What is Her Deal?

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports
1

Sup guys,

It has been a while since I posted, but I’m looking for some feedback here.

As some of you may know, I’ve changed my intentions with girls. No longer looking to ‘take the girl back home and hook up,’ but looking for substance.

I’ve been targeting this one girl, so I always wear 1x Ammo, 1x MX412, 2xIShine, and 4xIH.

I’ve been SO real with her, always, and very honest. These are the hits I have had with her in the past 2 months.

September:
-We talk, casually. She asks me about a basketball game that I was playing in with other friends of ours.
-I give her an hour and a half hair play and head massage in front of, like, 5 other guys. I get a high-five after that.
-She asks me my middle name in middle of a conversation, VERY random.
-We are in a room together, and a lot of people are sleeping. She’s 2 people down from me, and we start talking about her parents, what they do for a living, I ask her questions about track, she tells me a little bit about her family. This only lasts about 15 minutes.

October:
-I catch her staring and smiling at me, almost with DIHL. Mind you, I was sitting directly across from her.
-We do this skit, and I play her boyfriend picking her up for a party. I hold her shoulder (off-script) and she responds well to this.
-After a meeting (we are in a club together), she RUNS up to catch up to me, and starts talking to me about the meeting and then what she wants to be for Halloween. I ask her to this HUGE rave thing, but I say that we are trying to go as a group (the club that we are in together). She hesitates at first, but then says yes.
-I mention in a conversation with 3 other people that I was writing a paper. They ignore me, and she asks me what it was about.
-Today, I saw her, and stopped to talk to her for a minute. Nothing special. She seems kind of talkative around me, and is always smiling, but she has a bubbly personality.

Now, I’ve been acting SOMEWHAT uninterested, at times, b/c I’m always on the move. But, when I talk to her, there are times when I look at her directly in the eyes, unmoving, and then times when I look away while talking.

She is listed on Facebook as single, but a track friend of mine (she’s on the track team and it takes a large chunk of her time) told me she has a boyfriend, although she’s NEVER mentioned him, and the guy who told me doesn’t really hang out with her.

Today, she puts up a picture from a Halloween party where she’s hugging the guy very closely.

My friend from home (a girl) told me, ‘Dude, just ask her out for coffee,’ but I feel like it’s WAY too soon, and that the girl would be weirded out if I did that. I’m kind of banking that we actually do end up going to the rave thing together (with a group of people), and I can work some sort of magic there.

I’ve decided that she MAY be dating that guy, and, heck, she might even be SCREWING him, but if she’s listed as ‘single’ on FB, she’s not fully dedicated to him.

What do you guys think? I was thinking of maybe throwing in a drop of A314 into my mix, but I’m afraid that may intimidate her a little bit.

Note: Forgot to mention this–that guy she’s frequently (not always) hanging out with? I’m PRETTY sure he’s her ex, but from photos, I think they are still AT LEAST VERY good friends. Also, she seems more of a ‘hang with my girlfriends’ type of girl. Lots of guys like her, and she has a lot of guy friends, but when it comes down to it, she’s ALL about her girlfriends.

2

I ““THINK”” you can mark off about HALF of the list you called HITS.
I ““THINK”” your thoughts on women have been LOST IN TRANSLATION.
I ““THINK”” your chances of falling under the column of YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOOSE’ is VERY HIGH.

I ““THINK”” you’re thinking too much, and you’re gonna miss out on a lot of fun before it’s all said and done, Laker Fella.

Looking for SUBSTANCE is not a bad thing … it’s the way you’re going about it. Did you read that from somewhere?

Hang in there! You’re 21, so you have A LOT TO LEARN. :smiley:

These are JUST MY THOUGHTS, so don’t change your life because of’em. :wink:

3

I understand what you are saying, but a lot of the time, it seems like she’s going out of her way.

I’m not investing too much into this. I definitely have the “if it doesn’t work out, oh well, on to the next one” mentality.

So you think that’s what I should do, right? (Forget her, on to the next one).

