Time to Break Up?

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports
1

OH MAN it has been FOREVER since I’ve posted on this forum!

Well, I’ve been going out with this girl (3 yrs. younger than me, half Mexican half El Salvadorian) for a couple of months now (aside from 3 months where she was in LA and I in Greece). I reeled her in with some TUTH sex, and some P74+AMMO.

We had a rough patch, she seemed to not be making time for me. This was roughly 10 days ago. I told her I was concerned and sort of told her off (non-aggressively, just told her that we need to work on a few things). She got angry, I got angry, and then she later called me telling me I was right and that she would try. I told her I’m OK with arguments, as long as we find an amicable solution.

Everything since has been GREAT. I told her I wanted to remove labels, but I considered her my best friend. I saw her smile and cry and she said ‘you really mean that?’ I said ‘of course!’

We had A LOT of sex last semester, but we didn’t in the first few days of school this semester (which, considering being away from each other for 3 months, kind of bothered me). The other night (this thread is about to get rather personal), we had sex, but I didn’t finish, and the condom broke. She was very tired from sorority rushing, so she said she just wanted to go to sleep. She cuddled up on me for a little, and I started kissing her playfully (she loves this). Then, all of a sudden, it seemed like she wanted to get away from me. She seemed standoffish in an instant and would remove my arms from her body. I told her I’d walk her back to her dorm. I texted her telling her that if anything bothered her, I’d like to hear about it and we could fix it. She told me that it was her fault, not mine. I told her it probably wasn’t her fault at all and when she was ready to talk about it, I’m all ears, a shoulder to lean on/cry on, anything she needs me to be.

I texted her the next day asking if she was alright. She said she was better.

Today, she got into a sorority (the sorority I like the least. The sorority that I refer to as ‘future alcoholics’ who have rep for getting smashed and laid like no other sorority). I’ve told her I didn’t like that sorority, and she actually marked the sorority down as #2 option behind the sorority I like (lots of friends in the sorority, I consider them the most ‘down to earth, wholesome, wife material girls’). I’m nervous. I’ve acted excited around her, but I’m VERY nervous. Sober, I trust her 100%, with alcohol and frat guys at mixers, I don’t know. Already, she was supposed to swing by tonight, but she was too tired and told me she’d swing by tomorrow morning at 11 for an hour (has to be at the sorority house for lunch at noon). What to do? I think I’m going to address my concerns with her.

I’ve been wearing the Summer Edition Ammo+P74 when out with her, in bed I’ve worn P83, but I wore TAC the night that she randomly started acting standoffish (wonder if that had anything to do with it?)

2

I don’t have much experience with pheromones, being new here, but as far as the rest goes, definitely bring it up to her if it bothers you. If you don’t, things will only go downhill. Just tell her straight up that you’re a bit uneasy with her decision to join a sorority with a rep of partying and getting laid (don’t say slutty). Keep in mind that she has already probably made friends at this sorority, and try not to make her feel like you’re labeling her friends as promiscuous.

3

Without trying to be the bearer of bad news, those actions make it sound as if someone else is in the picture. Or that she’s anticipating a possible future without you in it, even if she wants to just be single.

4

She called me up drunk over the summer and told me that she loved me, and I responded ‘OK that’s great, but I’m not quite there yet.’

When it’s just her and me, and we are alone going to the mall, the store, or for dinner, it’s absolutely wonderful. As if no one else in the world matters. Maybe I’m just a romantic and want it to be like that for a long time and all the time, I don’t know.

Friends of mine have been coming up to me saying things like ‘I heard your girl is now a (sorority letters). Good luck, man.’

My best friend back at home had a girlfriend that he was very close with. She joined a sorority, changed and cheated on him. It absolutely devastated him. I don’t want what happened to him to happen to me.

5

UPDATE:
I went to her room at 11AM. She was getting ready to visit with me. Her roommate was in there. I told her how I was so excited that I got to bust out my suit for formals and how I got to go to more parties. Then she mentioned that she had parties all week. Then, her roommate said something like “OH ARE YOU NERVOUS?” I said maybe a little bit, but I trust my gf entirely. My gf replied with a smile and ‘that’s right, you better.’ Then her roommate said, ‘don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on her.’

