Man, I just feel like a failure

Lounge
1

It’s pretty much like anything I do, I either never finish or fail at. Yesterday I lost my tennis match badly to a guy who wasn’t even special. Today, my consolation opponent didn’t even show up, so I didn’t get to play. Then I just got my ACT score and did better the first time than the second. Plus this concert I’m doing for my missions trip is not going so well, I don’t have Sweet Home Alabama prepared, and it is in a week. I also feel that my spiritual life with God is hurting as well. Plus I just realized I’m single and never kissed a girl.

I dunno, it’s either I have bad luck or a lack of blessings. I feel so depressed today… I work my ass off for usually little to no gain. The ACT I studied for, I ended getting sick on the science part (which I puked after I finished the test).

Worst of all, I have nobody to make me feel like I’m a man. Well, I guess I got out what I needed to get out.

2

Oh my :open_mouth:

Horrible attitude to start off with sweetie. Thinking negatively will always have negative results, it’s time you start thinking optimistically.

I don’t know whether this is a tournament, or a casual game. But a sport is a sport, sometimes you win sometimes you lose. It happens. Be sportive about it, that is excellent sportsmanship. I’m sure you’ve won many other games, tennis is not an easy sport and it sounds like you’re a whizz at it! Which is awesome! Well this time you just lost to this guy, next time you might win when you play with him again.

Sorry to hear that. But that’s his/her fault not yours. They weren’t lucky enough to play with you, think it that way. But they’ll be playing with you at one point right? If not too bad for them.

Hey you did get the first one better! Try to remember what you did wrong in the second test and improve it. We all learn from mistakes, it’s ok! :slight_smile:

So? I don’t know how old you are but you sound pretty young. Anyhow, if you were 40 and didn’t kiss a woman yet, than I’d be worried. You’ll kiss a girl one day for sure though! lol, it will happen :wink: Maybe you should get out more, smile, give off that confident radiance, party and relax. Girls like happy guys! It’s good to be ambitious and a workoholic, but sometimes you got to let that stress go and recharge yourself.

Aww, stop it! you are a babe! you’re just having a rough time now…it’s time you start moving on and try to make things better by thinking positively. No more pessimism again!

hope it helped! :slight_smile:

3

Ever think about getting some therapy?

Life is not all fun and games, but neither is it all misery. The trick is to focus on and feel grateful for those things that do go right, rather than focusing on and feeling shitty about what doesn’t go right.

Even the people who feel the luckiest have to do the laundry.

Diane

4

Ah Sweety we all have bad periods. This past month sucked for alot of people. Something was cosmically off.

You need to get your spiritual side in alignment first and the rest will fall in place. We all do this by different methods. I align my chakra’s and get back to nature as well as absorb moon energy. :smiley: This method is probably not for you LOL. You could read the bible or go out to a quiet natural place and meditate. What ever it is you feel comfortable with that feeds your spirituality.

Your not a failure, Be a little more forgiving of yourself. I can tell just from your personality in posts your a driven person. Sometimes even when your driven you have to stop and rethink your path. There will be bumps and potholes along the way but you will get there

Your journey has only just begun :wink:

Tisha

5

Great advice.. experiment with meditating and intentional prayer.. Reiki can be used as a tool for the chakra and auric balancing.

This last period of temporary setback, could help you develp even more of yourself through hardship, so you become stronger and more resiliant, we all have had periods like this.

6

You have yourself - It is exceedingly important for you to realize that you need to start validating yourself from an internal place and NOT from externalities like playing a good game of Tennis, having a girl friend or someone who makes you feel like a man.

External validation is dangerous - no matter how much you get externally validated, you ALWAYS need more. It is not sustainable… you take a break and your confidence (feeling of wellbeing) falls through the floor because externally validated confidence has no base - without the validation you feel like you have nothing.

I highly suggest you look into buddhism - One of it’s tenets is the concept of self-love. To be truely free, you have to love yourself (including your faults), to truely love yourself you have to know yourself.

Urban Monk is a great place to start - Read and start meditating.

Interally validated confidence is amazing because it allows you to remain happy even when you have nothing else in your life to feel good about.

7

I’m 18, going into my senior year of high school. I just read this confidence thread that real confidence isn’t built off of bad experiences, but good experiences only. I usually have bad experiences with girls, either it is turned around and now I’m trying to catch the mouse, or something awkward happens.

First town days festival is in my community, I could try to talk to girls hoping that out of all the situations that I could least have one good experience.

To Wrlprchnx: Why would I love my faults (sins) if it got me here in the first place? Why also would I need any more freedom when I already have freedom in Christ? Buddhism just doesn’t really make sense to me at all. Plus Budda was only a man, not a God that I could trust.

8

I’m talking about buddhism as a life philosophy - NOT a religion… I could two shits less about the mythos behind buddhism. Practical Buddhism is a life philosophy NOT A RELIGION.