Also, I don’t think I’m really thinking at all. I’m hoping this moves along organically, but I don’t know if she acts the way she does because she’s interested, or because she’s genuinely nice.

Or are you saying I need to act soon?

4

No, you don’t understand what I’m saying, 'cause what I’m saying is stop wearing your Sunday’s best, and get aggressive. Time will show you substance, but if you close your eyes to how things work in life, and just look for substance, you’re gonna remain LOST. Besides, everybody can act, and in the end, you will find that substance is something someone made up. Click the right buttons, and substance goes out the window 90% of the time!

It may SEEM like she’s going out of her way … ACCORDING TO ‘YOU.’ It’s amazing what we SEE/THINK when we WANT to see/think something. It’s how the brain works. “They say love is blind. I say it’s blinded by the mind.” — M&M

I’ve been wrong before; and just in case you still don’t get it … IF YOU WANT IT, GO FOR IT, AND STOP PLAYING AROUND!! :angry: You can look for substance when you’re in your 40s! :roll_eyes:

I reserve ALL rights to be wrong. :wink:

5

HAHA substance is a word that I made up. It means I am tired of having hook ups that are just OK b/c you NEVER actually give a damn about the girl you are hooking up with (if that makes sense).

I’m just at the point where I’m looking for 1 girl of my own, instead of making my objective for the night getting laid by whoever is decently cute.

So, I’m assuming you mean GRAB THE SITUATION BY THE HORNS??? Hahahahahaha :smiley:

6

How old is she?

Because to me she sounds like a lot of girls in their late teens/early 20s who are still socially undeveloped and stuck in the pack mentality as far as their girlfriends are concerned.

And yes, I agree with your friend at the track that the guy she never hangs with may well be her boyfriend, although there is precious little relationship - again, I’ve seen a lot of girls at that stage who have some guy they run to at the end of the night/other unsocial hours for sex, whilst having a string of more accepted/acceptable orbiters who might well include exes and hopeful suitors who are allowed to hang with her and her gang.

I agree with M&M that here you need to just go for it around her and certainly don’t ask this one for coffee - go to that rave and have a lot of fun with them all, don’t give her attention if it’s not returned appropriately and maybe even take a bit more interest in other girls around her. Be more like guy who apparently has little interest but keeps her running back.

7

Your reply kind of drifted off haha.

Yeah, she’s 20 years old, but VERY down to earth, good head on her shoulders, and I’d say pretty mature. But I can see her as that very innocent girl as well (I could be wrong though).

I REFUSE to be an orbiter. If that’s where she places me, I’m out. She shouldn’t even talk to me.

For me, I want to be sure that she’s single before making a move, and I want to make sure she isn’t TOO innocent to the point that there is no physical relationship whatsoever. Aside from her new profile picture, other pictures with the guy look very platonic. Not too much touching or anything.

I don’t know. I’m going to go to that Rave with her or not, and have a blast with her or not. In a perfect world, I’ll be dancing with her all night, but sadly, we do not live in a perfect world.

EDIT-I talk to ALL the girls in our group, and maybe flirt A LITTLE bit. I’m an EXTREMELY likable guy, and get along with girls (just as long as they are likable girls). I enjoy having random conversations with her about everyday happenings, and I think continuing to do that helps. Maybe, if I push the right buttons, I’ll get her to say that she’s single, and I can say something like “Really? Hmmmm…I always assumed you had a boyfriend. That’s weird.” So she may understand why, at times, I act a little bit uninterested in her.

Maybe I do think about this too much…HAHAHAHA

8

Yes - still getting the hang of an IPad!

Again, the anti slut defence an be amazingly high at that age and even the nicest, head screwed on and mature young woman can go totally the other way when someone who pushes their buttons feelings wise is concerned.

Good, don’t let her keep you there!

Again, you may never get a straight answer here as she has obviously kept her options open. Just do what’s right for you at the time and take it from there.

