be the same this time…
Taking care of yourself is important here. For your own sake and possibly for her too - Remember that it is very likely that upbeat, funny and charming aspect that attracted her to you in the first place and maybe you lost a lot of that and the pleasure/stimulation she got from being around you by getting too close, too serious too quickly.
So for now you want to concentrate on getting that back - and so far, you are doing just fine. If she had completely lost trust and attraction, you would not be able to get so physical with her without her recoiling sharply. So that is a good sign. However, if this works, you will need to persist with playing it cool and just having fun until she starts making the running about wanting something deeper. This is where the pheros also help.
It would need a few more exposure/withdrawal cycles before I’d expect the first signs of fallout to be setting-in (3/4 would be the bare minimum IMO and often more) but she sounds curious - and keeping that curiosity going is another attraction trigger that is worth using to the full.
I think you need to be very careful here - and only acknowledge the absolute bare minimum of non-personal communication.
You are right that they are stepping stones but it helps if she’s made to skip a few regularly and replying to every text/email/like etc only confirms that you are there, and more or less all-her’s, and she gets no chance to miss you or wonder what could be keeping you from giving her attention. Which is not the most effective recipe for attraction. So respond if you feel like it but do not respond to every one - Let a few lie, then respond briefly, wait a bit more, respond again.
You soon learn to screen-out the unimportant stuff and only respond to what matters - but equally, don’t let her get you into long “heavy” exchanges.
Well so far our two interactions have been more than I expected. In my mind I was expecting a cold and distant behavior. What I am getting is a bit friendly. Not flirting though or anything. But still smiling and a lot of direct eye contact. Maybe she is just overcompensating and trying to be friendly as to not let it be awkward…
Will probably see her once more before I go away. My hopes are reserved for when she will move in the same place as me. Maybe a fresh start is what would help build attraction all over again. A real fresh start, with me being cool, social and confident as when she first met me.
That’s fine - status-based fallout mixes are often friendly and comfortable to begin with. Then she starts to want this comfort and closeness all the time - but your not giving it to her and keeping-up attractive traits in other ways will almost inevitably turn her feelings in a more sexual/romantic direction as she starts to step-up to meet your needs.
Once more is good - twice would be better but don’t make it seem that you are desperate to see her. But of course if she wants to hang-out a bit before you go, then yes, make it count.
Yes, a fresh start/new environment is good - anything that pushes her out of her established routine/comfort zone often has a payback in promoting attraction.
And the hit I just missed whilst typing this was strong, direct and excellent - Think I’m going to wake-up a fallout this weekend!
Good. Well I think I should stop contacting even for small things. Become elusive again. Probably will see her to go and say goodbye. Then no contact until she does something about it. And I think this time I should wait for her to ask for a more direct interaction. Else I am just going to step back…
btw my asian friend is absolutely in love with me. I get this kind of response from younger woman all the time, but I think especially asians view older and confident men as much more attractive. She brought me flowers and wants to hang out all the time. Even asks me if I need any food so she can bring it to me. One night I told her that I was feeling lonely and 2 minutes later she was knocking on my door, and I sent her home quickly, not wanting to go there right now with someone who is bound to get hurt by me…
Well I didn’t really use anything on her… Probably once or twice while trying to find my sweet spot… Her reaction is quite normal, I mean I had this a lot in the past anyway without any mones. And I really was not looking to get this reaction
I get what you mean. But right now, I will just focus on doing my best to get the other girl back. Still will hang out with my asian friend, she is a very nice girl and there is no reason for me not to have fun with other people. Just nothing sexual for the moment. Not really in the mood for it yet…
Her very presence may also be very viable competition for your ex - Its surprising how having an attractive woman around you can focus the interest, strongly. Even if its nonsexual with the Asian girl, its up to you to consider if your ex should get to know about it. Whilst it could be good for attraction, it may not be so good for regaining trust but women tend to be very fickle when competition comes on the scene - and high-status women are amongst the worst - or best from your POV.
Well it’s easy for me to be seen with her. I think she already saw us together… Not any romantic interaction anyway…
I also don’t think about her as an ex, do you think this is what she is, being the woman I actually had an affair with and all ? I am asking this because certain things that would apply to an ex girlfriend might not apply to her in this context, or I am just over thinking definitions here ?
OK I need to post again so someone can help me keep my sanity here
I keep second guessing myself, and thinking that I should start contacting her. Make her know that I still care and I still want her and I was not someone who was looking just for sex and I am not giving up on her… I know this sounds pathetic but I also can’t help but remember some advice from some female friends, that many girls want you to fight for them…
Overall, that’s good - Its not that there is no romantic interaction, its more what she might imagine that will work in your favour.
I think you are overthinking it. She’s not with you for now, and at one point she clearly wanted much more with you. So for all practical purposes she is to be treated as an ex.
This is where it gets tough - and where you need to concentrate on supporting yourself and your own mental health.
Overthinking/second guessing isn’t good - in fact it is far better if you can manage to detach completely. Your feelings are absolutely not wrong but they don’t help you or the attractive/together personality you need to project. Which is almost certainly a big part of what turned her-on to you in the first place.
No, in most cases that way is the road of the restraining order, or just being seen as that clingy/needy/creepy guy who won’t take no for an answer or respect when its all over. Which in most cases for most women will kill any latent attraction stone dead. Fighting for a relationship when you are in one is one thing but when its a former relationship or not wanted, its a very different thing altogether and not at all good.
It is totally counter-intuitive but in most cases, demonstrating how well you cope and get-on with life without her is nearly always the more attractive than hanging-around her on a hope.