Why are your faults necessarily your sins? One of my faults is that I tend to get distracted by shiny things (minor ADD)… I would hardly consider that a sin… however it is something that I could spend a significant amount of time obsessing about and causing myself suffering when I make mistakes because of it… instead I try to learn when I make mistakes, try to remain mindful of my actions and focussed in the present and MOST IMPORTANTLY accept that I will make mistakes on occasion because of that fault

I don’t care about religion - I’m talking life philosophy and Buddha was one wise dude who spent a shitload of time thinking about living life in the now. I like to take the advice of my elders.

9

you’re not alone…i was in the same boat from 14 to 22, to make things worse i was on antidepressants and had a disfunctional family from hell. i turned it all around in the last couple of years. i’m not gonna lie to you…change is a bitch…but it’s worth it.:slight_smile:

10

Okay, you got to grow up honey :slight_smile:

Good experiences usually come after we’ve had our bad experiences. We learn from our mishaps and move on keeping in mind that we ought not to have that bad experience again. Dwelling on the same shnitz for a long amount of time, isn’t worth it. Seriously.

Most guys don’t always have a great start with women/girls. As you mature you’ll gain experience in dating for sure. Most guys and girls have a rough start when it’s their first date or kiss. I’ll admit that my first kiss was pretty bad, I was pretty clueless… but something like this shouldn’t destroy your confidence. You’re learning :slight_smile: Accept it, and think of it as an improvement. Plus there are millions of girls around lol

You really need to work on your self-esteem brother, don’t take me wrong but you seem like people could take advantage of you. And it’s not healthy. You need to rebuild yourself, and let things go.

If you’re having a hard time with girls, try to see what you’re doing wrong. Are you talking low about yourself? do you talk about your mishaps to them? are you soooo shy you can’t even speak to them? Than it’s time for a make over.

Lecture is over and class is dismissed lol

11

Actually, at times I can be quite cocky around girls. Usually, I don’t brag or talk low about myself, I try to get them talking. I never talk about my mishaps with them; I’ve learned in the past that is the worst thing to do, but I’ve learned few years ago, and I’m well acquainted with the concept.

The shyness part I’ll have to admit that I am a little shy when approaching women on varying beauty scale degrees (the more beautiful, the more nervous I am).

12

Hi, there, LTDshred. You mentioned your spiritual life with God is hurting. Reading your whole post, and coming from a Christian perspective, it sounds like you are under a spiritual attack. Meaning, the enemy is taking advantage of your low emotional state and speaking lies to you, which in turn you are believing. This seems likely, since you mentioned you are preparing for a missions trip. Believe me, the enemy is not happy that you are using your gifts and talents to share your love for God and faith in Him with others. The enemy may be throwing some fiery darts at you to get you discouraged, ineffective in ministry, and defeated as a child of God.

I have found that the most effective way to combat these negative thoughts is to renounce them and speak only positive, Biblically-based words into my life instead. A good book on this that I’m reading right now is Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. I can PM you more about spiritual warfare and how to come against these emotional and mental attacks if you like.

I pray things will turn around for you. Life is hard; there are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. We all go through times of insecurity, doubt, and awkwardness. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Trust that you are not alone and that the Lord will see you through this rough time.

13

LTD - I get the feeling you ignored the link I posted previously… I would suggest you are handicapping yourself by not using the whole breadth of human knowledge

However, the site itself is huge… and you might give up before finding what would truely help you… If you do nothing else, just read the following three links - They have nothing to do with religious dogmas, just with practical methods based in behavioural psychology and drawing from buddhist teachings (but don’t let that hang you up… remember, practical buddhism is not about religion but about living a life of less suffering)

Anyways

How to remove negative thoughts and tame your monkey mind PT. 1

How to remove negative thoughts and tame your monkey mind PT. 2

How to remove negative thoughts and tame your monkey mind PT. 3

LTD - I’m not someone trying to get between you and your God - I would describe myself as a tooth-fairy agnostic - I’m not asking you to become a Buddhist, believe in Buddha, or even to start meditating (although I’m sure it would help).

All I’m asking is that you use some of the collective HUMAN knowledge passed down through the centuries which have taken the form of buddhist teachings. There is NOTHING sinful in using other peoples knowledge to better yourself.

14

Actually there are a great many Christian buddhists. When you look at it objectively there really isn’t any conflict between the belief sets. They get different answers because they ask different questions.

You might want to run through this thread. Visionary has really got his stuff together after a very difficult youth.

OoohYahhh

15

It sounds like you are on the wrong path. The teens and twenties involve a lot of false starts for most of us. That is NORMAL. The worst thing you can do is force yourself to be something you are not. Think of this as an OPPORTUNITY to reflect and redirect your goals. (Unless there is some physiological cause) that is generally the message depression is trying to deliver.

The things you never finish or fail… Are you sure they are things you really, really want to do? Really??

Your motivations are trying to lead you someplace else. Where might that be? Brainstorm it. Let your fantasy run wild. Apply logic and realistic thinking at a later stage.