When we left the room, I told her the story about my friend and how it bothered me, but then I told her that I knew her well enough to know that she would never do that to me. She let me know that it was going to be entirely difficult to see me the next 3 weeks, and I told her she had to try, but some nights when it’s just too difficult, a phone call would suffice. She seemed satisfied with this arrangement.

The general consensus with my boys is to not be worried and not to control her, and if she does something regrettable, end it. She hasn’t given me reason not to trust, so I will trust her completely and if a situation arises, I will deal with it then.

6

Mate protection is perfectly normal human behavior, and female hypergamy is definitely cause for concern when your girl joined a partygirl fraternity.

Instill some dread.

7

Sounds like a pretty reasonable and mature way to handle it to me.

8

I’ll be holding my breath during every mixer… that is certain.

9

Maybe you ought to go party to get your mind off of it! :stuck_out_tongue:

I don’t mean that as in to get back at her in any way though. Purely just to have some fun so you’re not sitting there constantly wondering what she’s doing.

On the bright side, I think you two both being able to party, be indepent, but also know that the other won’t cheat, could be a very rewarding relationship.

10

As far as mones go, a crush makes her miss you. A1 and/or P74 and IH.

As far as relationships go, have fun yourself, and make her want to spend more time with you. If you are sitting at home sulking, she wont want to come back t that emotional baggage.

11

if youre having doubts about her and your relationship then thats telling you something!! i would be worried if it was my mrs.

youre both young and probably need to party while your young so you dont have any regrets later in life, if you think shes the one persist if you dont then id be thinking long and hard about your relationship

12

Last night was awful. Her first frat party as a sorority girl, and she didn’t text me all night (I texted her at 8:30PM, 12AM, then called at 3AM when she was in bed).

Made me VERY nervous but 2 things happened. I went to the school counselor (relax, I go to him b/c he’s helping me get into YLS), and he completely changed my thinking about the situation. So, after getting in a little text war with her this morning, we decided we’ll talk about it at 4PM.

At 4PM, I told her what the counselor told me what he thought would work. I told her that I needed to know if she liked me enough for a relationship, and if she didn’t, that’s OK, it’ll hurt for a little bit, but I’ll move on. She told me I was stupid and she OBVIOUSLY really liked me. Then, I told her we are obviously exclusive, and that I wasn’t gonna blow up her phone anymore, and I was going to give her some space to do her sorority stuff (this took a little bit of explaining, I think she heard ‘space’ and got a little nervous). I told her if I don’t see her for, say, 3 or 4 days straight, it’s not b/c I’m losing interest, because I really like her, it’s because of the space.

I then asked her to make a pact with me: whenever she and I are together, nothing else in the world matters, it’s just her, me, and us having a load of fun together.

We passionately kissed, then her friend came in, we spoke to her, and all was well.

13

sounds like you gained some ground.. so to speak. i think its good that you have told her you want some space, this would make her feel a little rejected which might help.

14

This is needy behavior.

Why do you worry about making her nervous?

I don’t want to have her take you for granted.

At the moment you fear that your relationship with her might have no future. You want her to change her behavior. If she gets the feeling that she should do something to avoid losing yourself, it’s because you communicate your needs authentically.

You don’t have to excuse yourself to her.

15

THIS. Go out and have fun yourself. You may care about the girl, but you’ve also told her you don’t love her yet. Now you’re acting scared like she might leave you. I don’t know what else to say except that she might. She may be deliberately trying to put space or distance between you to prompt you to tell her your feelings, or in the hopes that you might realize you love her too. If you DO love her, let her know. If you don’t, you should relax.

As far as the L word goes, I can’t speak for every female on the subject, but most of the gfs I have say the sentiment has an expiration date. If it’s not returned within a reasonable amount of time, there’s no point spinning our wheels living in the hopes that it might be, someday. All it does is make us feel bad about ourselves (why doesn’t he love me? Am I wasting my time?) Then we separate or distance ourselves as a way of protecting our own hearts. Does that make sense?

