I have never know how to deal with they paying for date issue.
It’s supposed to be gentleman like to pay for dinner, but it would seem that it is also can display a lower value. It gives of the nice guy persona (as discussed in the nice guys finish last thread) DO nice guys really always finish last?
Some ladies seem to not want to be paid for, and that’s cool, but that stupid waitress/waiter ALWAYS asks, “Are you two together?” I just want to look at them and say, “That was increadibly stupid of you. Thanks for puting me on the spot.”
Ok, lets just say the bill comes. Should I just pay for the meal as if it was second nature? If she goes for her purse should I say, “I’ll get it” or something similar, or do I just expect that we are going dutch and divey up the balance or ask for separate checks.
This IMO is the single trickiest part of a first date. I’ve got the hello, the conversation I can handle, any awkward silences I deal with, good night hug and maybe a kiss on the cheak i’m down with, but who picks up the check?
You could always say “Ok I’ve got it this time, but that means you get the bill next time.” Puts you out of the nice guy persona and sets you up for another date.
well i’m gonna offer my opinion here, based on my experiences.
Just pay and pick up the tab gracefully. Particularly if you asked her out. When a guy picks up the tab, without making any sort of deal out of it, no wisecracks, etc, I’m far more impressed, and to me that displays higher value then some dude who’s got to mention it.
The way I look at it - if you’re mentioning it, then you’re concerned about money, and if your that concerned about money, perhaps you should be saving it, instead of spending it.
if a guy asks me to go dutch AFTER the bill comes - well that’s that then. It only happened to me once, but I couldn’t get over the rudeness.
I think your best bet is to not go to dinner for a first date. Do a google search on inexpensive first dates you should find lots.Doing anything BUT dinner and a movie will set you apart from the average guy… dinner can turn in to an interview..boring
If you asked her out, definitely pick up the tab. If she was liberated enough to ask you out, or if you mutually decided to go out, you can do as thr3shold suggested… you’ll look more “cool”…trust me…
My three dollars and sixty-seven cents: If you are going to ask a date to go out with you, establish if you or they will be paying. I have said it many times when I pick up a lady that I’m an expensive man and they need to have a good job so they can buy me things. It keeps it light, but also lets them know I am not needy nor should they expect me to try and buy their affection.
This in itself displays higher value before the date occurs. However both thr3shold and Nunya are correct. If the payment of the meal has not been established and you are the instigator of the date then rightfully so you should pay. Don’t make a big deal out of it, but jokingly say I’ll be happy to pick up the check this time, only because I know you’re going to be cooking me dinner (make sure she can cook). Have fun with this too, just be confident and a bit humorous and you’ll get away with it.
If the waitress says something like are you to together, throw a comic fit, like “OMG who is this person, I have never seen her before, call the police!” They’ll get the picture, you will have displayed Alpha traits. Another good response, if she is paying, of course we are together, this girl is rich, I expect to marry her and be a stay at home watch TV husband. This sends a clear fun message to the waitress and to the interest. Believe me stuff like this works wonders.
drmaks is also 10000000000000000000000000000000% right here. First dates should be fun and separate you from every other first date she has had. Never go to a movie or dinner. Go to someplace light and fun, like a spring festival, a botanical garden, anywhere other than the typical. Don’t ask if she wants to go there, be the alpha male and say this is what I have planned so be prepared. Have fun.
The problem I run into is that evertime I just pick up the check I get called out like I’ve broken some sort of social guidelines. I wonder if there is a higher than average lack of chivalry around here.
As for different date locations…there aren’t any.
All this town has to offer is liquor, food, movies, and the Wagon Wheel Theater which doesn’t have any plays until June.
Unless i’m taking her an hour away I don’t have any other resources.
Hell, I saw a movie where a guy took this girl out for a date on a public bus. They just drove around all day, talked, and made fun of other bus people. I’d even do that, but we don’t even have busses.
There are no billiards that she could get into (and they aren’t realy billiard halls, but bars with pool tables)
Can’t take her out for coffee, as she works at a coffee shop.
It’s to cold for mini golf.
There are no bands or concerts.
Any first date ideas? The google search is coming up with imposibilities. Some of the ideas are realy cool, but I’d have to live someplace cool to accomodate.