For example, you don’t have Sweet Home Alabama prepared. If body, mind and soul that were what you wanted, you’d be ready. Maybe it’s not the right song. Maybe it’s not the right audience? Maybe music isn’t the right medium? Or not the right trip? Or maybe you are more prepared than you actually realize. I don’t know which it might be…

As for the Science part of the ACT… What is it that you are sick of? Huh? What is it about that that just makes you sick?! Puking is most likely disgust about…

If you are really working your ass off for so little gain, you are squandering your talents. I generally think that “Follow your bliss” is good advice. Just don’t confuse bliss with some sort of addiction! And don’t be so critical of yourself that you miss your real accomplishments. Sometimes they are the things that seem so easy that one overlooks them.

If by that you mean no girlfriend, STOP right there!! You have to get that feeling of being a man from within (maybe with the help of a little P75) and maybe with the feeling of acceptance of other men. NEVER, ever from women – it will drive you crazy, literally, if you think that way. I will NOT work, ever.

There’s plenty of time for girls. It doesn’t need to be yet.

Years from now you will look back and see that some things you thought were so important were just b.s. And some things you barely noticed were what was going to matter.

Good luck!

16

Warren has given advice worth gold. Nice.

17

The problem seems to be an imbalance between desire and ability, with too much desire and too little ability. Once the ability matches the desire, you get… desirability. I’m not meaning to be facetious here. Maturity takes patience and control, as well as mastering social techniques. And there is no such thing as a fast-food path to maturity. We all had to go through it. You’ll be fine.

Diane

18

Oy Veh!!!

Stop.. i cant take teh negative waves. MY dear young friend. We each control and decide how we want to feel. example. Before i go to bed I decide how I want to feel tommorrow when i wake up. I am cheerful; and positive. I wake up and guess what I am cheerful and positive. Negativity surrounds us in everyday, from teh mdeia mostly which is why i banished TV and radio and newspapers from my life.

I got rid of all my former friends who were negtive energy blowers, vampires, cling ons, and choose only to surround myself with positive upbeat people who see teh merit in living another day. Those that feel they need to turn on teh gas. Well maybe they should . decide to be positive and happy, it s a darn site easier and take no more time than to be sad and miserable

19

To start things off, heres a bunny with a pancake on it’s head:

Now that that’s out of the way…

MY HIGH SCHOOL LIFE SUCKED TOO!

Now that I got that out of my system…

High school sucks balls. If you are not in a clique or the “in” crowd, you fail at whatever you do, and when you don’t you still feel like it. Trust me man, I was e x a c t l y where you are now two years ago. I had one thing goin for me and that was the theater group and that’s because I was the only person with enough common sense to search for a manual to the sound equipment online. Even that didn’t work out in the end, but whatever. What YOU have to do is get through your senior year. Then you’re off to COLLEGE!!! Right?

College is whatever you make of it. There are no “in” crowds. There are a million and three cliques but we call them clubs. In college, if you go out to meet people you will meet people. If you want to make friends, you will make friends. If you go out wearing a butt-load of IO, people will want to talk to you for no reason whatsoever.

High school is a poorly made game that favors the jerks and idiots and belittles everyone else. College is where life begins, IMO. Want to join the college band? There’s 30-400 people you can consider friends. Going into the military? Join ROTC and there’s 20-150 back-slappin, wing-mannin, loudmouthed buddies. Sports? You name it, there’s a intramural group for it. Get through high school with your head above your chest and apply to the best school you can get the money for. Then be whatever you want to be. But you have to go get it. If you stay in your dorm room waiting for life to fall in your lap, the only socialization you will get is when the fire alarm goes off and you’re all huddled outside in the cold (bring a quilt, it’s a GREAT way to meet gals in their pajamas :smiley:). Want to find a party? Just wait until “Thirsty Thursday” and walk a quarter mile in any direction. Find what you like then do it, JUST DO IT. If your college doesn’t have anything like that then come to mine, we have EVERYTHING and a bunny with a pancake on it’s head!!! As long as you can stomach 8 months of rain :stuck_out_tongue:

Another way to look at it is as follows: Life is a game. You can’t see that at first, but when you think about it, it can make some things easier. Keep falling in that hole? Fina a way around it. Can’t beat that boss? Get a better strategy. Can’t get that love interest? Look up a cheat code online. Ever played the sims? Put a large green diamond had on your head and take a mental step upward (about 50 feet) now what do you do? Remove yourself from the consequences for a second and evaluate your choices. If I make him do that, what will the result be. Also remember that a lot of those social consequences are far less impacting than they seem. If a single girl thinks you’re a dork, SO WHAT? There are many more girls in the world for you to try different approaches. You just have to remember that there is only one life and no respawns.

Get out of that rut, work your tail off, and get on with life. Sometimes all you need is a fresh start, but you will always need a good attitude and willpower.

20

Heres some cheap and practical help - Buy a good book on NLP off amazon or something and read it. Not saying it will solve your problems for you - only you can do that, but it may help give you a better perspective on things.

fin.