That having been said, you are under no obligation to use this word if it’s something you legitimately do not feel for the girl. In fact, you absolutely should NOT say it if you don’t really mean it. If something lighthearted and non-serious is all you want, that’s perfectly fine. You have all the reason and right in the world to want that and to have it. You are in college, you’re young, you want to have fun! Who hasn’t been there?

16

Also, if you can, try to see things from her perspective.

You keep telling her you like her sooo much. The girl told you she loved you. The difference between the two sentiments is vast. She may be feeling restless or even resentful by now.

The guys keep telling you that SHE shouldn’t take YOU for granted, but the same statement also applies to you. Don’t forget that she told you something pretty important and that it may have stung to hear it wasn’t returned. Which is not to say that it never will be, who knows? Feelings grow. But it’s just something to keep in mind.

17

In addition to what others have said, I’m unclear about why she joined the sorority in the first place, given that she’s in a relationship.

18

Common misconception about sororities. Their main objective isn’t to get w/ guys. There is that friendship and philanthropic factor that many girls join sororities for. There are hot girls that are in sororities, and in healthy relationships for all 4 yrs of college.

I think things are better now than they were before. Haven’t texted her much, but whenever we see each other, it’s almost always like magic.

She drives me crazy though. I saw a thread a while ago about Myers-Briggs. She’s an ESFP, I’m an INTJ, two classically clashing personality types. The more I read about INTJ-ESFP relationships, the more I can relate. Sometimes, she makes 0 sense, and sometimes, for being as smart of a girl as she is, I get quite worried about her actions.

Last night, she told me around 11PM to meet her at this club at 1AM. I told her earlier that day that I was down to go, so I told her I’d do my HW, drink with friends, and I’ll be there at 1. Got there at 1, couldn’t find her. Found her roommate, she didn’t know where she was. Went to Wawa with friends, saw one of her best friends, and she told me that she put her to sleep b/c she had too much to drink. Then she told me that my gf was extremely happy about our relationship and that I was a good boyfriend, which made me smile.

Next day, she texts me and tells me that she was too tired. I told her I knew she drank too much, and she said ‘no I barely drank. I was just too tired!’ After a little arguing, she finally conceded that from here on in, she would text me if her plans change so I didn’t have to go looking for her like an asshole.

I have a mental list of about 5-10 things where such instances (where she’s being ‘relationship stupid’) such as this one. But, I’m a patient guy, and I understand that she’s 3 yrs younger (only 18 going on 19) than I am, so not on my level of maturity. It seems like she averages a screw up a day right now. I won’t bore you guys with every single time where something seemed just so obvious to me, yet seemed confusing to her when I explain it.

I think we are past the honeymoon stage (she couldn’t do any wrong, and the sex was almost daily), and I think we are now in the ‘power-struggle’ stage (even though there is no scientific basis behind the ‘relationship stages.’) I’m starting to see her flaws, and she mine (she thinks I’m crazy, and probably thinks I’m a little mistrusting).

I BORDERLINE love her right now (I’m almost there, but I want to make sure the time is right to say it), but she drives me crazy. I think I have to start declining hangouts and 'come out to party with me’s to put the ball back on my court.

19

Needy? I disagree wholeheartedly. This is reassuring behavior, telling her to not worry.

You are probably right about everything else though

20

Tonight something happened. We were hanging out, and it came up (from me) that we were going to have to discuss future someday (I’m leaving after the semester, gf is just a sophomore). She got all standoffish AGAIN. FINALLY got her to admit what it was: she isn’t very good with commitment. She told me she doesn’t know what she wants, and thinks that sometimes, she thinks I deserve better than what she has to offer. This brought me to tears and I had a very emotional soliloquy to her. She literally JUST left my room, and I came to this forum because friends/family wouldn’t be great advice, and I don’t know what to do.

I like her. A lot. Hell, I love her, but after this commitment issue, I’m afraid to tell her. I told her I’m already committed and I’m willing to work with her to get her there. As I was talking, she didn’t really say anything. All she did was draw herself closer to me, put her hand on my head, and wipe some of my tears away.

Any advice would be great. I think I have to CONSIDER ending this, but I REALLY don’t want to.