Go to this websitepay the $59 you would have spent on dinner and fly around the county for an hour. It is certainly going to set a HIGHER standard than anyone else has done for her.
How many guys ever took her on a flight over the county before?
Use your imagination.
Get a couple of mountain bikes and go to the trails
Take her to a ridge top to watch the sunset over the lake while sipping wine.
I found a bunch of stuff just looking on the Internet. Go window shopping in the historic district.
Take her to that holly dude’s house museum
go to a park and ride the see saw.
Believe me the creativity will far outweigh anything anyone else has done for her. Don’t make yourself out to be an AFC.
That airport is 2 miles from my place! I’m going to check it out.
As for that museum…It’s laughable.
Hmm…Off to the airport. My dad is in Civil Air Patrol and searches for downed aircraft. They hold some of there meatings at the airport. I bet he knows somebody.
I’ve been having this conversation with more than one of my friends lately. Sorry guys, but someone has to break this to you.
If you want to see her again, pay.
NEVER even refer to “dutch” or whatever.
I would never see a guy again if he as much as looked at my purse. It is classless, not gentlemanly, and not cool.
I will happily pick up the tab once I am in a relationship.
For women, I always suggest a test to offer to pay and if he accepts, dump him. Espessially on the first date (or first month, for that matter)
A lot of people will disagree with me, but most women want to date a gentleman, and even though they will pay and maybe agree to see you again, they will have a bad taste in their mouth later on in the evening, even if they never mention it.
Sorry again. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles, guys.
You cannot seriously be saying that you expect people to buy your attention? That is such DLV!
Yes we do completely disagree on this. I guess a lot of very good people are left out of your life because you are focusing on monetary value rather than true gentleman qualities. I’m perplexed at how you relate the two together.
It is not a monetary value, and I do not have anyone “buying” my attention, to presume that from what I’ve said would be preposterous. It’s not about that at all.
Money is a symbol, and in the dating game, it is representing traditional roles, with a man being the caretaker (or future caretaker). I am not saying that every single woman is like me. All I am saying is that more women than not are, and would not admit it..
I don’t want to start another heated debate, god knows we’ve had enough of them lately..
Plus, I do not discount “good people”. I discount “cheap people”.
When I go out with my girlfriends, I often pick up the tab.
I pity the people who sit there and count up the monies owed for soda and tax to split the bill evenly… I pity the guy who tells his date how much she owes. Recently, a very beautiful friend of mine got an email from a guy she was seeing with an “accounts payable” to him for 1/2 price of the hotel where he invited her to spend the weekend ! Talk about duh.
To each his own, and I am not here to change your opinion.
This happens a lot, and I always tell them that I have. They still insist. They don’t want a guy to pay for them. Most of the women I know wouldn’t want a guy to buy them a meal. They have some desire to be self suficient and not realiant of the male to do such things. It’s so confusing. The last 3 people I offered to pay for strongly refused. Two of them I paid for and they weren’t happy about it.
This is why I find this to be so tricky.
Steveo, I have it all set up for 7:30 Friday night. It will be a sunset ride in 4 seater plane. 70 bucks
What a great idea.
I gave a togo bottle of ammo to the guy who set it all up. He made a call and opened the availability of plane needed. Somebody had it reserved all weekend and somehow he made it work.
If they really insist, then it’s cool, and you should let them pay, and now you know where they stand.. Just in case you meet someone with my ways of thinking, you should offer.. and take it from there.
Maybe I am just old-fashioned in that way.. I don’t know. The new generation seems to be different, I guess.
In my experience - men who truly want to be with you, and value your company, and like you WANT to be able to do stuff for you.
And if a guy doesn’t feel like he needs to be “the man” with me - then i question his interest in me.
hell even guys who are strictly friends - even my gay friends, will not let me pick up a check ever. I don’t like feeling beholden, so I will always figure out some sort of parity - whether it’s a nice birthday present, or a ride to the airport, or fresh-baked cookies or what have you - and maybe it’s a Southern thing - but sometimes you just gotta let a man be a man.
you’ll look more “cool”…trust me…
! Talk about duh.