Don’t take Facebook pics for anything, in fact maybe get off it altogether for dating purposes. Plenty folk give a very artificial image of themselves and I can say my picture archive contains photos that are very much at odds with any platonic image that certain women may want to put forward there! :smiley:

9

Good! So essentially, I’m doing the right thing! Feel it out and when I feel that it’s OK to move forward, then do so. Anything premature would be game over.

If I become an orbiter OR if I find out this boyfriend thing is serious, I PEACE out quickly!:cool:

10

I’m just going to bump this. Looking for some feedback!! :slight_smile:

11

dude, this situation reaks of LJBF—lets just be friends

you need to be more aggressive. youre talking about coffee and family and crap. you need to be smashing this chick. those 15 minutes should have been a makeout session.

two months is a long time. you might be thrown in the LJBF category already. it might be to late…

i’ll tell you why you are confused. BECAUSE YOU DID NOT STATE YOUR INTENTIONS FROM THE BEGINNING..
youve been playing a guessing game.

her “boyfriend” is her boyfriend because he let her know he wants to smash. from the sounds of it, they are probably just hooking up. knowing girls our age, she probably wants something more.

tell her you want to f*ck her and if like her enough, youll wife her up (in your own words of course).

this is a win-win situation.

win- if she wants you, she will know thats her cue. kind of like elementary school. you dont like the person till you find out they want to make out with you. let her know you want to be sexual. if shes worth your time, then youll put in a little work and boo her up.

win-if she is put off by you saying you want to pipe, oh well. that means you were never going to smash and she wanted to be friends any ways)

btw all girls are put off by it :slight_smile:

thats why they will come back. its shows you are a badass, you are an alpha male that gets what he wants, and it lets her know that if she throws good game at you, you will wife her up. she will give it up like no tomorrow. it will also create a good tension between the two of you because she knows if she is not up to par, you will move on. also, let her know you have like two chicks in love with you right now. this raises your value, also lets her know she has to step it up if she want to be the center of your attention…

and most of all remember, he who cares the least wins

this may sound like advice you don’t want to take, but its necessary to get out of where you are…the grey area.

when you smash, a whole nother set of rules and games are played.

12

and yes use some A314 oil.

take out the IH and the ammo.

can get a vibe from the post that this sounds like the ammo is keeping her interested but you havent reeled her in yet. she is definitely interested but she doesnt know yet. she needs someone to f her good n hard. not a friend.

let your super alpha male come out. 314 + shine is doing wonders for me right now.

13

I don’t know, I think I’m KIND OF already playing this game with her. I’m already playing too hard to get, but you’re right, I haven’t made my intentions clear.

She seems like the type of girl that if you talk about sex to her, she’ll run away. That’s why I’m kind of building up with the physicality (defensive touching, when I talk to her I put my hand on her, etc).

A314+IShine? I’ll do that. I do think that she thinks her current boyfriend is probably more congruent with her life than I am (both on track, spend HOURS a day together), but I do think she is somewhat attracted to me.

Also, she sees me interact with girls ALL the time. She would have to be blind if she doesn’t see other girls flirting with me.

But, OK, I’m going to switch up the phero sig, and get a little more physical with her. If she and I party together, I’ll get even EXTRA physical :stuck_out_tongue:

14

sounds good!

make sure you TELL her what you want. Even if you get more physical, you could still be friends with her. Girls will tell you they have friends they feel up on. Nothing more, nothing less.

she’ll run away if you talk about sex? nah, i doubt it. they always seem like that. she doesnt want you to think she is a bad girl. even if she runs away, good riddance. you can still be friends (which is where you guys are at now).

to be honest with you, she sounds like she is gaming you hard. maybe for attention, maybe shes happy that even though other chicks are attracted to you and flirting with you, she has you on lock, maybe you are a back up back up back up plan. like option C, or maybe she is madly in love with you…

u never kno until you straight up tell her what the deal is.

DONT MANY ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT THE BOYFRIEND! i’m honestly surprised you havent asked her if she has one. this will be cleared up if you state your intentions. after you do, ask her what she is looking for.

if that is her boyfriend, don’t girlfriend steal. everyone has their own morals and all that good stuff, but in my experience when you mess with someone else’s property, it always comes back to you…HARD.

karma is a cold-hearted b*tch.

15

HAHA yeah I had to learn about that the hard way.

Honestly, I don’t think she has any idea I like her, right now. By the looks of things, I think people would guess she likes me more than I like her.

I KNOW everyone is saying ‘let your intentions be known,’ but I can’t think of any situation where being brutally honest saying “Girl, you’re cute, lets fuck,” is going to turn out well.

But, the more I think of it, the way I’m going isn’t going to turn out too well either.

She may see me as a friend, because I see her as a friend, but I don’t think I have been ‘friend-zoned’ quite yet. I just act like I don’t care around her. Yeah, I’m honest with her, but the way I talk to her is more of a “you’re here, we do this thing together, tell me about yourself.” Her main orbiter is a friend of mine (NO ONE has any idea I like her, not even him). She hugs him, sits on his lap, cuddles up to him, but nothing else. She tried to do that to me when we first met, and I said something along the lines of “wait, why are you touching me?”

I think the A314 + IShine thing will work. I think being more SUBTLE about wanting to jump her bones may be better (correct me if I’m wrong).
I’ve been in this situation WAY too many times. I’m a DEFINITE, NO QUESTIONS ASKED upgrade over her current “boyfriend,” (if he is even that), so I think I have to act that way. SteveO told me playing hard to get is good game. That’s what I’m doing, but there’s no way of telling if it’s working. For all I know, she can go back to her apartment and talk about me to her girlfriends. I have no way of knowing and don’t see her enough (only twice a week, roughly).

I have another cute friend who has a boyfriend, and she acts like I’m her best friend. ALWAYS talking to me, always smiling to me, basically trying to make me an orbiter. I counter that by essentially acting uninterested in her (because, frankly, I AM uninterested in her). It seems that she gets confused by this, and it draws her nearer.

In the end, NOBODY really knows my intentions with this girl. NOBODY knows I like her. Maybe those ‘hits’ weren’t really hits, but I’m confident she finds me attractive and a ‘nice guy.’

Oh, how much better life would be if we all were S for single or T for taken…

16

You talk about Whats her deal! I had a girl, we would hang out about once a week because of her sports, she would text me like crazy all the time and then outta no where lose interest completely, the same girl has done this to me about 5 or 6 times now. Now she has a BF, WTF is her deal! But if things go as always once they break up she will be right back after me.

17

Dude, I do that to girls all the time haha. When I’m bored, I can text a girl all night that I know has an interest in me, but I have 0 interest in her. I even hang out with her all day sometimes, watch movies and stroke her hair.

Leading her on??? Perhaps. But we are a social animal. We like to have someone to talk to.

I’m just nervous that my situation is going to fall into something like that where I’m her fallback guy, or ‘just a friend.’

18

See that’s the issue with the girl, she is all over me when we hangout, as physical as she can possibly get with out making out or sex. Then after we hang out she will text me first thing in the morning and wake me up because she misses talking to me. I think its my fault though because I was going to ask her out but that just happened to be the weekend she lost interest so I bailed on it. She even tells other guys she is hanging out with her boyfriend when they bother her.

19

Then man, it seems to me like you lost your opportunity. All you can do is learn from this, and don’t act too upset about ‘losing her.’ Don’t contact her, distance yourself from her, and maybe, JUST MAYBE, she’ll come back to you. When she does, act a little uninterested. Make sure she’s eating out of YOUR hand, not the other way around.

20

Well if its like the last 5 times, I didn’t contact her, she always seems to contact me. And yea I have analyzed the situation many times over and see where I messed up every time. One of the main issues is that when she would go to leave she would kind of linger for a few min, say bye and when I would just say bye back with out going in for a kiss she looked kind of disappointed as she walked to her car but I didn’t want to go to fast either but I guess I will have to speed it up next time. Main issues is, we go to different schools and live in different towns and her current boyfriend goes to the same school so they see each other every day which gives him the upper hand, but I am a boxer and she is hardcore into that, plus I can give him a good beating if he fucks up which will give me some points. lol